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Almost 4 year old bedtime meltdowns

2 replies

Moomoo3 · 14/10/2018 20:18

Any ideas to fix awful bedtimes? I don't know what else I can try..

Dd is 4 in dec and generally a happy polite and kind little soul. But bedtimes are a completely different story. I do realise I've done it to myself and am just looking for ways out of it really as I hate ending the day so badly.

We start the bedtime routine at 7, wash teeth pjs and stories in bed. Always 3 stories. And it starts off so lovely, our special time together. When it comes time to leave..who am I kidding I cant leave. I turn the light off and kiss goodnight and tuck her in and the screaming starts instantly. Not even whinging just full on screaming at me to stay in the room. If I do stay and lie in the bed with her she just messes around kicking around and jumping up and down on her knees laughing and playing. If I leave the room shes instantly following me out screaming her little head off crying that she wants a cuddle or a drink or a wee. But she takes a cup of water to bed and always goes to the toilet before bed so they are the normal excuses. I take her back in tuck her in and she can be screaming for 2 hours with me in and out. I end up getting annoyed and she can obviously sense that.

I've tried a earlier bedtime incase of being over tired and a later bedtime incase of not being tired enough. She has a night light as she doesn't like the dark. I've tried a sticker chart (this worked fab for the comfort drinking at night when she had bottles and she was soon off them) We've had a little chat about it and she says she just wants a cuddle - but if I stay then she doesn't want a cuddle she wants to play. I've tried a special teddy that I've cuddled first and said if she wants to cuddle mummy she can cuddle the special teddy and thats me giving her a cuddle when she goes to sleep. I've told her I'm going to the loo and IL be back soon and tried to stay away longer each time but she just screams and cries. I've tried sitting by the door but again she just plays and chats and bounces on her bed if she can see me.

We are pregnant and she'll eventually be sharing with her little sister, so once we've redecorated they'll have bunks, so we've showed her her next big girl bed and shes all exited about her 'ladder bed' I've explained that mummy/daddy can't lie in bed with her then as we're too big to go to the top, and she says it's fine but we're a long way from that yet.

I just wish we can have our stories and a cuddle tuck her in and leave the room and end the day with us both happy. If she gets herself in a state she will wake up the next morning crying. This has been going on for months now.

It probably goes back to when we used to co sleep. But that stopped when she was 1 so it's been a while. Then I used to lie with her till she fell asleep. I always thought 'if all she wants is a cuddle then she can have one - she won't be little for long!' but then she got that bit older and the messing around and playing and bouncing on the bed started. If I lie with her now I'm lucky if I'm only lying there an hour. Most of the time it's more. Her daddy took over tonight as I've not been well and don't have the patience for it tonight.

Sorry for the essay just trying to give as much info as possible. What else can I try?

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AjasLipstick · 15/10/2018 05:50

I've been through this (two DD's now aged 14 and 10)

The only thing that works is being a bit cold and hard.

Explain to her during the daytime that you will be telling her stories as usual and then you will be saying goodnight and going...because bedtime is important. So there won't be any more crying and getting out of bed.

Then when you come to leave, as she screams or runs after you. Put her straight back and say "Bedtime now, goodnight" or whatever and leave.

She'll follow....this time, put her back with less friendly voice. "Bedtime"

Leave.

She'll follow. Put her back silently...no words. Just put her back.

It took me two hours of not speaking or interacting with one of mine before she went to sleep. but she did...and that was that.

Moomoo3 · 15/10/2018 08:14

Thank you XX I do agree it's the only thing that'll work tho so IL try again for longer. I also think i know where our problem lies. I work Fri sat sun night shifts, had the weekend off this week tho. So I try something Mon-Thurs night with never any progress. On my working nights she stays home with daddy and on Saturdays she stays with nanny and grampy. They ALL let her sleep with them. No crying no bedtime. Fall asleep when she wants and straight in with them. Any progress we may have made is always out the window by a Monday night. They say 'its weekend she doesn't have nursery', this is true but the nights she does have nursery are awful.

I will try again with putting her back, and IL also have another word with daddy to work with me to fix this on weekdays. I still think she's little so can have a cuddle and I feel awful guilty getting her in a state but she needs to learn to go to bed at bedtime.

XX

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