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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3 week old losing his shit on an evening - please help!

27 replies

AllesAusLiebe · 23/10/2018 22:46

Hello,

If anyone has any suggestions as to what I can do about this, I’d be so grateful! Slowly losing my mind!

My son is 3 1/2 weeks old and is so lovely during the day - rarely cries (he’s bf and I’m really responsive to his little cues now), really alert and generally chilled out.

For the last week, he has completely lost it every evening from about 6pm to 10:30pm and nothing I try seems to work. Honestly, he’s like a different kid - crying, whining etc.

I try and feed him but he pulls away, I’ve tried walking around the house with him, Infacol, nappy change, pacifier, turned the lights down, sling.... nothing works!

Anyone else had this trouble? Did you solve it? How did you stop yourself from going crazy??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

April2020mom · 23/10/2018 22:51

Colic?

youlemming · 23/10/2018 22:53

Both my DD's were like this, we called it the witching hour (though it was about 3hrs) which is very common.
Like you we tried everything and although it won't be any comfort now it does pass and just seems to be something you have grit your teeth and ride through.

The only way we could eat in peace was the odd evening they would be happy being rocked in the car seat on a chair next to one of us at the table.
Or the frequent movement from being passed over the table between us so we could get in a few bites each between outbursts.

Hope he settles quickly for us.

youlemming · 23/10/2018 22:54

*for you

MumUnderTheMoon · 23/10/2018 23:02

Have you tried an oscillating chair. My dd loved hers you can get some lovely ones that do from birth right up to toddler age dd used hers as a chair up until age 3.

Original poster

AllesAusLiebe · 23/10/2018 23:09

@April2020mom that was my first thought, but he doesn’t seem really distressed, more whiny and the Infacol doesn’t seem to be having any impact.

@mumunderthemoon we’ve got a Nuna Leaf - is that the type of thing you mean? I tried it for the first time about a week ago and he hated it 😂, but will give it another try during the inevitable meltdown tomorrow night.

@youlemming oh no, that’s exactly what I was afraid of! 😩 How long did it last?

OP posts:

Original poster

AllesAusLiebe · 23/10/2018 23:17

@youlemming sorry, do you mind if I ask if your DDs were bf or ff? Just wondering whether it’d make a difference if I changed to formula.

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MumUnderTheMoon · 23/10/2018 23:18

I'm not sure what a nuns lead is. Does it vibrate or rock? We had something similar to this one it vibrates which a lot of babies seem to find soothing. Your baby isn't even 28 days old yet so I'm not sure that you should decide just yet on whether or not he hates the one you have as everything is new and he needs a chance to get used to it. Everyone does things differently if it were me I'd put mine in the "buzzy" chair and sit beside them making soothing noises until they calm down no matter how long it takes if you can bear the thought of this maybe try a baby sling? Then you can get on with whatever your doing but while still holding your wee one.

3 week old losing his shit on an evening - please help!

Original poster

AllesAusLiebe · 23/10/2018 23:22

@MumUnderTheMoon ours looks similar to that - I’ll give it another go. You can rock it from side to side manually, so I guess it’ll do the same job.

Ha ha, you’re right! I haven’t really given him a chance to decide if he likes it or not. I’m just sleep deprived and exasperated I think! 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

AllesAusLiebe · 23/10/2018 23:27

Thanks for the replies, too, guys.

OP posts:

MumUnderTheMoon · 23/10/2018 23:31

You are probably sleep deprived. I know a baby crying can be exasperating but if you try and look on it as communication I think it takes the pressure off. Little ones don't want much if he's fed and dry and comfy then maybe he's just making himself heard try not to worry or read too much into it. Also do try to sleep when he is and definitely think about the babysling so that you can get on and tidy round or make dinner or whatever so that when he is sleeping you can without thinking about jobs that need doing.

Original poster

AllesAusLiebe · 24/10/2018 00:05

@MumUnderTheMoon thanks so much for your reply, I really appreciate it.

I’ll give the sling another try tomorrow (I think I dismissed that too quickly as well... ) and I think you’re right. I’m a new mum and just want to get everything right and, in my mind, the fact that he’s crying and I can’t seem to help him means that I’m getting it wrong. I probably need to relax.

