10 year old doesn't try

[shutthedamndoor]

Sorry, terrible title. DD2 is 10, and because we live in Germany she needs to get certain grades to get into her next school.
She's bright, but lazy. Ever since she was tiny she has taken the easy route ... she would refuse to play a board game if she thought she couldn't win. She's brilliant at games like exploding kittens where there's strategy involved.
So - how to motivate her? How to get her to focus? She said today that she wants to go to an "easy" school - not because she doesn't understand what she's being taught, but because she likes easy things.
We're doing things like reading with her, getting her to talk through her homework with us etc. It's how to get her intrinsic motivation going that I'm struggling with...
All ideas appreciated.

Sorry I have no idea OP. Hopefully someone will be along soon.

Ah, thanks for the reply!

The point about intrinsic motivation is that it's intrinsic, so you can't really "get it going" All you can do is take obstacles out of the way. And if you are realistic, this motivation is not intrinsic at all. Even if she shared it, it's still extrinsic for all of you - to get her into a better school. The real motivation is all about external results (extrinsic) not process (intrinsic).

Being very focussed on results may be to do with anxiety. And anxiety can be an obstacle. The more she needs to get into another school, the more the results matter, the less the work matters for its own sake, the more anxious she will feel about trying and failing, and the harder she will find it to start working or to keep going if it is difficult.

Two things to try:

One is to dial down the external pressure so she is less anxious. Reassure her that "easy school" is fine, she will cope, and that you will be pleased with her wherever she goes. (Even if this is a lie.) Is she someone who works better without external targets? Then maybe she will actually achieve more at an "easy" school. (I don't know the German system though, it's no good if "easy" schools are really sink schools.)

The other thing you can try is a really good positive extrinsic motivation scheme. Reward her for tiny initial steps, for starting the work. For example, rewards for getting her books out and reading the question to you and talking through the first step to a solution. With any luck, if you can just get her to start on the work then the intrinsic interest of the work will take over and she'll be able to carry on. If she tends to get discouraged or lose interest quickly then you need repeated rewards and encouragement for going back to it and persisting. You need to reward her for effort and not results. And you may need to keep encouraging her to take tiny steps, you can't leave her to it and hope she will achieve some large goal (such as a complete homework) by herself.

I would try pointing out to her that she likes the finer things in life, you won't always be providing those. She will be doing that for herself in a few years' time. So, best she bucks up her idea and ups the work ethic. Lack of education has a direct impact on earnings hence she should be cracking on with it. Did this to one of my DS, it worked - once he realised that I won't be bankrolling the lates jeans, trainers, excotic holidays and the like he was remarkably more focused. Sounds tough, but that's life. If that doesn't work she will make her bed and have to lie on it, but don't stress about it.

Thanks for the replies... food for thought... I'm going to work on the encouragement for getting books out etc, as I think she'll respond well to that.. thanks again