Awful toddler behaviour

[codenameduchess]

I feel like my dd hates me. I'm sat on my own crying right now because she's been so fucking awful and it's 7:05am.

Dd is 3 1/2 and can be difficult, on her own with her dad or granma or nursery she's fine but when I'm around she's really horrible to be around!

She is actively regressing her behaviour, talking and acting very babyish and saying she's a baby plus crying, screaming, hitting, kicking, biting at everything and anything. Even the simplest of tasks he's screaming and crying 'I can't do it, I can't do it' and I mean really simple, like 'can you stand up please?' and I'm talking 30-40 minutes of this ear splitting screaming with garbled babbles it whatever she's protesting. Nothing is right, the other night she had meltdowns because:
She wanted a drink
I have her the drink
She didn't want a bath
She wouldn't brush her teeth
She didn't want to get out of the bath
Wanted a story but not to pick one or tell me which one
I picked the wrong story


I feel awful for yelling at her but nothing else works! She's had thinking time, calm talks at her level, rewards, punishments.... I just don't know what to do anymore with her: in embarrassed to take her out anywhere because this is constant but the thought of being stuck in the house for the next 2 days is making me want to run away.
I feel like the worst mum in the world, I've done my best and my daughter is this horrible child that I can't do anything with and she hates me, it's always me.

Any advice? Experiences? Tried and tested toddler taming methods?

[Emmafh3]

My dd the past week has become very similar.
My dh thinks I'm over reacting because when he is home she's as good as gold.
I've got too tjhe point where she has three chances and I explain on the second and third its "... Or we're not going /doing whatever the activity was" then I walk away and she can sit and whine and cry or scream for a bit until I'm calmed down just slightly to not scream at her and give her no choice but do what needs to be done ie. Get dressed, get the random toy she wanted, or do something like wanting to help turn a light off.
I've notice 1/10 she realises I mean it and actually does what she has asked to do or has been asked to do on the third time or asking because I'm done been dictated to by a two year old.
She's generally good when out in public, so maybe a change of scenery will help?
You're not a terrible mum. It's just that they are showing they love us in a very odd way, right? 😑

[codenameduchess]

A very odd way @Emmafh3 😂

She's just had a massive meltdown in the changing rooms at the pool because she wanted a shower... after screaming at the showers she didn't want one 🤦‍♀️

It's tiring and frustrating being dictated to by a toddler. At least dh sees it, but only when I'm around- when he's alone with her she's fine! My mum thinks we're exaggerating because dd is an angel for her, she's no bother at nursery either. I know it's that mum the person they feel safest with and that's why it happens but good god kid 😭

[nowifi]

My DD is the same! She has to turn the light on before me and if I forget and do it before her she goes mad. Actually she is really good for everyone else but as soon as she gets home she is a nightmare!

[Oysterbabe]

My almost 3 year old is like this a lot of the time. She is impossible to please. Getting dressed is a huge battle every single day. She has about 3 t-shirts that she's happy to wear and will have meltdowns if you try and dress her in anything else. She wants to stay in her PJs all day. She wants to do everything herself but if she isn't able to do it instantly she screams that she can't do it and has a tantrum. She won't wear her coat, she won't have a cover over her at night. Anything you tell her to do she does the opposite. We ended up in A&E on Saturday because she swallowed a 2p after she picked it up and DH told her not to put it in her mouth. She jabbed a plastic fork into her eye the other day because she was messing around with the fork, pushing it against her cheek, and I asked her to be careful of her eyes. That's what I'm dealing with, a person who will purposely jam a fork into her own eye because I said not to. She absolutely destroys her room all the time, pulls every book off the shelf, empties the puzzles all over the floor. If I try and reason with her she does it, if I scream and shout at her she does it, if I ignore her she does it. She loves being told off, she smirks and enjoys the drama of it. The more angry I am the more she laughs and pushes my buttons. I have never and would never smack her but christ alive I've wanted to a few times.

So no advice but I feel your pain and hope it's a phase. I would add that my DD is lovely a lot of the time and we have fun together, we just have a few areas where she is consistently difficult.

[codenameduchess]

Oh @Oysterbabe 💐

My dd is the same, nothing works! No form of discipline, positive or negative reinforcement, reward, punishments, ignoring works. It's so frustrating!

Like yours, mummy dd can be adorable and lovely but this tantrum throwing is getting so bad I'm avoiding going anywhere with her in case she kicks off.

[babypeach]

Sorry I know this is a few days old but just found this and had to laugh at the fork in the eye thing oysrerbabe! My lo is very similar-so contrary and everything is becoming a battle. Even things that should be fun end in tantrums for reasons I can’t decipher!

At least we know that we’re not alone! Xx