Ok, can you tell me if my 4 year old is normal or behaving in an odd manner please?

[oliveoil]

dd1 is very sensitive, I have read the Sensitive Book and she ticks all the boxes. She can be hard work but is lovely too.

Lately she seems to be 'pretending' her emotions iyswim. She just watches and then if she sees dd2 or othe friends laughing, or dancing, anything, she copies it in a really exagerated fashion.

It is as if she doesn't know how to react or behave unless someone else shows her how.

Also, she is becoming VERY fearful of any new situations, whatever we try is ruined by her crying and whining - going on the beach, face painting, new parks, bouncy castles

you name it

so is this just a stage or do you think something else?

I have thought her different for a while and dh has disagreed, now he seems to be coming round to my way of thinking.

Thanks!

x

My dd copies like that at times. Somtimes it's dancing, decisions when playing games she'll copy us, even things she likes or dislikes she'll copy what she's just heard rather than thinking for herself. I've never wondered if that was "normal" though.

I'm not sure if what you describe is just a stage or not but hopefully someone will be able to help.

I AM that sensitive child. My daughter is too but she's not as freaky as I was.

I consider myself a normal adult but have a few OCD things I keep under control pretty much like not liking the feel of dry skin so constantly moisturising! (Close friends will probably recognise me by this now, eek!)

Anyway, I would do that thing you describe with emotions. If autism had been such a buzz word then it would have been uttered in my direction for sure because I was really odd about showing different emotions and used to stare quite a bit at grown ups too, trying to work them out.

Soooo, what I'd say as a sensitive mummy of a sensitive child is that it is different but normal and she will become more 'normal' and subtle as she gets older probably.

As a behaviour adviser I'd say watch out for her being out of her depth with her abilities/your perception of her smartness. Sometimes this sort of thing indicates an inability/discomfort with mistake making. Would need to see more to be sure though.

They seem to change so much at this age - dd1 who has just turned 5 has suddenly got so many new worries and fears - she was never afraid of the dark, but is now, afraid to go upstairs by herself, afraid to be on her own, afraid of sudden noises, strange situations. I do think its partly a phase and party her personality.

The world is suddenly a much bigger place for them as they gain a bit of independence, and i think that can be scary. And they suddenly have a grasp of time and growing up and change - all in a short space of time - so not surprising they can have the odd anxiety.

DD said today that she was worried about what she's going to look like when she's older in case she looks horrible. She's gorgeous, told her she always will be, but she said 'what about when my teeth fall out and i go crinkly? Will you still think i look nice?'

All you can do is be totally reassuring and patient i guess. Going to start reading that book - thanks again for that!

Quite a lot of 4 year olds are a bit odd for a while from what I've seen.

They are a cross between a toddler and a child and seem to veer between the 2 stages quite dramatically. Well, my dd did anyway.

Sorry, not being much help am I?

(I know what I mean but can't express myself atm) [too much wine]

Boco has said pretty much what I meant!!

My dd is now 6 and is now more 'settled' in who she is. She is an odd mixture of fairly outgoing and confident, and yet sensitive and anxious.

Her teachers have alway described her as being'very much her own person'. Which means, well I don't really know tbh

Does she go to nursery or any where away from you? Have her teachers commented on it?

hello, thanks for your replies (I avoided posting on this at home as I get upset and have to pretend to dh I have hayfever. Inside the house. At 9pm.)

anyway

she goes to playgroup, has done since she was nearly 3

she was very antisocial when she went there, but her keyworker says she has come round

we put music on at home and she doesn't do anything, dd2 gets up to dance and she then does, copies her moves, keeps doing sideways glances to see if she is 'doing it right' iyswim

oh I don't know, I am sure she is ok, I just fret

and I am at work now so don't make me cry with nice posts or I will have to pretend I have chilli eyes ot summat

xx

I think she sounds perfectly normal olive. Some children are just more hesitant when faced with new situations.

They can change so much - especially in those first few years of school.

My dd used to be like yours - we'd go to the playground, she'd look at the tall climbing frame and wouldn't even try it - she'd say 'I can't climb that' and be totally down on herself. It used to break my heart especially as I'm not that sort of person.

