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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Any baby whisperers out there? 1mo old not settling into routine...

25 replies

lilKelBel · 24/06/2007 16:04

Hi - I know there is a BW website but frankly I prefer MN!

Wondering if anyone wants to help me with DD. I've got a 15mo old DS who responded really well to BW so I'm determined to give it a go with DD.

Problem is, she doesn't seem to buy into the idea! We might get part of the day 'right' then it goes off the rails. How strict should I be in making her wait till the next feed time?

Also, a question about feeds leading up to bedtime. I know I should aim for cluster feeds at 6 and 8pm, but she seems to really want a feed straight after her bath at 7. I have thus been doing cluster feeds at 5 and 7 -- but this causes problems because the 5pm feed is too close to the 4pm feed, and then it's too long for her to last from 7pm till the 10-11pm dreamfeed! She's awake and screaming for food by 9:15!

TIA for any help. Those tempted to use this as opportunity for BW bashing, please refrain...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mears · 24/06/2007 16:13

Not bashing but isn't she too young? She should be fed on demand at the moment.

Is she breast or bottle fed?

nellieloula · 24/06/2007 16:13

Hello - I used BW for my DS with great success and am a big fan; saying that, I didn't do it to the letter, thinking that it was better that in the early stages he kind of led the way for a bit. How old is your LO?? I think in the evening, I used to just stick to the usual routine (not the cluster) and that seemed to do the trick. When he was over 6mths, we were a bit more regimented with it. I'm really hoping it works for you though - esp as I'm pg with the next one and hoping it all just slots into place !!

Ceebee74 · 24/06/2007 16:17

I kinda did BW from 3 months old - in that I used to feed every 3 hours but I let everything else happen when it happened (eg sleep etc). Never did the cluster feeding either - just used to feed at 4pm and then again at 7pm (after bath) but I was bottle feeding so not sure if that makes a difference.

(Also, we never got the hang of the dream-feeding - DS would point blank refuse to open his mouth if he was fast asleep despite the book saying that ALL babies would open their mouths if you stroked them in a certain way - all that is apart from DS then!)

goingfor3 · 24/06/2007 16:18

They can't tell the difference between night and day before 6 weeks. Seems crazy to even start a routine before then.

lulumama · 24/06/2007 16:21

IMHO you should not make her wait for a feed, at one month old, she needs to be fed as frequently as she demands

cluster feeding is normal

you might need to ride it out until she is a bit older

Original poster

lilKelBel · 24/06/2007 16:24

thx 4 your thoughts... am ff.

the df only worked for ds from 4mo, but man was it a godsend!!!! ceebee, maybe try again in a few days/weeks?

OP posts:

Ceebee74 · 24/06/2007 16:27

Sorry lil, my post wasn't clear - DS is now a strapping (but yummy) 11 month old so way past the dreamfeeding stage now

As it happens, DS was (and still is) a fab sleeper so he slept until 7ish without a dream feed anyway.

wulfricsmummy · 24/06/2007 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

lilKelBel · 24/06/2007 17:00

ceebee u lucy girl!!!

it's really just the 4pm-8pm bit i can't see any pattern there yet...apart from 7pm bath,,,

OP posts:

NikkiBFG · 24/06/2007 17:04

I did the BW with DS....but he didn't follow the EASY routine as such...he used to eat, sleep, then have an activity when he woke up. I can remember being stood there saying to my mum no he can't be sleepy after his feed, he has to have an activity now! My mum told me that he was in his own routine and go with the flow - best advice I ever had! He settled into a routine around 3 months and has been pretty predictable since then, except when poorly or teething

Original poster

lilKelBel · 24/06/2007 17:46

oh dear, i really hoped this wouldn't turn into a routines vs baby led days debate, but I feel I must offer an explanation for why I'm doing BW...

with DS we tried for months to let him dictate the day, hoping he would fall into a routine. alas. each day was a total crapshoot as they say. totally random. I could never tell why he was crying and couldn't plan anything ahead. the BW approach really suited us as it's not too regimented but gives structure.

ok so returning to my OP, I am still hoping for ideas on how to get 2 cluster feeds in if my bath is at 7 and she wants a feed right afterwards...

OP posts:

Guitargirl · 24/06/2007 19:58

I don't really get this.

If she's awake and screaming for food at 9:15 then feed her at 9:15. If that doesn't suit with the bath time for whatever reason then move the bath time.

I might be totally wrong on this but I thought the whole point of cluster feeds were that they were to be dictated by baby, it's the baby telling you how much she needs to eat before the night's sleep. Might be talking out my behind on that one!

I know people who really value their routines and find it's the best way for them especially if they, as you, have other small children so am not knocking you but one month does seem a bit young to expect baby to conform to set feeding?

