Behaviour in class (nearly 5 year old)

[AnotherKitKat]

My 4 year old son started Reception (private school) in September and we have already been called in once for a chat about his bad behaviour in class. He is nearly 5. Now we have received a letter from his teacher saying so many negative things which happened in 1 day:

• bad behaviour
• talking through lessons
• being rude
• being silly
• annoying other children
• not listening
• answering back

We have been asked to have a talk with him, which we have - a good long talk. He has said he will improve.

I made an A4 paper with good behaviour rules on it and got him to sign it.

Getting really worried about him.

Any advice?

1. Ask the school for another list of positive things about him.
2. Ask them how they are differentiating for those pupils who are not ready to sit and listen in a formal situation for longer periods of time
3. Ask the school for suggestions of how they are going to help him settle in to being in a classroom all day. He is 4 for goodness sake

Personally, I would not be worried about him. I would be worried about the school, or the teacher.

I second PP. He's four all of that behaviour sounds well within the normal range and the kind of behaviour the school should be well used to managing in a reception class. I think you need to find out what positive behaviour management techniques they employ.

You might have more success with a reward chart than getting him to sign a list of rules. Is there any little treat he would be motivated to earn by improving his behaviour a bit?

My son is 10 and is currently subject of an interim care order. He's been staying with my parents since August and is hopefully coming home in a few weeks.
He's always been a strong willed child as I was but recently his behaviour has got really bad especially at school. Where as other kids can reign their behaviour in my son can't. He has extreme tantrums that he just can't seem to switch off from and it's not only disrupting the rest of the class it's stopping him from learning too. I know he wants to come home and maybe he feels like he's in limbo at the mo but me and my mum are so worried and just want him to go back to being the happy polite little boy he was.

Hi OP, I just want to say hang in there and don’t give up hope! My DS started reception last month (also in a private school) and for the first two weeks was settling in horribly and BITING other children (so far far worse than the behaviour you describe). It was absolutely mortifying, made worse when I raised it on mumsnet and a few vile people made out like he was some sort of devil child and that it was our parenting that was the problem.

It turns out, a month later, that it was just a phase. Thankfully, he’s doing absolutely fine at school now and just had problems settling in (which is exactly what we said to the teachers as he displayed the same pattern of behaviour settling into a new pre-school after we moved house when he was almost four.)

Parenting and discipline were not the issue. We didn’t do anything particularly innovative or different with him, just the usual discipline techniques you probably already know about. After a bad day (ie. if he had bitten someone) we would have a serious talk with him, explain why it was unacceptable, remove his favourite toys and let him know he could only get them back after a whole week of good behaviour. And although he kept biting for a couple of weeks, he did eventually stop - but I’m certain that was when he just felt more comfortable at the school and with his new teacher and new friends. And now the worst thing he’s done at school in recent weeks is go down the slide on his front! What a monster!

I also agree that I would ask the teachers how THEY are managing the behaviour in class - after all that is their job too, it’s not all up to the parent. If your DS is anything like mine, he was just acting up around new and unfamiliar adults, and does not behave that way at home. So it’s not always the right thing for you to discipline him for things he’s done at school. Just carry on showing lots of love and giving plenty of attention. But it would be useful to know what the school is doing. Are they making him miss playtimes or removing other privileges if he is rude for example? Does he get sent to the head teacher?

Is he bored there or perhaps hasn’t made enough friends yet to feel comfortable? Arrange play dates galore if you think that might be it.

Hugs and hope the situation improves. If my DS has stopped biting kids, I’m sure yours will be fine!

Hi so sorry you and your son are going through this. i agree it sounds like the school need some support as well you ! im a freelance specialist behaviour consultant and i work in schools and with parents.I have worked in the area of SEN and behaviour for nearly 25 years. i am a qualified teacher and have also worked in an advisory role for teachers for 17 years. where are you based? find me on twitter @grow_flourish or linked in -Jo Weeks