Approaching the end of a very frazzled tether

[mistypeaks]

My dd1 is 2 at the end of the month. What I want to know is what happened to my lovely bright little girl? I hate to say it but I'm not very fond of her at the moment. I love her dearly always will, but she has hit terrible twos running (and screaming, kicking, biting etc.). I get mahoosive tantrums for no reason that I can see. She will not 'play' at all now. She only wants to be 'doing' things. Things that make her happy are sticking and drawing (i'm a patient and reasonable person, but i can't do this all day and she has to be sat in the booster seat in the kitchen or else the sofa, carpet, baby etc are all sparkly and sticky) she likes fetching the post, putting washing in the machine (no the toy washing machine is not a substitute, believe me i've tried). She refuses a daytime nap (starting this week). What can I do, i'm so close to tears most of the time and considering going back to full time work just so i don't have to deal with it. Anyone got any ideas of things to do with her to keep her occupied, she may just be bored. Bearing in mind i have to entertain and care for a 10 month old at the same time. Oh and maybe keep house. . . .

The best thing to do is to go out all the time. Do you go to Mother and Toddler Groups, or soft play. The park to burn off some steam. Then just after lunch stick a dvd on or cbeebies and she might fall asleep on the sofa.
I don't want to freak you out but my ds got a lot worse at age 3

I hate to admit it but no i've never been to mother and baby's group. I know i'm a terrible selfish mother and perhaps now i'm getting my just desserts. . . I've just this week picked up a leaflet for a soft play place. i just hope i can manage taking both of them at the same time? I prob should go out more, but i'm so exhausted. . . . maybe it will perk me up. thanks for the 3 yrs comment . . . i'll get some vodka in ready i think!!

a lot of soft play places have areas fro under 4s or soemthing so you could let her get on with it while you sit with the baby.

agree with lucyjones - at this age, I was out more or less every day - epsecially playing at friends' houses and stuff - share the load a bit.

Make sure you have her name down for a playgroup she can start when she is 2.6 - it will be something to look forward to And yes 3 is much worse than 2 imo!

In the meantime if you can't face a M&T group, can you have friends around regularly/go to theirs - if you have other people around it won't seem so bad (plus if their children are worse than yours you can feel superior!)

I often am at screaming point by mid afternoon. I love dd to bits but despite heroic efforts involving trips to park/soft play, painting, glueing, play doh etc by 4pm she is to be found hanging on to my leg whining "mummymummymummyMUMMYMUMMY". I'm usually knackered by then as I've an 8 week old and night feeds.

Things tht help - putting on a Girl's Aloud or similarly crap but perky CD and dancing together, taking her to a different part of the house to play (I have a stash of toys in her room), baking often holds her attention.

playgroup - i'll get on that.
erm on the friends front. Embarrasingly i er don't have any. well 2, but they both work full time - we try to all meet up at w/ends with dh's (we're all mutual friends itswim) all my 'old' friends are 150 miles away as i moved to live with my dh and have never bothered to make any friends.

If it's any consolation, you're certainly not alone. DD (2.6) is having some fairly unloveable phases at the moment. Very similar behaviour to your DD started when she was about 18 months old. However, it does seem to ebb and flow a bit. Some months will be horrific, others just mildly awful

And yes, the key it to get out to toddler groups etc. It just gets too claustrophobic dealing with DD at home all the time. I also go for a walk every afternoon with DD in buggy and DS (10 months) in a sling. DD will still fall asleep in buggy (but not in her bed...grrr!).

Other entertainments recently have included: a bowl of water and a paintbrush for painting the patio, getting a haircut, playing in sandpit, driving to see far away friends....and ahem...a fair dosage of cbeebies .

Oh and what's all this about 3 being worse!!! FFS!!! Noooooo!!!!!

mp - at the M&T groups we go to the parents with more than one kid often get a hand when they need it from staff or us singleton parents. and they ask if they need help that's not offered. It's quite a kind world out there. You can do it.

