Teaching our children how to respect themselves and others

[user1493053387]

So I’m a single parent and (very much lesson learnt) had a baby girl with a ‘man’ that doesn’t treat me well nor others. Latest was telling me to F off whilst holding our DD on handover today.

So I like to think I have a home that will teach DD the right things. She has two grandads on my side that treat their wife’s with respect, aren’t racist, sexist or generally anything else you wouldn’t want your kid to be. However I’m worried that DD will pick up on the way her dad treats me and think that’s ok and one day will allow a man to treat her like that. Her dad is also particularly racist and very much treats women like sex objects. Again lesson learnt as to who you choose to have unprotected sex with but that damage has been done and I of course want to bring up our DD to have respect for herself and others.

Just as a note, I know her dad wouldn’t cause harm to her and she is looked after well. But of course I’m worried about emotional stuff considering my story above. I don’t want to somehow sabotage their relationship because I think DD has every right to have a healthy relationship with her dad but I don’t want her thinking it’s ok to treat others badly.

What are people’s tips on teaching their kids right from wrong in this respect?

Obviously one would be to act myself how I would expect her to act.

Please no horrible comments. I just want some good solid advice!

Thank you if you’ve taken the time to read and not run :)!

I thInk your need to write directly to you ex partner Dad of your little one and share your thoughts about his attitude towards you and the impact this will have on your daughter. Use some if the wording in your post above. Just say what happened, happened and it is over now. You expect him for your sake and your child!s to model respectful behaviour.A fresh start.

I strongly agree that you should tell your partner about this matter. It's very important that we should instill good values to our kids and as what you have stated, your partner is not a good example. She will definitely get the attitude of her dad.

Thank you both for your replies. I do feel like I’ve tried to explain these things to him before though. I’ve said that swearing to me in front of her etc isn’t acceptable and I just get told that it’s only a word, she doesn’t understand and it’s not like he’s physically done anything to me. So I just don’t feel like writing down the issues to him is going to make a difference

Do write it. If nothing else it will be therapeutic for you and will prove you have officially tackled him about his poor behaviour.

I would email so there is a record of it.
Do you have a lawyer?

I do hope he is supporting you financially....

Yeh it probably would help me to get it out on paper atleast! I do but fortunately I haven’t needed to use him for a while as ex calmed down a bit. He is, the bare minimum tho and took a long battle to get him to actually buy the things DD needs for when she stays at his and me not have to send her with stuff. However recently he’s decided that she comes home in the clothes I sent her in even tho he has his own lol pathetic really

Did you tell your parents about this? Maybe they can also help to explain things to your ex.