My 14month old son hates me

[Hadders87]

Since my son was 9months he has been in childcare as I returned to work.

For the first couple of months he was in a nursery and since September he has been in a childminders.

He loves it at the childminders but over the last 6weeks he has become so disinterested in me.

It started by when picking him up he would t be bothered to today where I picked him up and he screamed and cried with tears and tried to wrestle me away and reached for his childminder.

It breaks my heart, I already feel guilty for working everyday and now he doesn't even want me. Even at home he would prefer his dad.

Am I doing something wrong? Why I am a bad mum. I don't know anyone else who has gone through this and my OH just doesn't understand.

Anyone been through this before?

It's completely normal for their age.

I used to come home from work and DS would start acting up, would run and shout when I asked for a kiss and cuddle and wouldn't warm up for about an hour. He did exactly the same with his dad.

It's a phase a lot of children go through at that age and it does pass.

You’re not a bad Mum, it’s perfectly normal. Just keep being there for him in the time you have in the morning and evening and days off.

It will get better

Thank you both!

It's just so hard when he just doesn't want me and I'm his mum.

I feel like the childminder judges me me I collect as he gets himself Into a right state.

I'm thinking he has got overly attached to her and I'm quite jealous. ☹️

Unless the CM has actually said something to you, or you’ve developed the ability to read minds, you can’t possiblt know what’s shes thinking

Are you off this weekend with him and have you got anything planned?

I expect the childminder has seen it all before, it's very common for a child to find hometime difficult, it's the combination of finding the transition difficult and the emotion at seeing mummy again.

I always feel sorry for the mums when the children play up for them, they are just taken for granted because the children are so secure with them.

I'm a childminder, and a mum.

I can imagine it’s heartbreaking when your wee one is reaching for someone else over you. However imo what you want is for your child to be attached to the childminder. I think cm’s are generally a great idea for kids this age as they take the secure attachment to you and use it as a blueprint to help them attach to others and feel safe. That’s why in nursery kids have keyworkers, someone special to them. Think if he didn’t seem to like the cm, how you’d feel. I know it must be hard but it sounds normal and indicates a security with you that he can form these relationships and express how he feels about them.

My daughter used to turn and face the wall when I came home from work. We had a nanny and I used to be so excited coming back to see her and was crestfallen when she would not only not come to me but actually turn to face the other way and ignore me turning her nose up in the air...

It WILL get better. He is showing you he is cross. Sadly when you have to work there is nothing you can do about it. Don’t be jealous. You are his mummy and he will only ever have one mummy and you can never replace that mummy. 🥰
He will get over it. Keep kissing him and hugging him and loving him and eventually he will come round. Don’t be cross too.
Good luck.