How can i stop her behaving like this?

[sportyspice]

DD1 who is 3 years is rapidly becoming a complete nightmare. She's a dreadful sleeper, wakes at the slightest thing, won't settle herself back to sleep and screams and argues if you tell her to go back to sleep and keeps diving off her bed to run out the room and then wakes dd2 who is just a complete poppit! Last night, for example, she woke at 9pm, 12am, 1am and then was out of bed at 5am saying it was morning! Both dh and myself told her to go back to bed and she just went mental, kicking, screaming and shouting "NO"...what do you do? She is becoming increasingly rude during the day and always saying "No" to me e.g lets get you dressed....NO, lets have a bath....NO!! Everything is such an effort with her and i don't understand why, i'm a very patient placid person and my whole day revolves around fun things for the children so it can't be a feeling of lack of attention and i very rarely lose my temper or talk to her in a horrid way so why does she me? I tell her if i don't like her behaviour and i'm stern when i need to be but i'm not a shouter as i don't want her to behave simply because i've frightened her into it. I cannot continue on such little sleep and need some desperate advice on how to tackle this situation.

sportyspice, sorry I can't offer any words of advice, but wanted to let you you know that my dd1, who is 3.5, is very like your dd1 apart from the sleeping bit. She's rude quite a lot of the time and always saying/shouting "No" too and has also started lashing out at me physically, and sometimes at dd2 (19 mths) when she doesn't get her own way. I really hate to say it, but I think (hope!) it's just an age thing. I'm at my wits end with her most days, but I have to admit I am a bit of a "shouter" (not to any effect though!) so that probably doesn't help the situation.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone, and hopefully someone will come up with some good advice for you.

Make her stop now - I know it will be hard but take her back in her room and do your darndest to make her stay there - even if you have to sit on the edge of the bed - stick a stair gate up at the door to to hinder her escape!! - She needs to be taught that it is not a case of being frightened so she does as she is told but that she has no choice - change lets get dressed to We are now getting dressed - said in a sternm voice if she starts to kick up and then just get yourself dressed and then get her dressed - I would completely ignore any sort of protestations and tantrums.

Can you do a naughty corner thing or a star chart??

Thanks for those bits.

Twinkie - I did try a star chart and after getting so many she would get a small treat (e.g new roll of stickers nothing major) but it was rather depressing to see just how little she actually slept through the night!! She only achieved one treat out of a month. I

If i do put a stair gate up and really stamp down on this behaviour what do i do about dd2? If she wakes up with dd1 screaming at eg 5:00am is it fair to do the controlled crying thing with her too when she's probably going to be wide awake having had 10 hours sleep already? I don't want to feel like i'm punishing her as well. Also, Is it best to ignore the bad behaviour during the day? as i'm sure she loves the attention of it all and even tells me what naughty things she's been up to. Dh said thismorning that if she was a better sleeper then we'd probably be going for a 3rd baby.....i'd love a 3rd so even more desperate to turn her into a fab sleeper!!

I really sympathise - am on my 8th night of broken sleep (at least 2hrs every night), however my 2 DDs at the moment seem to take turns waking for various reasons.
I tried the stairgate thing a while back and DD1 (3 and a half) just clambers over it - and makes so much noise that in the process will wake DD2. She gets hysterical if we put her back in her own bed, so eventually DP gives up the ghost and heads for the spare room. In anycase, we get so tired, sometimes we give in just so we can get our heads on the pillow quicker by doing so!

Bribery worked when we went through this a while ago with DD1 and I can see us going that way again. No sweets/cbeebies tape on in the car/TV whatsoever unless she's slept in her own bed the night before.

She did tear the gate down once when we tried this before but we did make quite a bit of progress but after 3 nights she got a bug and then i didn't want to do controlled crying as she needed comforting. This has been going on for yonks, i think she's probably only slept through for a total of a month in her whole 3 years! She went to bed at 7 and has already woken twice, left her 3 mins before going to her and stroked her head said "shhhhh" and then left, she didn't chase me to the door as she's so tired but the early hours of the morning will be the interesting time. I've been taking the easy option for so long of just climbing into bed with her for the sake of a bit more sleep but in turn being woken and then being squashed in her bed listening to her snoring is also making me tired....swings and roundabouts but i'm determined to crack it as it's also affecting her behaviour now and she too is exhausted

BE A HARD HORRIBLE COWBAG!! The devious little monsters can wear you down if you're not careful. My dd used to wrap me round her little finger (shes 2) and it was only when i was heavily pregnant and could take no more i had to get tough. Her behaviour was very similar, i believe the NO phase is quite common! If she says no to me or gives me a lot of cheek she gets a warning then if she does it again she goes on the naughty stair until she calms down and agrees to do whatever it was i wanted her to do. If that doesnt work, and its rare it doesnt, she gets shut in her room, maybe only for a few minutes because that is enough for her to get upset and want to come out, but only on the condition that she does as she is told. From me starting this, she plays up very rarely because she knows what will happen. If you do try this, if you havent already, just calmly lead her to the stair, explain to her why she is going to sit there and what you want her to do, and that she will sit there until she agrees to do it. If she refuses, leave her there, if she follows you, calmly tell her NO and put her back, she'll soon get the message. As for night time, can you arrange to have dd2 stay somewhere for a couple of nights? If so, will be much easier. Again, be firm, just keep putting her back in bed. If she cries and you know there is nothing wrong, ignore her (use ear plugs or music), if necessary, if stairgate doesnt work, tie rope around door handle to keep it shut or put a lock on it to keep her in. I know it sounds hard, but i promise you my dd was a pain in the bum, but within a couple of days she was transformed because i rememberd im the boss! A good book to help is toddler taming by christopher green. Good luck!! Should just add, i also dont shout, dont feel theres a need, and im sure its not that you dont give enough attention, you are probably too nice, bless you!

i agree with harrassedmum. sounds like you're being too nice. You don't need to shout, you don't need to scare her, but you do need to let her know who's boss. My sister has no end of trouble with her ds, he is so rude and vile to her, constantly pushing it. And she's soooooo patient. too bloody patient.not everything needs to be discussed. explained, cajoled etc. time to put your foot down.

Is your DD in her own room? Have you thought of letting her choose a bedside lamp and then putting it on a timer? when the lamp is on 9e.g. during bedtime story, when you're prepared to get up in the morning) she can come to you, when it's off she stays where she is. praise for managing to "obey" the lamp and straight back to her room and the door shut if she ignores it repeatedly? We did this with DD when she was much younger and her early morning wakings got silly (DH and i don't function at all before 6.30 at the very earliest).

At 3 y.o. she's old enough to be sleeping properly (unless ill or something) and to understand basic rules.