Roll on a few years time - she's still very sensitive but YEARS of me saying, 'you can do anything' and 'you are brilliant, you know' and she will now turn her hand to anything (she learnt to dive in the deep pool last week with me, I was ever so proud ).

Now I just have to work on ds a bit arrghh.

Is there anything she'd really like to do? Ballet, gym, swimming - something where she could possibly be in a small group and learning to do something new? You may find it gives her a bit of confidence.

we started ballet a few months back and she loves that (always at the back though when I spy on her at the end when i go to collect, no rhythm whatsoever and out of time copying but hey, she seems to like it)

hates swimming with a passion, gets v upset, clings to me and ruins it for dd2 as we have to leave after 10 mins

oh, it doesn't matter how good/bad they are, as long as they are enjoying it.

Will she be starting reception in September?

dont worry oo

my robust 4 year old is very emotional atm

dd1 was at her worst during that summer between nursery and school

just keep doing what you are doing and indulge her as much as you can

ok thanks

she is such hard work sometimes though

went to Blackpool the other day, put them both on a small ride in an arcade (which I detest, the noise the noise arrrrghhhhh)

anyway, they both went in the Barbie car, it went up a SMALL hill and then high pitched screeches were heard

it was dd1, they had to stop the bloody ride!

£2 for 10 seconds, grrrrrr

tbh I found age 4-5 very hard work in both my children (encompassing the first term of reception when they are knackered all the time and their behaviour deteriorates enormously!)

are you a sensitive soul yourself?

lolol at barbie car

does it go round on a loop?

there is one at weymouth

dd1 refused point blank to go on it when she was 4

in fact even dd2 cried on it

arcades and fairs and ridesr are HARD if you are one of Those Types

dd2 was fine, beaming

then she heard dd1 and she started crying too

fgs

we were only there to go on the horse and carriage (they are into Wizard of Oz DVD and the wizard has one )

the day before they had their faces painted, dd1 was a bee and then cried the paint was too 'tight' and she wanted to go home

foxy - I don't think I am sensitive but dh says I am

make of that what you will

I cry easily

dd1 just seems like her senses are turned up to 11

smells, sounds, tastes etc, everything sets her off

she had her face painted

dd1 would never have that done (cue panicked crying) until she was 6

we do face painting, a lot, at home.

i think a lot of this kind of behaviour is to do with control. if one of my girls freaks at the very thought/sight of something I sometimes win them round by getting them to do something eg painting face of doll, to give them a watered-down version of the experience. does that make sense

she was at playgroup nearly a year before she would have her face done

then one day she came out with a dog painted on

I must say I nearly cried

am sure they think I am a loon at her playgroup with my enthusiasm for the slightest thing

yes it sounds good

our worst moments with dd1 were a) when she had to leave school early as they had picked her to take part in a science experiement with the older children and she had to blow through a tube - she had a panic attack and had to be carried out by the teachers

adn in the science museum wheree she had a full blown panic attack - fetal position, starign eyes, ragged breathing bloody hell it was quite scary

it is hard isn't it

we went to Wales the other weekend and stayed in a (swish) caravan which dd1 loved

went on the beach and she was scared of the seaweed and wanted to go back to the caravan

didn't like the shells we collected

didn't like the sea

etc etc etc

looked just really SAD all the time, which is why dh got worried, why would a child be so SAD at the seaside?

My best friends DS aged 4, loves pretending to laugh. He always pretends to laugh at everything, obviously not real. A real hearty fake laugh.

he has become particular baout things too. Everything he does has to be just so, which means new experiences have to be done with him in complete control or it is ruined.

I obviously dont know too much about it, but spend a lot of time with him, and his parents consider it normal behaviour.

My dd (4.5) definitely does the copying emotions thing - she laughs in a very loud & exaggerated way when other people laugh. My friends ds (4) is fearful of new situations & experiences too, he gets very upset. I've also thought both of these things were just part of their development tbh. I certainly don't think either things are particularly unusual, I could give you more examples from friends & family!?