3 year old DD referred to SENCO for emotional issues

[Natalies85]

Hello all, my daughter attends nursery two days per week. She is regularly clingy when I drop her off and struggled with the transition from toddler room to pre-school. This week the nursery manager asked if I’d consent to putting her under the SENCO with a view to helping her deal with her shyness and the fact she is “very emotional”. Apparently she does not like to engage in large group activities and gets “emotional” if the teachers try to coax her. Her intellectual development is great they tell me (eg maths, motor skills, reading letters etc). The whole thing is a shock as a) none of the daily reports or monthly assessments I receive has alluded to any issues; b) outside of nursery she is very social, eg at soft play or visiting friends and family. Yes, she can be whingy and quick to cry but...isn’t that normal for a 3 year old? I can’t figure out whether I’m worried there’s something making her unhappy or angry that nursery are effectively saying that as an introvert her personality isn’t correct. Has anyone been through this or have experience in a pre school setting? Thank you x

It is a good thing that they are looking at her development as a whole, and going out of their way to support her with areas she finds more difficult. Why would you be angry ?
Not engaging is going to hold her back in all sorts of areas if it isn't something she can overcome. They are offering to make some small adjustments to help and encourage her to engage more. How, in any way, can that be seen as something bad ?
'Getting emotional' when it is suggested she joins in Nursery activities is something that would stand outside 'usual behaviour', yes, and therefore they are letting you know this is something they are going to focus on, to help situations become less stressful for her. No-one has said "her personality isn't correct", they are offering to try to make her less anxious, and therefore happier.

I'm sorry "BackforGood" but I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. Don't you think that "getting emotional" is quite usual for a three year old? Perhaps I wasn't very clear but this is not happening all the time, certainly from the way it was explained by the nursery there are occasions where, IF she doesn't want to join in a large group activity she will get upset when say, moved from another area where she is playing by herself. Is that really outside of usual behaviour?

Well, it is going to depend how 'emotional' she is, why and when it happens.
Obviously I don't know her, but the point is, the Nursery staff work with dc of her age, every day of their working lives. Yes, you know your dd best of all, but they know how she is 'in comparison with all her peers, plus all the dc of the same age that were there last year, and the year before, and the year before that. Their experience must be saying to them, that your dd's difficulty with transition from one activity to another, and difficulty with coping when asked to do something she doesn't particularly want to do at that point, is enough of a concern that they would like to put some strategies in place to help her cope with those things without being as anxious as she currently is.

'Outside of usual behaviour' seems to be a phrase that you've taken offence at. The point is, LOTS of dc do things (or don't do things) that aren't great...... for some, it is something that affects other children as well, for example biting. A considerable minority of children go through a phase of biting others. It is far enough "outside of normal behaviour" that staff will want to work with them to try to change the behaviour, but it isn't "outside of normal behaviour" enough to be considered really, really worrying. It is something that, in most nurseries at any given time, one child or another will be getting support with. The same applies to children in a pre-school room who don't cope with the fact the day has a sort of 'structure' to it - times when everyone sits down for snack or everyone tidies up, or everyone comes to the mat for story or everyone goes outside (in those Nurseries that can't have freeflow from inside to outside). It isn't a big issue when a child hasn't got there yet, but it is normal for staff to support the child to get there.

What Backforgood said. It's the job of the nursery staff to support any child with anything they might need a little work on, just as it will be their teachers' job later on to support them if they need a little extra help in maths or something. It's not an insult, it's just them doing their job. And I'd say it's probably impossible to know from seeing your dd at home what she might need a little bit of help with in a completely different setting. They think they can help her with something that is likely to enhance her enjoyment - sounds good to me.

Thank you Cory and Backforgood. Your comments have helped me look at this from a different perspective. It has just been a surprise. I didn’t mention in the original post but the communication from the nursery (unintentionally) was very disjointed. The key worker thought the manager had explained the issues and just gave me an FSP contract to sign with no context or explanation. I think that this put me on the back foot although I appreciate that they care for my daughter (and all the kids in the setting) and there is clearly a very positive intention behind this. I am definitely going to sign the contract and work with them.