Toddler traumatised by surgery

[Oysterbabe]

Just under 2 weeks ago my 2.8 year old had open heart surgery. Several aspects of it were incredibly frightening and painful for her. Physically she is making an excellent recovery but mentally she is struggling. She is terrified of taking her top off. When I finally persuade her it has to happen she just stands like a statue looking at the ceiling until it's changed. She's only had 2 baths since and both times she just looked up and cried the whole time. She still has loads of glue residue on her torso from the billion echo and ECGs that she's had but I can't get it off because she just gets so upset if I try and touch her torso.
I don't know if it's not wanting to see her wounds or if she's just scared someone might hurt her again. She has a long wound down the center and two little ones from the chest drains. She has to go back to the hospital on Tuesday for another echo and ECG and I just don't know how they're going to do it. She needs to be calm for them to get the data they need. When she realises we're going to the hospital I expect her to freak out.

Does anyone have any ideas about the best way to tackle this? I feel like she needs to look at her chest and get used to it. I don't know how to make her less afraid of the hospital. I can talk about the toys she liked there but I suspect she's just going to focus on the bad stuff.

I feel so sad for her, she's otherwise such a sweet happy little girl, a 2 year old shouldn't be afraid to look at her body or that someone will hurt her.

I have no experience with this but couldn't read without replying, this sounds so hard op for you and your daughter. Can she talk well? Have you tried asking her about her chest during a time when you don't need to change or wash her, when she's calm and playing etc. You could suggest she looks at it in a mirror instead of looking down at it directly.

I fully understand your dread at the hospital appointment as I've had trouble with my own ds at appointments for other issues, all you can do is explain in advance (but not too far in advance, maybe just the morning before appointment or evening before) that you are taking her there and what they will do. Also I would try talking about her chest in general in overly positive tones like "your cool scar" or try and relate it to something she likes or make up a story like "Ella the princess Knight has a cool scar like yours under her armour, oh didn't you know that?" or whatever TV show she likes. Sorry if you've already tried all this xx

Hi OP, what a stressful situation you are both in. So glad to hear your DD is doing so well physically though.
My DD had a kidney transplant at a similar age to your DD so I totally understand. It’s so scary for them at that age because they understand that they’ve been cut open but don’t have the powers of reasoning to know it’ll heal. Try to explain to her that wounds heal and that it will all be fixing back together. I always tell her how amazing skin is at healing but let her do things in her own time. I always have found that getting them involved in the wound care (as far as is practical) helps and can highly recommend you get some medical adhesive remover spray and wipes either from the hospital or from the pharmacy. It gets that glue off (as well as dressings) so much less traumatically. My DD likes to spray it in herself. She feels more in control that way.
I agree with the previous poster re talking to her about it at a relaxed point in the day too. It’s so scary for them at that age, I feel for you both. Those ecg dots are soooo sticky too! Good luck my love, let us know how you get on x

Another thought, do you or anyone close have a old scar she can look at to show his wounds heal?

Thanks both.
Her speech is good but if you say anything about her chest or the hospital she just ignores you, doesn't even look up it's like you haven't spoken.
She has looked at the top of her scar in the big mirror in our room a couple of times. She pulled the neck of her top down to look and wasn't upset, just looked interested. Maybe I'll try getting her dressed in our room in front of the mirror and just see what she says.
I've just ordered some medical adhesive remover wipes from Amazon so thanks for that tip!

She's also anxious about being away from the house for too long. When we're out after about an hour she keeps asking to go home. She really didn't like staying at the hospital. She was too afraid to lie down there after being held down a couple of times to take various lines out and would only sleep for 30 minutes at a time while propped up with pillows. Luckily she didn't bring that fear home and is sleeping ok.

I'm so pleased to hear she had the op and it sounds like it went really well. Only two weeks since the op it's still probably causing her quite a bit of pain which may explain the hatred of touching her chest. Can you contact the wards play specialist for either suggestions or to arrange a session where they give her a good experience of the hospital without any medical treatments so that she is less wound up before the next time she visits to get her check up?

Oh wee love. What a big experience for a small person. I don’t have personal experience, but I think the emotions she is feeling are natural and I wonder if you can help by putting some words to her experience when she ignores you. Ie when she won’t let you clean the sticky bits saying ‘you don’t like me touching your chest since you’ve been in hospital’ or ‘maybe you’re worried about your scar’ - whatever you think is happening at the moment. Also naming your emotions in a safe way to help her understand fears are ok ‘I feel sad when I see you looking worried, shall we have a cuddle to help us feel better, etc’. She needs your help to organise her feelings which are probably quite overwhelming and impossible to really articulate. I’m sure it will get better with time and you sound so tuned in to her that I’m sure you’ll instinctively handle things in the way she needs as the next appointments come round. Use MN and people around you to vent your anxiety about how appts will go, so that DD sees you being strong, calm and accepting to help her understand the procedures are safe.

Contacting the play specialist is a good idea. Unfortunately we don't have time before her follow up, which is on Tuesday. As it's in outpatients rather than the ward I'm hoping she won't immediately associate it with the op. They have loads of great toys in the waiting area, she likes the rocking horse particularly so I think we'll try and get their early and let her play for a while so she has time to get used to being there before the appointment.

She is obsessed with PJ Masks and their tagline is Time to be a Hero. She also got a certificate and teddy bear from the hospital which say she's a Heart Hero on them. So we're going with the talking about her being a hero. I got her dressed in front of the big mirror this morning and she had a good look at her chest then looked down at it too. I said to her that she got that mark at the hospital and it means that she's a hero like Catboy. She didn't say anything but did give me a little smile. Baby steps.

Now it's not quite so raw I think you're right and we should try and talk about it a bit more.

Can you get her a toy medical kit and a doll you can draw a scar on in permanent marker?? Do some play therapy and normalise the situation