Discipline for 4.5 year old

[looloo80]

Not really sure where to start! Need advice for disciplining our 4.5 year old son. He started school in September and that's going pretty well. This year we sold our house, lived with in laws for 4 months and have been in our new house for about 3 months. So we had a lot going on. But our son is just pushing boundaries, testing patience. Sometimes he's delightful, a joy to be with, and other times, he's horrible! He is quite physical with his little sister (I wouldn't say violent but he will push or kick) he can be very rude, ignores us, just gets so silly and hyper, charging around if we are trying to get ready for bed etc. A couple of (older generation) people have commented that we are too soft on him. Maybe we are. We aren't confrontational people so perhaps that has influenced us. We know we need to enforce consequences but this is really hard to do on the spur of the moment, ie, if he is naughty, we are put on the spot to think of something. He doesn't seem to have anything that he cares enough about to make him behave.
Is this a normal stage at this age? How do you choose consequences? Any books that you can recommend? All ideas gratefully considered.

Am in the same boat with my 4.5 yo. Sorry no advice just empathy. It's so hard!

My 4 year old is exactly the same right now. At wits end. Hoping it’s a phase

Read 'Calm parents, happy kids' by Laura Markham, it's kind of anti-discipline but her ideas and techniques are working well for us (and others I know). It also may appeal if your instincts are non confrontational. I think it could also be very difficult if your and his behaviours are quite entrenched but still worth a look. Others I know speak highly of 'how to talk so kids will listen' and 'how to talk so little kids will listen' books.

Whatever you do that works- let us know.There have been lots of posts about 4 year olds recently. I think starting school is hard for them even if they manage the school bit fine.

Thank you for the book recommendations. I have heard of them so will get reading.
It's nice to know that others are going through a similar scenario - perhaps it's something to do with the increased structure, rules and discipline at school that makes them rebel at home?!

I definitely think it's partly that. Talking to other parents in playground quite of a few say their child's behaviour at home has deteriorated- all are doing fine at school. One Dad said he gives his DD 15 minutes when she gets home to run around and scream 'to get the naughtiness out' - has helped that child. My DD is really hungry and tired when she gets home and wants hugs but needs food (and hugs).

I think lots of children are hard work at that age.

Sometimes focusing on the positives works - like spotting good behaviour and praising that - instead of just pointing out the not so good behaviour. Sometimes children start seeing themselves as ‘good’ then and you might see more good behaviour.

Do you use reward charts?

I like the 15 minutes mad time idea! My son comes home exhausted but by the time bedtime comes he's wired.
No we don't use a reward chart but it's the second time this week someone has mentioned it, so perhaps I need to get one.

We use reward charts and often works initially but very hard for us all to stick to it

No advice but sending hugs your way as our 4 year old started school in September and we are in exactly the same position. I know it sounds awful but I am dreading my sons parents evening tonight as I am worried how he has been behaving at school particularly as he hits us when he is angry- my friend whose son is best friends with mine informed me her son had a nosebleed yesterday which he blamed on ours saying he had hit him during a game as my son didn't want him to get away. I was absolutely mortified by this and spoke to my son, he told me he was practising his disco moves and did a spin and accidentally hit him but with all his bad behaviour at home it sounds awful but I am struggling with believing him. Feel like a terrible parent currently but his behaviour is causing me so much anxiety.

It's so hard when you question your child's behaviour and you're not sure if you trust them or not. At least we know we're all in this together and hopefully as parents we can stand together and not be judgemental, knowing we're all going through it!

My 4.5 year old is also acting up at the moment. I know she's tired with school and worried about change (new baby on the way) but I'm really struggling! 34 weeks pregnant now, 2 weeks left at work and everything is a battle- getting dressed in the morning, brushing hair, getting out to school. She loves school but is refusing to eat at after school club (where she goes 3 days) and comes home very hungry and very cranky as a result. Then whines until she has food, then whines all evening for more food until bedtime comes when she kicks up about going to bed....

I know I should be more patient but I'm heavily pregnant, exhausted and have SPD and find myself losing my temper more often than I should. Trying to remember to praise the positives...