Putting 18 month old in cot when tantruming

[blueberry71]

My 18 month old dd has just started having the most horrendous tantrums. Sometimes it's because she's tired or hungry so I obviously address that. However a lot of time it's because she doesn't get her own way. It starts off bad and turns into a complete meltdown for hours. I've tried everything from calming her down to giving her something to distract however that doesn't work. Anyway my mum told me to put her in her cot to let her calm down and realise who's boss. Do you think that's the way to go? For instance she's currently having a meltdown because I wouldn't let her climb down the stairs. I'm pulling my hair out now as to what to do.

i'm sure plenty of people will tell you otherwise, but I have had to do this with my 21 month old. I do this calmly because more often than not any reaction/attention at all from me prolonges it, I have to simply remove him from the environment and myself. It does work - at 18 months I had to put him in the cot, whereas now 3 months on, I can say "do you need to go in the cot?" and he will say no, and start making efforts to control himself and calm down and then will give me a hug to say sorry. Give it as little attention as possible and show the child they get nothing from such behaviour. But also acknowledge good behaviour and praise it.

I'm hoping some more people will come along and give more behavioural advice (hijack alert) - I am getting a bit sick of looking online for tips on dealing with very defiant behaviour and finding only American or attachment parenty websites about "gentle discipline". I've tried these for months and with a child who simply does not want to do something and thus will not, they don't work.

So if anyone has any tips on getting children to do what you want, e.g in the situations where there is simply no choice and they must comply even where they do not want to (teeth brushing, holding hands or wearing reins in car parks or near busy roads).

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland thanks for the reply. Yes it can be a very hard time. Some days she'll only be tantruming for a short time and other days it'll go on for hours and I can't do anything to stop it. I'm just hoping that she'll grow out of it soon. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you too.

That's a bit cruel. Sorry. Their emotions are too much to handle it's an overwhelming amount of emotions you are teaching him how to respond, so basically when he tantrums wanting to do something like climb down stairs you talk calmly and explain he won't get it but he'll get that Your responding calmly and will pick it up. As infants their being brainwashed by you, they can only learn if their taught so if you respond to something bad by ignoring it that's what he's being taught as well as his feeling smdont matter because to him those feelings are very very real and it's a massive big deal to him and it's frustrating to him that he can't go down the stairs like his mummy does. It is a phase it's a shitty phase but a very important learning phase. Hang in there won't last forever. But if he's taught to deal with problems negatively then those problems might be forever for him.

As I'm sure you know, at this stage they are developing a sense of wanting to do what you do and develop independence.

Take climbing downstairs as an example, with supervision from you, let DD do it. Encourage her to come down backwards. This is a developmental step she'll need to master so I'd go with it .

Try to baby proof the house so you don't have to say no too much.. e.g. have low down cupboards with thinks she can safely explore, child locks on cleaning products. Then you're not having to say no too much. My DS loves putting our shoes on, we have to make sure the ones out are clean or that leads to tantrum if we take them away.

Like pp said, then explain when she can't do something and cuddle.

I wouldn't personally leave DS in cot when tantruming.