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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Food throwing habit, advice needed.

22 replies

lou33 · 29/08/2004 20:15

Ds2 is sn with cp, but I don't really think it is relevent to this behaviour, which is why I have posted here.

I have been fighting a losing battle with ds2 (aged 3 1/2) wrt mealtimes. He has always had a v small appetite, and often refused to eat at all, but now, over the last 6 months or so, he has taken to just throwing everything on the floor, plate, cup, cutlery, usually loaded with food and drink. He knows this is wrong, and he says sorry, but he still does it virtually every meal time, and I am at the end of my tether about it. Don't know what else to do to get him to stop doing it. Help!

OP posts:

JJ · 29/08/2004 20:26

My youngest doesn't eat a lot and is prone to this. He's nearly 3. I give him a very small portion of food on a plastic plate and if he throws it, mealtime is over. If he finishes it, then he gets more.

argh, I'm lying. That's what I do every now and then. I've given up on mealtimes for the moment but if he throws his food, it's out of there.

My reasoning is if he's not hungry, he's not hungry. I've taken to doing things to make him more hungry (ie cutting down on his milk intake which was huge) and we've always had a policy that the kids can leave the table when they're done, but no coming back and no playing in the dining area.

Are you worried about his weight? I've got tips on that too (they all involve adding olive oil to food and drink).

Original poster

lou33 · 29/08/2004 20:31

He's underwieght JJ, sees a dietician and is on food supplements, so yes, his weight is a concern, but he gets all the stuff like olive oil etc as well. I only give him small portions, and top up as necessary, but I think he needs to stop this party trick he has discovered. I do use plastic for him, but dh can be a bit of a fool sometimes. He gave him a china bowl the other day, one of 3 I have left as a memory of my mother (she died 5 1/2 years ago), and guess what? He threw it, and it smashed into many many pieces.

OP posts:

JJ · 29/08/2004 20:43

I'm really sorry and very cross at your dh.

You've tried all the normal routes, I'm sure (ignoring, etc). My son wasn't responding to those (in a different situation) either. The advice I got was this: praise him anytime he does it right. In my case, this meant praising him when he took a breath during a tantrum. She said it was a delicate balance (I shouldn't encourage him to tantrum just to get praise) but it has worked.

It worked in conjunction with the advice that instead of ignoring, I had to say calmly "This is unacceptable" and remove him from the situation. I'm not sure of his feeding arrangements, but maybe you could just leave and come clean it up later? I don't know if that's a good idea or not, really. Whatever would work for you.

I know that any discipline is harder with kids who don't get the "normal" life. It's not a problem with my youngest, luckily.

Original poster

lou33 · 29/08/2004 22:06

I've done the ignoring, I've done the telling him it's not allowed, still nothing. If he doesn't chuck it on the floor it's smeared all over the tray and himself. I guess I will have to wait until I see his paed in a few weeks, but it's really getting me down. None of my others did this.

OP posts:

JanH · 29/08/2004 22:10

aw, lou, PITA.

Can you just give him a tiny bit of each meal on the plate at a time, so if he does chuck it doesn't make such a mess?

Original poster

lou33 · 29/08/2004 22:35

I do Jan, he has a tiny appetite, but today for example, it was rice....... say no more!

OP posts:

JanH · 29/08/2004 23:00

Oh, rice...everywhere then?

He is an articulate boy, isn't he? Have you had an in-depth discussion about it?

Original poster

lou33 · 29/08/2004 23:11

Oh yes, well at least tried to. He changes his answer each time. I wasn't hungry, I'm finished, I love you, I want to get out......

I've asked him if he knows he shouldn't throw his food on the floor, and he says yes, so I ask why he does it, and he just smiles. Am really sick and tired of it now.

OP posts:

JanH · 29/08/2004 23:24

Does he eat some of it first? How much does he eat in a day? Is it just dinner or does he do it with breakfast and lunch as well? Is he sitting at the table with the rest of you or does he have meals by himself?

Original poster

lou33 · 29/08/2004 23:28

He does it with all meals. He is in his sn highchair with us when he eats.

OP posts:

JanH · 30/08/2004 09:37

Sorry, lou, I conked out at that point.

I was wondering if you could treat him as if he is a much younger child, not put his cup and dish and cutlery on his tray at all, and feed him like a baby - not as a punishment but just the most practical way of dealing with him at mealtimes. Or feed him separately for a bit? Or not even give him the same food as you, give him sandwiches or something? If he won't tell you why he's doing it I can't think of anything else.

