Anxiety and Divorce

[ClaireFrank]

Hi ladies, my 4 year old son has some issues with anxiety and I could use some advice. His father and I are separated and share 50/50 custody. We are on good terms and even all hang out occasionally. We live only minutes apart. We are both very involved parents and always have been. We have lived apart since our son was about 1 and a half, but we still spent a lot of time together trying to make things work between us. My husband really wants us to get back together for our son's sake. I'm not sure that is the best idea, as I don't believe we can live peacefully and happily as husband and wife. But then again, I can't imagine being a kid and having 2 homes either.

As for my son's anxiety, he is clingy at prek dropoff and is constantly worried about people dying. I'm not even sure what that comes from!!! I have always struggled with anxiety too, so I'm not sure if he gets this from me, or of it's because his parents are not together. He just went through a phase where he kept having accidents at school (maybe for attention?) and he just recently started chewing his shirt! Any insight or advice is greatly appreciated!

Because you’ve been split for so long , it’s going to be difficult to tell if any of this is caused by the split.

I would say though that young children are usually very adaptable and I would think it unlikely that any of his behaviour is caused by the split.

Lots of children have accidents when they first start school, my DC2 included.

Has the teacher expressed any concerns?

My son is 6 and is quite an anxious child. He chews his jumper cuffs and talks about death a fair bit along with waking regularly with nightmares and a few other things.

We're still together do I doubt it is caused by your divorce. Some children are just more anxious than others. DS has play therapy for a bit and it really helped.

Thank you both! His teacher has mentioned it, especially with his shirt chewing. I have anxiety too, so maybe he just gets it from me. It is comforting to hear you guys don't think it's from our separation. I have started looking into play therapy, so hopefully that may help. Honestly I'm thinking if I slow down and get my own anxiety under control it may help him.