Both me and OH are at our wits end, as we scream so much at them, but just can't see any kind of improvement, be it a gentle approach or if they push it till we lose it!! We have 3 boys, but the problem lays with our 3yo and 5yo who will use every opportunity to start a fight, hurt or hit each other. The older one usually pokes at something, until the 3yo is in tears (it literally takes nothing to make him cry) and gets vicious and aggressive, eg kicking, biting the 5yo or pulling his hair. Both tend to screech for "Mummy", but tbh I've gone so numb over the last 1-1.5 years of this that I honestly just don't care anymore who has done what to who. It makes me a c parent and I want how things are or how I am with them, but we're stuck in this rut and it's just me losing it and shouting at them and them taking nothing from it and keep doing what they do. My OH has been diagnosed with depression and we openly discuss how much harder this parenting s is than expected. We both feel empty and numb towards the children a lot of the time and especially the constant crying and whinging of the 3yo seems like torture, as it happens without fail day in and day out. This morning, eg he screamed and screeched all the way home, occasionally asking for a cuddle, which I just can't master to give, as I'm already boiling inside. But then the weird thing is that he was fine and holding a friend of mine's hand just before the epic meltdown started. The 5yo is at school now, but cries at drop-off every morning which I completely don't get - surely, school and a break from your exhausted and shouting mother must be welcome, right? But he insists that he is missing me - again, I feel mostly numb about this and can't even get myself to say that I miss him too (I don't, I'm glad when it's a child less at home as this usually equals less stress). Am I just done with being a SAHM? Or have I just turned into a really s**y mum? Because I used to read a lot into gentle parenting and all that, did all the long-term bf and carried them in a sling, etc and I am pretty sure, I wasn't always just shouting and actually a nice mum to be round with. But I just don't know what to do with them anymore. They have no real interests, other than fighting and things I suggest doing are usually not followed through and end in tears and guess what - a fight/disagreement. The 3yo goes to nursery 3 mornings a week and seems fine there, as does the 5yo at school. No reports of being difficult children and the teachers say about the 5yo that he stops crying and seems happy once in his classroom. I really am at a loss and do the next day by hoping and believing that things will turn around at some point. I really hope they do, because this isn't a nice life at all. Not for me, my OH or my children.