Sorry if you've already tried doing that. Sorry about your mother's bowl too.

Original poster

lou33 · 30/08/2004 18:53

It is completely frustrating Jan. Even with sandwiches, which he would eat for every meal if he could, he just pulls them apart and throws them. If I had the receipt I would take him back

OP posts:

crumpet · 30/08/2004 19:05

You've probably already tried this, and it may not be appropriate to his age, but with my dd of 18 months who has been going through a similar phase, I've been reiterating that if she doesn't want any more she needs to say "no more mummy" and I'll take it away. Recently she has started to do this (although not always!). If she does say this then she isn't offered anything else, and can get down. HTH

JanH · 30/08/2004 19:15

What if you just didn't give him anything for a couple of meals? I know you said he's underweight and obviously that's worrying but if you just didn't put anything out, didn't call him for meals, and if he turned up said "well I'm sorry DS2 but as you've been throwing it away I assumed you didn't want any" - ??? Might concentrate his mind a bit!

Alternatively could you bring his paed appt forward?

Original poster

lou33 · 30/08/2004 20:30

Tried that crumpet, but thanks for the input.

Not too sure about not calling him for mealtimes. I think he would have a meltdown, and I have a suspicion I may be reprimanded by the docs. Will think about it.

Actually he has been good today, only food smearing, no actual throwing, but I am suspicious of it lasting tbh.

OP posts:

crumpet · 30/08/2004 20:35

thought you would have done - but if I hear of any tips will pass them on

Caroline5 · 30/08/2004 21:42

Lots of sympathy Lou, dd2 (sn) does this as well, but usually only after she has had enough (about one mouthful )! I have had no successful strategies, although she knows she shouldn't do it and thinks the whole thing is a great joke. I had some success with blu-tacking the plate to the table , but this did make her pretty frustrated and didn't actually increase eating. If not careful, having thrown her own food on the floor, she will start on everyone else's when not looking!

It is really frustrating I know, esp when you are trying to get them to put on weight. I haven't found the paeds very helpful on this sort of thing - is yours any good? dd sometimes eats better when in another room to normal or when distracted by something else eg music/tapes or TV.

Original poster

lou33 · 30/08/2004 23:38

Thanks Crumpet.

It's getting me down tbh Carolin, sweeping food up, scraping yoghurt off the curtains. We don't have the option of another room to feed him in, but I have tried it with tv on. He just forgets his food is there until the end of the programme, then tips it over at the end. The paed is pretty good, but I don't know if this is their area really. I haven't got time with 3 others to stand over him, and I don't think I should be feeding him either.

OP posts:

Caroline5 · 31/08/2004 21:32

Just thought - is it related to him being constipated? dd never eats anything much when constipated, but does eat relatively well when not. We just find it impossible to keep her on an even keel, so that she eats well all the time. Sorry if this is really obvious. Also because dd doesn't use up much energy, she doesn't ever work up much appetite. Hope your paed comes up with some ideas

happymumxxx · 02/09/2004 22:45

im not sure whether this will be of any help lou. my 21mnth old dau has just recently started throwing food at meal times and i know its an attention thing as she smiles as we tell her it is unacepptable behaviour .so since this morning we have decided to tell her,warn her and then time out on the stair for 2mins.she then comes back to her meal. not sure if this is the right thing to do but i shall keep you updated and good luck xx

Original poster

lou33 · 14/09/2004 17:19

Grrr, ds has just lobbed an egg cup and smashed it. HAd to cancel the paed for one reason or another, so can't see her until october 8th now.

This is driving me mad.

I don't have any stairs to do time out on, and he is always constipated, so I have no idea what it is.

OP posts:

hovely · 15/09/2004 21:23

sympathy lou.
Just a few thoughts, apologies if you have already tried all this.
What does he get out of it? Does he get a nice big row with lots of shouting? Does he get any extra or more exciting attention? What do the rest of family (bros and sis) do?
Would it work to turn his highchair around so that he has his back to the rest of the room as soon as he throws anything - no shouts, just quickly and quietly cut him off that way?

Also, would it make any difference if he had actually made any of the food - don't know whether his cp would affect this or whether he could help you with mixing or anything like that - then tell all siblings it was DS's special dinner that he had made - get him to value it etc.

Or what about food that is more fun to eat - corn on the cob? hummus with dips? I know life is too short to make little cat faces on everything as Annabel Karmel would have us doing, but a bit of fun sometimes seems to draw a child in.
HTH, good luck.

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