How do I explain sex to my DD - Part 2

[Pesha]

I started a thread about how to tell my daughter about sex a couple of years ago when she was 4. After a bit of debate I worked through what I thought was right, bought a book called 'made with love', read her this a few times, answered her questions and all was fine.

She is now 6.7. I've recently had a baby and while I was pregnant she got the book out and read through it a few times again. Fine, no problems.

But this morning she said to me "Mummy what does it feel like when daddy does what he does to put a baby in you?" I had no idea what to say so I just said it feels ok and she said does it tickle and I answered kind of and then she got distracted by DS1 and has now gone to her dad's for the weekend.

But what do I say if she asks again as let's face it I didnt exactly answer her question for her? I was fine with her knowing the basic facts but this is abit more than that and I'm really not sure what to tell her but I dont want to just fob her off, I've always tried to be open and honest with her.

TIA

Thanks for all your replies

Shiny - lol at your dd falling off the toilet

Well dd hasnt asked again and have not really had a chance to talk about it but I think I will try and work out exactly what im going to say so I'm prepared when it comes up again. She does seem to becoming more aware of sexuality, she asked about adults kissing with tongues a while ago and a few other things have come up. It is quite scary really as she is only 6 and whilst I was prepared for talking about sex for making babies I wasnt expecting sex for pleasure for a loooong time! And I dont think its something that's coming from her friends, I think it is just her curiosity.

I never talked about any of this with my parents as a child and I do have a few hang ups and find it quite hard to talk about. I dont want her to be like that so I am trying very hard to put my hang ups aside. I do feel abit uncomfortable telling her sex is anything other than a way to make a baby at this age which is why I started this thread to see if others thought it was appropriate but as the consensus seems to be that it is, and i think really I know theres nothing else i can say as I dont want to lie, then I will tell her it feels nice. I think I will say it IS a special cuddle, as CS said it is a special cuddle and she does already know the mechanics of it, I think special cuddle describes the feeling of it quite nicely for a child her age.

A while ago she caught about 2 mins of hollyoaks (she was looking for simpsons!) and saw the schoolgirl giving birth and was amazed that school children could have babies and asked me if they could 'real life' so I said yes OLDER school children can but really its best to wait till you're a proper grown up because babies are such hard work and you'd miss out on playing with friends etc so we've kind of done the age talk already!

I thought me having another baby might have put her off abit but actually she has decided when she is older she is going to have triplets

Mmmmmm having read your threads its made me realise that being almost 9yrs old I think I ought to bring the subject up with her but tbh I don't know how or what to say! I still think of her as a little girl when I know she's not - she's very grown up for her age and yes I am aware you can start your periods at 9yrs old (my Mum did) so perhaps the book I bought 'Mummy lays an egg' needs to make an appearance and we need to sit down and have some one to one time.....I'm getting nervous already...it's as nervous as potty training toddlers!!!

its worse

which one? potty trg or explaining sex to a 9yr old?!!

sex definately.
potty training is just messy

Ok thanks!! Now I've just to find the courage, pick my moment and hope I don't say the wrong thing...!!!

Good luck Barney

i got a book, which was excellent.

saved my blushes

what was it called? I need all the help I can get!!

Barney, really, it's not so bad! Think of it as being just like any other thing you would talk about with her, same as how to cook, or why do some people look different from others. sure there are ethics and feelings involve, but I bet you have talked to her about lots of other stuff. I wouldn't make a big deal about it, honestly. Why not go for the straight up approach, and just ask her some time when you are doing something together something along the lines of "have you ever wondered about how babies are made", and go from there. I don't think that you need to go for the whole "lets sit down and talk about the birds and the bees", just let her know you are happy to talk about it, kick the conversation off and see where it goes. You can have a few books there in case she wants to look at the pictures etc, or as follow up, but she's probably listen for a bit, ask a few questions and then go yuck or giggle a bit and change the subject, and that's fine! I don't think that people should think of it as an ordeal to talk about, honestly!

Thanks nooka. With never having been told anything by my parents I want to make sure I tell her as much as she wants to know - up until now its been 'special cuddle' and the 'stork' etc etc....even my dh has told her over the years that he was found underneath a goosberry bush! At the time it seemed to work but now??!!! I wonder how he's going to answer that one when she queries it with him after we've had a chat!

I'll take your advice thanks re dropping it into a conversation rather than sitting her down - I think if I were to sit her down and say 'right, now let me tell you where babies come from' she'll find it too heavy and too much to take in.

It's been preying on my mind for sometime especially due to her age (almost 9) and she is a grown up girl for her age but I've just been shying away from it!

this is the book i got from library.. well we were going to read it together but younger sibling kept appearing... as she does.

LET'S TALK ABOUT WHERE BABIES COME FROM
a Walker Book
by Robie H Harris.

i thought it was really good, and funny.. good cartoons.

my ds asked me, when i had had his younger sister,when he was 5.. but dd never did, i kept waiting for her but the only time she did he was listening.. and i was
with her sex education rearing i really wanted to tell her beforehand..

My mum never even talked to me about periods - and I am the youngest of three girls! I learnt everything from my big sister, and I guess I've gone on doing that. She told her little boys about sex and babies when they were very small, and I just think it's easier that way, as even if you feel embarassed they don't. I remember telling my nephew that the tampons in the ladies were sweets for ladies or some such rubbish when he was four or five, and him telling me not to be silly they were for when mums have periods...

Oh, dd (6) says it's good that mums tell their daughters.

Nooka - that's exactly why I think I need to bring the subject up with her because I think if I leave it too late she'll start telling ME how babies are made/periods etc!

just grin and bear it