DD, 4 yrs, asked me today "Are you White, Mummy?"

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

I was a bit taken aback tbh.

It's not a phrase or terminology we use in our family thats for sure!

I suspect that its another thing she's picked up from pre-school. What concerns me is in what context she's learned it.

Also, I'm pretty sure I cocked up my response.

Opinions warmly welcomed please!

Errm - here goes. Well I am what people all white and so are you, but really our skin is a peachy colour isn't it? (Follow up with mention of brown skin on other people) Is that ok?

CALL white

DD announced (when this came up - she was about 4) that daddy was chocolate, mummy was yellowy beige and that she was coffee coloured

I suggested Black, white & mixed to which she just laughed & said no that's wrong

Guess she's overheard something, or another child has repeated something they've overheard. In your shoes I might ask pre-school just if they have any idea where it's come from.

Agree with PG re conversation, seem to recall my mother telling me some people were so daft they said nasty things about people who had different coloured skin, and wasn't that stupid, because you wouldn't say anything nasty about someone because they had blue eyes, would you? (Obv. tailor eye colour to not your dd's.)

I think prof has the answer tbh. DS saw a black woman in town (not many where we live) the other day and he commented on it, so out came the 'well, if you look at everyone, we are all different colours etc...' He was happy with that.

Thanks Edam. Def prefer "peachy" to "yellowy beige"

She has blue eyes

After questionning her about why she was asking (she just said she wanted to know ), I then said "Well, what colour do you think I am? Look at me - im pink, arent I?"

I've already queried the pre-school about the fact that she runs around shouting "kill kill kill" whilst imitating gunfire/sword fighting. They know where its coming from, have spoken the the parents, but have said that the can "only do so much". They are right, really.

You see, if it was natural curiousity she'd have said the literal colour - surely?

"White" to refer to what colour you are, has an undercurrent I'm not comfortable with. Its the context with which she's come across it herself that concerns me.

Am i making too much of it?

I kinda know what you mean - DH hates "black" as a descriptive term for himself prefers caribean/jamaican - he says black/white are political terms rather than descriptive ones

I think I'd have a word with pre-school and see what they say?

I'd leave it, TBH, they come out with all sorts of stuff don't they ? (Kids I mean)

my ds (2) says things like "x (friend from nursery) is brown" and "man is brown" [pointing at bloke in street]. Really did not know how to respond to it at first but now i say yes and then try to point out some other physical differences between people "you've got pale skin and blonde hair. mummy's got mad hair, daddy's got big feet granny's got small feet etc. etc. "

Don't think that these kind of comments from our dcs are worrying in themselves as children want to categorise things but if we respond to them in the wrong way (including ignoring them) then we will create issues where none were meant

Aw, have this mental picture of a very cute little girl with baby blue eyes, now. Shouting 'kill, kill, kill, kill'.

Ds comes home from school talking about killing baddies and so on. I let it go most of the time, seems to be a boy thing. Have managed to steer him towards wanting to be a doctor in the army treating the poor people who are injured rather than a fighter, though. My mother says 'You'll turn him into a cissy.' This from the woman who marched for the right to have abortions and various other left wing/gender causes!

IME at school they actually actively sit down and learn the physical differences between people with a view to teaching that we're all the same

I can tell you I got a shock when DS started talking about skin colour but in the context of hair colour and eye colour as well

why should we avoid the very fact that we all look different .. we do

LOL edam

witch - if she'd have said pink/brown or any other descriptive colour - id've been happier, if that makes sense?

VVV - don't worry too much about it.

It's normal to notice and comment out differences. It's how you deal with it that matters.

My dd(6) has commented several times on the fact that I have a different skin and eye colour to the rest of the family.

ds(3) says there are just different skin colours - golden brown, dark brown and pinky.

Interestingly neither have commented re Aunty X - who is of Jamaican descent. And ds thinks our Kenyan neighbour is his Grandad.

veni
Yup i get the distinction
witch

I have taught ds the 'right' words to use to describe people's skin colour / ethnic origin because I didn't want him piping up about people being "brown", I would (daftly) find it embarrassing

so he knows that some people have brown skin which is called black and some people have pink skin which is called white, etc

I think he thinks we are all mad

I really like your posts here, Katymac and I have to say I like your dd's version of colour interpretation. Kids are great, much better than adults.

Both my boys have refered to themselves as "white" since they were 3, which surprised me, as they hadn't heard it from anyone, but just decided it themselves.

"colour interpretation"? What am I on? DH was distracting me. You know what I mean though!

Fio - just a qucik question when you wrote
"ds piped up that x our childminder is black in front of him" was the him you were refering to your son or your C/Mer

I thought DH was the only black male C/m in the country