Lost my mojo in dealing with ds - 7 year old boy experts over here please!

[puddle]

Posted a while ago about ds.

He is a lovely boy, very bright and has always been quite sensitive. but I am finding him such hard work.

We seem to have really emotional outbursts at least three times a day. He gets frustrated and tearful at the drop of a hat, also gets angry very easily - he has what I can only describe as a short fuse. Lots of shouting 'I hate you' etc.

It's even worse at the moment which I think could be a combination of end of term (tiredness)and big changes coming (moving up to Junior school). But I just can't let his behaviour totally deteriorate.

Any advice for me?

More food, more sleep and lots of reassurance and not too high expectations. It is really tough being 7. Some children fing it hard to "grow into themselves" at this age. Everyone expects a lot of them and yet they are still only small. It is a bit scary.

find - not fing. Can't type this evening.

I own a moody 7yo ds, too. In addition to the sleep/tiredness management, really all I can do is try to spot things that will triggr him and not let it set him off.

My ds1 is like this - he has recently turned 8. Apparently they have a surge of testosterone around this age which makes everything a bit more dramatic. What I think helps my ds1 is to have certain things (not tangible things, more like ideas/interests/hobbies) that are truly his - I think maybe they are looking for a bit of character definition at this age, and reassurance about who they are and who they are becoming.

Both my boys had 'interesting' moods at 7 and 8.
But the consolation is that 9 and 10 are fantastic years.

We are now experiencing 'THE ANGST-RIDDEN YEAR OF BEING 11' with DS1.

It is spookily reminiscent of the 7 & 8 years, but with more pocket money demands, and an almost obsessive interest in hair gel, My Chemical Romance and computer games.

Frustration and anger bursts are supposed to be fairly typical in a gifted child. Is it possible to completely rethink how you are dealing with him. My ds (6.5) can get very angry and moody if he feels an injustice has been done...unfortunately he has a rather odd sense of justice that doesn't necessarily coincide with the real world. I do try to find ways of "translating" the real world needs into his world. For example, he will quite willingly get dressed, do his chores, do his homework, but it can take him hours because he is so easily distracted. No point in disciplining him because it's not a behavior he can change. Instead I try to give him things to do just one or two at a time and remind him every so often about what he is supposed to be doing. He doesn't mind the reminding, but can get quite upset if he's told off for not remembering, because he really doesn't remember that he was told in the first place and thinks it's unjust.
I try to stick to routines as well and am very strict about 8pm bedtime.

After being at the dr's last night with my DS (8) because I was worried why he was so tearful, frustrated etc I sigh a HUGE sigh of relief!!!!

My dr's advice......to be carried out over a month.

bed at 8.30 each night with no tv or reading just a low light if he wants one.
A diary to write down how he is feeling from day to day.
To TRY and not do silly things that will upset others, or make them worry and if he does do these things to write in his diary how he felt when he was doing them and afterwards when he saw the upset it caused.
And finally
If he is upset or angry rather than cry/shout then to sit down until he feels ready to explaain what is upsetting him.

Don't know if this is going to help BUT he did go to bed at 8.30 last night with no problems

Forgot to say like your DS puddle he is also very bright and the dr also said it is partly frustration with school not being challenging enough. For example, a couple of weeks ago because he couldn't go swimming as he was unwell he had to go into yr6 (he is in yr4) he ended up doing the yr6 mock science sats test and passed it finishing before some of the yr6 pupils.

Am hoping yr5 is more challenging for him lol

Hiya Puddle. Here's what worked for my 7yo stroppyboy:

Rules. Typed, on the wall. Only 5 of them and they applied to ALL of us, ie. violence is unacceptable; use a normal voice; be kind;

Expectation management. So "Right, this is what is going to happen today, in this order" and make sure if the plan changes that you tell him in advance. I think this is a bloke thing too, my ex dh liked to know what's happening in advance!

Exercise, make sure he has enough.

Ditto sleep

Cut back on sugar if it might be an issue.

Attention. It's often all down to attention ime. Ds is a joy atm (he's 9) but I still need to keep an eye on the above to avoid strops.

I talk to him about my bad behaviour too, so I'll say "I'm sorry I shouted, I was wrong and it wasn't nice and I sincerely apologise" and I think he really does take it all on board. The other day when I'd behaved badly (lost my temper, shouted, nothing more than that) he said "please can you leave me alone for 5 minutes to calm down because I'm cross with you at the moment but I will accept your apology in a minute" - my own words back at me!

Oh and can i reiterate what Ladyevenstar said about TV. Limit it A LOT. Mine don't watch at all during teh week and only a little on Saturday and Sunday mornings...makes a huge difference in behavior.

Sofia,

I am an evil mummy lol. I not only limit the tv but i also monitor programmes. For example i do not allow digimon, pokemon, simpsons etc I personally feel these encourage violence and rudeness. However DS likes to watch the news lol so he can as often as he feels. When he does watch tv he watches tom and jerry and the older cartoons more than the newer ones. I feel these are much more suitable. just my opinion.

Funnily enough, I wouldn't let me two watch the news ever as it's way too violent (sometimes I can't even watch it). And if I catch them at it, I will change the channel on Tom and Jerry because it's too violent too!! When I was little I would change the channel if Road Runner came on because I found all the violence too upsetting.

LOL Sofia,
The news is almost always on in our house, so I guess DS has got used to it. I rarely watch anything else.....must say I watch news almost 12 hours a day especially if there is a gripping story on that I am foillowing. On the occassions he watches "childrens programmes" it is normally, tom n jerry or sometimes Tracey Beaker.

When he goes to his room to watch a dvd before bed on a weekend it is generally one of the harry potter or lord of the rings films.

HeeHee. Wouldn't let mine watch Harry Potter of Lord of the Rings either! Dd gets scared by Finding Nemo.