My 23 month old ds is the same re: doing stuff now. So I am now resigned to super slow chores while I supervise him doing loads of it! Can you park the baby in the front row to watch while you have her very slowly put wash in the machine?

DS is also allowed to slide back dishwasher drawers into place and lift the door up to close. And he thinks 'counting along' with me as I do things he can't do is OK. He gets a piece of rag or paper towel for clean alongside me, and has his own duster to be sent off with to get on with.

And when I can't be cheery and constructive one second longer we leave the house and do anything that comes to mind!

Agree with previous re toddlers etc - DD1 (2.8) is so knackered she will either nap or play quietly after. Also recommend long walks, trips to park and trips to library as all free!!
Apart from that, I find that I have to have a talk to myself when it all gets too much 'cause you realise that you are winding them up even more by losing it (if you do that!) - I know I definately do.
Take a deep breath and just look at DD, how beautiful she is and remember that she is just growing and learning. If she is wanting to do the washing etc it is because she loves you so much and just wants to be like you.

Ime M&T groups can be a bit hit and miss - some are very cliquey and no-one talks to you, others are very friendly. I would try to find one as close as possible to you and then there is a good chance most of the mums will be local too and you may get to know some people in your neighbourhood with children of a similar age...

jujubel - xcellent post. but now i'm in floods of tears.

DS was 2 in April and sounds very similar to your DD. He's not really interested in toys, just wants to be doing "real" things. Agree with what others have said - get out of house as much as poss. Do you have a sling for baby? Even a walk to local shop to get a pint of milk (which he can then hand over the money for!) calms us both down when things get too much. Also, DO go to a toddler group - it is the only time DS picks up a toy and plays with it for longer then about 30 secs

Oops - sorry Mistypeaks - I'm a bit of a saddo.
Forgot to say, if the nap thing has just started this week - don't despair. My DD will not nap for a few days and then have a big crash. She'll then have a regular nap for a few more days in a row and start skipping again. It makes it a bit more difficult to plan as you aren't guaranteed that 1.5hrs in the afternoon to get stuff done but you will appreciate it soooo much more when she does sleep.

jujubel - you're not sad it was sweet. i just felt so guilty for thinking bad of her. i'll be more than grateful if she does sleep (i'll be asleep too!! - i work nights you see - so v v v tired).
thanks ladies - i will try all suggestions - keep em coming tho. ..

there are some playgroups that will take children from the age of 2.i was so relieved when my ds2 went to one.he will be 4 next month and still never keeps still.

do bear in mind though that when the baby gets a bit older your dd will have a ready made playmate.i dont really do any activities with my children as they all keep each other entertained.

oh and as for 3 being worse,my 8.5 year old is still getting worse,only now the tantrums are getting hormonal

THUNK! Thta's the sound of my jaw dropping to the ground. You work nights too? My god you ARE superwoman. I really hope you some of our messages help you.

If i was superwoman i would have a better handle on this. I am sadly just a mere mortal!!! One who is grateful for any advice and support. thanks guys.

I will return later. Just going shopping (must ring tesco to warn them!!!! Rice cakes in bag for inevitable tantrum from baby who does not like being forcebully sat in trolley next to big sister!!!)

Just remembered - www.kneebouncers.com is a great website with simple games for young toddlers, dd loves it.

If any of you are still around . . . thanks.
Made a real effort and spoke to a nice looking mom in tescos to find out which moms and toddlers group she'd recommend so I'll be on that next week (she may not be - she prob thinks i'm a weirdo stalker!! It just helps to know that someone who looks normal will prob go to a nice group iyswim?!) Also kneebouncers is great . . . Have done lots of washing up, dusting, planting etc with dd1 - dd2 is trying to join in too and looks fascinated. Only get the activity has ended tantrum now to deal with. Oh well 1 tantrum is slightly better than 10!!!!
thanks again guys.