Please give me some advice / strategies for dd age 6. Been stealing at school

[onedayatatime73]

I am really hoping someone here can give me some tangible advice. Or some words of wisdom / reassurance from someone who has been through something similar.

Youngest DD(about to turn 6 is a very - let’s say - “strong willed” character.

Basically. This week I found out she had stolen a small toy from another child at school and brought it home. When i challenged her on this she lied. But eventually confessed. I took her - and the toy - to go and see her class teacher to explain what she had done. At the time she seemed visibly scared she had to confront her teacher and she was upset. Whilst I felt like it was a quite shocking moment for her I felt that it was the best way for her to comprehend the consequences to what she had done and that it would never happen again.

But her teacher has since informed me that 1) twice this week she has had toys confiscated that she has brought into school (stuffed down her sock apparently). And 2) that she has stolen a toy from another child’s bag and put it in her own.

I am completely appalled and feel a bit heart broken.

Has anyone been through something similar? We have 3 children and I haven’t experienced anything like this before. Also - those who have children like her will understand (and those who don’t probably won’t because I wouldn’t if I didn’t experience this) that she’s sort of “unpunishable”. If I take away toys/ ban tv / shout etc then she just sort of shrugs her shoulders. My other two respond to authority or consequences but she really doesn’t seem to care.

The only thing that seems to affect her is if I withdraw myself from her - ie I don’t read her a bed time story or kiss her goodnight. But i can’t live in a world where as her mum I don’t do that! Even when I haven’t done so for a couple of nights - then when I do she starts behaving in a not nice way at home.

For what it’s worth - I don’t brand her as the “naughty one” and give her lots of encouragement when she does something good. Not just tell her off when she’s done something like this

But. today i feel like an emotional wreck. Tangible strategies and advice welcome.

I’ve got no idea on that one sorry. What has the teacher suggested?

We are going to see the teacher and head teacher next week.

I think you should always show affection such as the kids good night, but I think it's completely reasonable to cut things like a bed time story. She might begin to behave in a 'not nice way' but surely this is her testing her boundaries and by you going back to letting her have a story is showing her there aren't any.

Some kids are strong willed so a little telling off won't phase them. Even if it does, they'll shake it off and continue with bad behaviour. You could try longer lasting punishments like no going to the park for a week. She might have horrendous behaviour that week but stick to your guns and explain she doesnt get to go to the park if she steals.

Hi there, I work in a school it's my job to work with children on the SEN register and the children with adventurous personalities, some people say challenging but I prefer adventurous. I've had quite a few children who steal and it's usually seeking comfort and attention. It happens when there is a new stress in their life or a simple change. I try to look at behaviour as a language and your little girl is trying to express something. I would try explaining the impact stealing has and how it hurts others, imagine if one of her toys went home with someone else. I would stick to positive reinforcement, then sit down draw and talk, don't talk about her behaviour just ask what does she like? What makes her sad? Try and find the root of it also talk about consequences not punishment. Hope this helps! X