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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3 year old daughter not interacting or playing with others at nursery

14 replies

Annie786 · 01/10/2018 20:53

Hi,

I am bit concerned about my 3 year old who turns 4 in December this year.

She has recently turned very stubborn and throws a lot of tantrums and keeps crying about little unnecessary things.

It's been around 3 weeks my daughter has started nursery again after summer holidays, however this time round she is not playing or interacting with other children and she also doesn't take part in any activities.

Staff at nursery say she is very stubborn and doesn't listen to them, she just seems to stand around all day just waiting to go home, however she is very chatty with nursery staff.

She didn't used to be like this, before summer holidays she used to be fine, use to take part in activities and even had few friends however those friends have gone to school now.

I'm really concerned about her.

I would be grateful if you can give me some advice.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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breathandrelax · 01/10/2018 21:59

Is it a new nursery? Could it be that she just wants to settle in a bit? Make new friends ?

Original poster

Annie786 · 01/10/2018 22:44

Hi,

No it’s the same nursery.

Do you think she needs more time?

OP posts:

breathandrelax · 01/10/2018 23:00

We forget how young they are. She’s only 3, it’s all a big change. My dd who just turned 4 started complaining that she doesn’t want to go to preschool even though she absolutely loves it once she’s there. I think the long summer holidays is a big deal for them and they get used to being at home.

She probably just needs more time. If she’s still like that in a couple of months then you can speak to school and see what’s going on but I wouldn’t worry yet.

PaulMorel · 02/10/2018 05:13

Maybe she is just still observing the place and her classmates. She might be a little bit shy. Sooner or later she will make friends and start to interact with other kids.

Original poster

Annie786 · 02/10/2018 13:10

Today i dropped her off at the nursery and staff wanted to speak to me regarding her.

They said they are concerned about her and would like us to speak to health visitor as it's not good for her that she just stands around all day waiting to go home.

Staff is concerned it will effect her development with if she continues to be like this and doesn't take part in activities or interacts with others?

We are even more worried now as she never used to be like this, she was fine before summer holidays.

OP posts:

breathandrelax · 02/10/2018 14:27

This makes me very cross. Why are they not offering support from their side instead of pushing her onto the health visitor. Can you ask them to ask their SENCO to evaluate her during school time? Can they device a plan of action for her?

smorgasborgen · 03/10/2018 16:18

Hi, just wanted to say I'm going through exactly the same situation with my three and a half year old son. Nursery have also suggested a health visitor.....
His speech is a bit behind and he doesn't seem t know how t play with the other children and prefers playing on his own. Started saying he doesn't want t go in!
It makes you so emotional doesn't it? X

albanyd · 03/10/2018 21:43

They should be telling you what THEY are doing to support her- are they? If not, I'd ask for a sit down with her key person and discuss a strategy that you think will help.

My son is also reluctant to go in, interact and prefers the staff (altho it's a new nursery for him). I ask him to do small things each day I.e. learn one new persons name/ play with two new toys etc. Seems to help him...

MSMB · 05/10/2018 12:07

I’m relived I have found this thread as we are having the same issue. My daughter is 3 and has gone back over summer and is very happy at preschool and enjoys playing by herself but will
not really play or interact with other children.
She is in 2 Pre schools, the 1st one her teacher is a child psychologist and says it’s no cause for concern and to give her more time. The 2nd Pre school her teacher said they are concerned as they see it as her ‘going into herself’ it make me feel so upset for her.
She is quite ‘advanced’ in terms of speech and development but maybe not so emotionally advanced? I’m just hoping in time she will gradually become more sociable and want to make friends rather than just play around the others. Before summer holidays she seemed to be starting to make friends but that’s just done a u-turn!

gower4 · 05/10/2018 22:20

One of mine was exactly like this at late end of 3. Was just given time and patience at nursery and had really blossomed by the end of the summer term. I think we expect too much from them, they're so so little.

smorgasborgen · 07/10/2018 22:32

It's such a worry when you jyst want them to be happy
They said that his communication was behind. He does talk a lot of home though..

PaulMorel · 09/10/2018 06:40

Maybe she is bullied at school and that's the reason why she is not showing her skills anymore and shuts everyone around her.

Hensheee · 06/10/2023 11:00

Hi I know this is an old post but wondered how your DD is now?

Astraj · 18/10/2023 22:02

Hi, I would also be interested to hear how your children are getting on now.
My almost 4 year old daughter (only child) . started nursery in September and is not interested in making friends either.
She knows all the other kids names and will tell me if she likes them or not but says she doesn't want to make friends. She spends her days following her favourite teachers around.
She never wants to go to nursery, she says she is scared, when I ask what she is scared of she says because mummy isn't there and she only wants to be with mummy, I have asked her if the teacher are nice and she says they are but mummy is best 😢 she rarely cries about going in but she isn't excited either.
At nursery apparently she is very quiet and doesn't get involved unless a teacher persuades her to.
They had an afternoon where parents were invited to go along and play, I went and she was her normal loud, chatty playful self, I even got some of the other kids to play with us, and it was lovely, this is when the teachers told me that they couldn't believe it, as she is not like this at all normally when at nursery.
This has obviously freaked me out ABIT and am worried for her.

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