Mum of a 10 year old, and I feel like I've lost my way!

[HannahRuth]

Hey MumsNet!

This is my first post on here. And I honestly didn't know where to turn to. I am a Mum to a gorgeous 10 year old boy, who lost his spark! He lost his Grandad (was practically a dad to him, as we lived with him for all DS's life) in December 2017. And since then we have lost the fun easy going slight mard boy.

I don't have a solid group of friends with children. I don't have many solid friends as it is, due to having my Son early and then drifting from some of my longest friends, as I went to study...! My family tell me I'm doing a great job, but I can't help feeling like I am a total failure.

My son has always struggled academically and if I'm totally honest we have never set homework as a high priority in the household! Due to one thing and another, not that that's an excuse. I feel I have let him down in this. But the past is in the past I can't change that.

But he just seems so unhappy, teachers have told me he isn't the same boy. His friends don't seem to bother with him as much. He's started knocking around with dare I say it, the cheekier children. And I'm pushing him away from them, yet I feel that's making him more unhappy! I'm lost, and don't know who to turn to for help.

So I guess I'm just here to network, speak to some like minded Mums who may have any advice 😊

X

[Edited by MNHQ to remove names and protect OP's privacy]

Given his age, is it possible to sit down with him and talk some of it through? Is there a sport or activity he'd like to try, where he could make some new friends? Or step in and invite one of his old friends over every now and again to try and keep the friendship going? Maybe to do something fun like going swimming? Perhaps there's a new activity you could take up together, and both make new friends?

It might also be worth talking to the teacher about homework, and considering if you want to change your approach for the future. Doing the homework might improve his performance and therefore self-esteem. How does he feel about homework? Does he not do it because it's not enforced, or because it's a nightmare for both of you if it is enforced?

I hope you find your way again!

Has he had some form of grief counselling? Have a look at Winstons Wish. My boys were 6 and 10 when my mum died - they were very close to her and I’d say it took 18m-2 years to process x