I feel sorry for my DH, though as his coming home from work collides precisely with DS’s meltdown. DH really looks forward to seeing him every night but all he’s doing is crying. It’s really sad when he’s so calm and lovely during the day.

OP posts:

MumUnderTheMoon · 24/10/2018 00:12

I'm sure your doing your absolute best being a new mum can be tricky at times ( and being a not so new mum) my dd is 11 and I still call my mum for advice on occasion. I'm not sure any mum ever feels like they're getting it right all the time. I know this might sound like an odd thing but have you tried singing to him. The way you breathe changes when you sing so you relax to which helps the little one to do the same or when you hum your chest vibrates a little some babies find this soothing I also used to swaddle my dd in a muslin cloth she felt secure but didn't overheat.

youlemming · 24/10/2018 06:39

They were both bf but friends from the same NCT group who were ff had the same so I don't think it's the feeding method.

It's been a good few years now so I can't remember exactly, just that is probably seemed longer than it was, a couple of weeks maybe

rainingcatsanddog · 25/10/2018 13:32

Sounds like Colic to me. The good news is that they grow out of it but that you need to hang tight. My sons outgrew it at 4 months old (16 weeks ish)

BentleyBelly · 25/10/2018 14:17

My chilled out by day breastfed ds was exactly the same...nothing helped. He grew out of it around 7 or 8 weeks I think. It was horrible, you have complete sympathy. I remember having to put him down and walk away for a few minutes every so often as it made me so anxious. I think in the end i managed to get a boob in his mouth and he just cluster fed for that time instead of screamed...its a bit of a hazy memory!! He is now 12 months and goes to bed like a dream at 7pm, it is magical! Hang in there, it will get better x

BentleyBelly · 25/10/2018 14:19

I've just remembered...carrying him tummy down along my arm helped!

MaryShelley1818 · 26/10/2018 17:07

Colief!!
It quite literally changed our baby from the very first time he had it! He used to scream from 5ish-midnight every night and then he was a completely different baby.

MaryShelley1818 · 26/10/2018 17:08

Also he was mix fed and just as bad on both!

Original poster

AllesAusLiebe · 26/10/2018 23:09

Thanks folks. I’ll keep going with the tips!

The screaming has (probably temporarily) ceased for tonight but this has been the worst night ever.

I stupidly let DH give him formula tonight (on his mother’s advice. . . ) and he’s just gone crazy for 5 hours straight.

I’m going to pick up some Colief first thing tomorrow. If that doesn’t work, I’m booking a plane ticket for myself to a desert island.

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Lara53 · 28/10/2018 10:13

Completely normal. Do you have a sling? I found I coped much better and was able to have ds close to me which comforted him, upright which soothed his tummy and I had hands free so could do stuff x

Shelley54 · 28/10/2018 18:53

Feeding from a bottle introduces more wind than from a breast so I’m not surprised he was more unhappy after it. Honestly, most babies go through this and things will get better. By 12 weeks they’re usually big enough for their systems to cope with wind better.

Original poster

AllesAusLiebe · 28/10/2018 20:05

@Lara53 I’ve been using my sling a lot more over the last days and I think it’s making a difference. We only had a few minutes of screaming last night, so maybe I wasn’t making DS feel secure enough or being near to me chills him out. I hope that’s the secret!

@shelley54 Yeah, that makes sense. I knew it would make things worse, but I was really low on confidence that night and thought that everything i did was wrong, so decided to let DH try his approach. Lesson learned!

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allanaw929 · 30/10/2018 19:07

I went through this not long ago, it was colic and infacol did not seem to have any effect, what did really help was Boots own version of Gripe Water, just called Gripe Mixture I think. It's great and is also flavored so my ds actually likes it lol

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 03/11/2018 22:19

It's not the done thing now, but when my Ds was a baby and having the same evening tears as yours, he settled really well lying on his tummy on the floor. I think they really enjoy having something solid against their tummies at that age.

Kokapetl · 04/11/2018 21:50

I found that really working on the daytime naps helped. I made sure she wasn't awake for longer than an hour at a time at that age. Before I realised that this was the cause, she was screaming for hours in the evening. My parents thought it was colic! When I made sure she napped properly the evening crying stopped. Sounds like this is what you are doing with the sling- it was the easiest way to get my baby to sleep during the day.

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