Sorry, not very helpful, am going to shut up now and go and worry about my total lack of routine at 5.5 months...!

Guitargirl · 24/06/2007 20:03

BTW - your daughter is gorgeous!

Original poster

lilKelBel · 24/06/2007 20:54

Aw thx GG

Well at the mo my DD is in fact demand-feeding, I just am 'guiding' her in the direction of 3-hourly feeds during the day. As with anything else babies do best when you take a gradual approach with them, IMHO. She actually seems quite happy going with it during the day - it's just at evening time she eats on and off for a couple of hours and I'm wondering if I can make her comfortable with just a couple of (separate) cluster/small feeds instead.

I don't think she's too young for a structured day and a bit of space between feeds. More importantly she's a good weight now and can handle it - first couple of weeks was a diff story.

And you're totally right, it is absolutely critical to me that I get her onto a routine because it's the only way I can manage with a 15mo old DS and her! Otherwise I'd not change clothes, clean house, eat, breathe...

Some people get by well w/out a routine - I'm just not one of 'em!

OP posts:

Snowi · 29/06/2007 16:39

OK, can someone please tell me what BW is? & cluster feeds? Was wondering when is a good time to start a set feeding, sleeping, bathing etc routine. My DS is 6 weeks old?

Oblomov · 29/06/2007 17:07

I think the EASY routine is great and I don't think that its ever too young for a routine. But I am an advocate of not sticking to a routine so much that you get yourslef in a tizz. When you say it is 'going off the rails', what do you mean - give us more info. I don't think giving her the feed that she wants after her bath at 7pm, will make that much difference, do you ?
Cluster feeds are not a total neccessity. Many people don't do them on EASY.

Snowi - BW = Baby Whisperer - Tracy Hogg - the EASY routine(Eat, Sleep, Activity, You time)

Oblomov · 29/06/2007 17:11

A feed at 4 and then bath and a feed at 7 sounds fab - why are you worried about this - or was it the thing of not sticking to cluster feeds ?

cktwo · 29/06/2007 20:01

I started to put my three week old to bed at the same time as her 2 year old sister on advice of the HV. They both had a bath and a story, baby had a feed and then to bed. Within three days I could put her down and she'd settle straight away (BTW a similar thing happen with DD!).

I found that this bedtime routine acted as a springboard for the rest of the day. Even though I was demand feeding, once bedtime was fixed, the feeds became fixed round it. There is always some variation with a newborn, some days they are hungrier that others.

I also found with both my babies that I could not get into a routine as such until 12-15 weeks, then all of a sudden, BAMM! I realised naps happened at the same time each morning, followed by a feeds etc etc etc etc

annoyingdevil · 30/06/2007 10:10

tbh - at that age - I just concentrated on a bed time rountine and dream feed. I found he could happily go three hours between feeds in the mornings, but from around 2pm fed all afternoon - I just went with the flow and fed on demand. We got our evenings back very quickly and he slept through from 8 weeks

nannytania · 30/06/2007 10:15

Why don't you do cluster feeds at 7 and 9 and then her dream feed at 11pm?? that might work a bit better?
Good luck!!

cathcart · 30/06/2007 10:32

maybe a bit young , perhaps wait a couple of months before getting too worried about a routine. I'm no expert but imo she's probably doing so much growing and changing right now that you'll make hard work for yourself trying to enforce to much of a routine. Just go with it for now - she'll get there! Sorry this doesn't help much... but good luck and congratulations on your baby1

cruisemum1 · 30/06/2007 13:28

feed! feed! feed!

twelveyeargap · 30/06/2007 13:39

I thought the "key" was the order in which you did things, not times that you did them. I.e. that they feed, then have active time, then sleep. So if your baby is hungry and it's only been 90 mins since last feed, then it doesn't matter. Feed her, then try to do activity and sleep after.

FWIW, my 4 week old can do this "routine" from getting up time (some tome between 7 and 9) until around 5 or 6. Then she wants to feed or be held til around 11pm and it all goes pear shaped. She'll only sleep for about 20 or 30 mins at a time in the evenings and feeds about every hour or 90 mins. Am trying to stick to it in the daytime and figure the rest will follow.

Snowi · 30/06/2007 17:07

Is the BW a book? If so what is the title, I'd like to read it

twelveyeargap · 30/06/2007 17:28

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and The Baby Whisperer Solves all your Problems, both by Tracy Hogg.

I have the former and found it very useful particularly in learning to discriminate why your baby is crying, rather than just thinking it's hungry.

Not everyone likes her "guru" style though. I liked it as it shows how to do a routine without clock watching. There is a website, www.babywhisperer.com

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