Worried about my 2 year olds development.

[Demonia]

My son will be 2 years old in less than a months time and we're starting to get quite concerned with his development. He's not talking, using any words, although he seems like he's quite responsive to what we're saying. He understands "No" and mimics babbling sounds, but when we try with words like "mummy" or "daddy" he seems like he's very reluctant to even try and goes silent. I don't force him to say what he feels he's not ready to say, I want him to be able to say words on his own. We spend time reading to him, teaching him what things are. He's actually just recently learned what Open and Close is. He responds to "TAH" and gives me the item, but if I were to say "Give me your bottle", he wont understand, and this is where we're starting to worry as he should have reached this milestone a few months ago now.

I've spoken to my Health Visitor about this and she's eager to get him in a learning environment so we're applying for nursery early. I've also booked him in to see our GP in a couple of weeks. I'm just here, wondering if any parents have also gone through this too because as a first time mother, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I want my child to thrive and express himself, but sat here pondering what might be holding him back.

Hello

I don’t have advice on how to seek help beyond a recommendation to see your HV, but wanted to offer reassurance that you are doing the right thing to seek professional guidance.

Anecdotally, my DS is 2 very soon as well and would easily be able to do all the things you describe and much more, and although he is seemly ahead on verbalising, of course there are other areas where he is at the other end of the curve (gross motor skills for example; can barely climb a stair).

So while there is natural variation amongst children, if you feel you would be reassured and putting your mind at rest (or would be putting your best foot forward to help your child if indeed there is an issue) then seeking professional support is the best thing you can do.

Well the first thing to let go of is the idea that "you are doing something wrong" (unless you are keeping him in a cupboard, in which case let him out). Except for cases of extreme neglect, children speak if they are able to, regardless of what parents do or don't do.

In your position I'd be more concerned about the lack of understanding than the lack of speech so be sure to highlight that to the GP. Your GP should send your ds for a hearing test and, if I were you, I'd push for an appointment with a developmental paediatrian. These tend to take a while to come through so you may as we get the ball rolling.

How are other aspects of your ds' development coming on? Can he/does he mimic (copy) you, or try to, with things like teeth brushing or waving? How does he let you know when he wants something?

"It takes two to talk is a useful book for parents of children with language delays. If you feel you want to be doing domething now you could try and get a copy from the library and take a look. It has ideas for increasing communication and it wouldnt hurt to try them even if he turns out not to have a delay.

The average 2 year old has about 50 words, and starts putting two word sentences together, however speech delays are also the most common delays in children this age because learning to speak is no easy job!

However, while having no words can be concerning it it the concern with the least significance - the MCHAT screener (which is considered the gold standard for autism evaluation) does not have a single question asking about how many words your child can say, there is a reason why this is so.

They say that in adults 70% of communication is body language, 23% is voice tone, and only 7% is words - it is the same for infants at 18M+. If they don't have words they still have 93% in their 'communication toolbox' to be able communicate; this includes babbling tone, pointing (proximal and distal pointing), giving, reaching, showing, eye contact and other social communicative intentions (waving, clapping, seeking praise, etc) - at this age an infant should be able to communicate their needs and share enjoyment with their carers without the need of any words - deficits in this area would be very very much concerning than lack of words.

Hello, thank you to everyone for replying to my thread, and I'm sorry for not getting back sooner, I've been a bit busy with my support worker who has been helping me with my sons nursery place, so steps have moved in the right direction!

With my boy, he can run, jump, climb. He's climbs everywhere. He's a very active little boy and he's capable of hearing. He responds to his name, he's understands "No" and listens to what you say, he'll mimic you in certain ways, for example he will babble or it's feels like he's maybe trying to say the words sometimes, but is unable to actually say them. If he wants something, like more milk, or more water or juice, he'll put the cup in my hand.

If he hears something interesting (like a packet rustling lol) He'll run straight up to you to see whats there. He's also quite good at solving problems. For example, he's learned he can open things if they're loose or if he sees the baby gate hasn't been closed properly he knows how to lift and push it up. He can even find things I've spent weeks looking for, but just wont say anything by words.

The only thing he doesn't do is point to anything. He's extremely independent in this area. If he see something, he's first intention is to get it for himself and hold it or touch it. It isn't to point something out, but saying this, we're don't point much ourselves. If he knows in unable to get what it is, he will bring me to it, but not point it out.

He's luckily now getting the help and support he needs though. I have a support worker from the Local sure start centre who is helping him get more involved with other children, and said they have specialists there who can help with speech and language. He's still being seen by the GP, but I've been told not worry too much until he's 30 months and still not making any progress, but still am pushing for help so I know we're on the ball. Because I don't want him to struggle, I just want him to enjoy being the happy little guy he is, I'm just aching for him to be able to tell me, even though I can see it in his little smile.

Your son sounds great, and he has really great skills! :)

Not pointing by 24M to share interest in most cases means autism. However there could be other factors at play like visual impairments, or other types of impairments that make it difficult for him to point - only a development paediatrician can find out. The reason why pointing to share interest is so important is because it demonstrates what is refereed to as "theory of mind" which infants with autism have a really hard time to understand. Theory of mind just means that an infant (from around 12M old) begins to understand that their mind is not the same mind as everyone else mind, so what they see and feel is not the same as what their parents see or feel hence why they point to interesting things to make sure their parents see it (i.e. they share their enjoyment with their carers). An autistic child would not point or show objects of interest because they think that what they see is what their parents automatically see so there is no need to point or show.

Neurotically infants are born with a desire to share enjoyment with carers, and would automatically and continuously engage with, show, point and seek praise from them. Pointing is an emergent skill which is not learnt but emerges automatically (from their desire to share) even if they have never seen it before (like crawling and walking are) while for example waving is a learned skill, they only learn it by imitating.

I recommend you have a look at the MCHAT screener (you can find it online); 20 simple questions to answer to give you an idea of what could be going on. The idea is to get as close to zero as possible - as a reference, a neurotypical 18M toddler would score between 0-2 while a 24M would score 0.

You have all the right support in place, you are doing great and keep advocating for him, your son sounds wonderful with such great positives and he will amaze you in the coming months/years :)