Punish my 6 year old for this or am I over reacting?

[chocolatekimmy]

I am really cross. I went shopping with my daughter (6) and bought a present for her 3 year old sister and at the time talked to her about it being a secret and she musn't tell etc (which she promised).

Then tonight, my three year old told me exactly what she is getting for her birthday (what we bought today) and that her sister told her. When I challenged her she first said she had guessed but almost straight away admitted she had told her but didn't know why.

I was so upset with her and told her she will be punished for it and how its ruined the surprise for the day, imagine how she will feel, how would you feel etc. I dont' think she did it out of malice but I feel as though I need to take some action.

Thing is, I am a bit crap at punishments as it is - often struggle to think of something meaningful and appropriate for the naughty act. Couldn't think of anything tonight but said I will think about it and talk to her again in the morning.

Any ideas or should I just leave it at the lecture?

DO you think at that age there is much of a difference between a secret and a surprise?

Will the little one be disappointed or just excited to be getting the present they know is coming? Surprises aren't that big a deal for very small children.

No secrets in our house either, just surprises - although not many of those as my dd just gets too excited, 'don't look in the dresser Daddy' etc!

I used to work with a child protection team - long before children - and the 'no secrets' thing just stuck from then.

The little one won't care, really she won't, and it wasn't long ago at all that your big one was that little.

Six is so young. they are so very verbal, but remember, most six year olds will happily believe whatever you tell them, and you can explain it with 'Magic' or 'Fairies'.

They don't have the emotional maturity to put themselves in another child's shoes. They don't have the emotional maturity to distinguish a good secret from a bad secret either. If a trusted grown up tells a child it's a good secret, it's a good secret. End of.

She probably just wanted to make her sister smile, isn't that why we all gossip?

I wasn't sure, but I was a bit iffy about the word as I have never ever spoken to DS about it. It could be something he picked up at the CM's.

DS1 picked up the word from school, I think. he old me he couldn't tell me something because it was a 'sequid'.

I'm afraid I agree with the others that it was a little unfair to expect your 6 year old to keep it a secret.

secrets etc aside, thanks for the posts. I have concluded that I'm glad I didn't give a punishment at the time as that would have been an over reaction. I think if I had, I would have obviously had to follow it through and probably would have felt bad about it. I won't even mention it in the morning unless she does.