8 year old asd son keeps hitting people at school resulting in angry confrontation from other parents HELP!

[Coldshoulders]

So I have an 8 year old son who is diagnosed with autism. He's in year 4 and has been attending the same school since year 1. Last year I picked my son up to see another parent shouting at him for hurting there child. Then the other day he told me he kicked one of his class mates so I insisted he apologised (which he said he did) so I thought all is well he's settling in well. Took him to school this morning to have another parent pull me up angrily (as I would be in her position) telling me my son has been hitting her daughter and this has been going on since last year. They have told the teachers about this but no one has informed me. As a mother myself I don't like being shouted at like that so I did get abit angry back and told her I wasn't aware of this now I am aware of this I will deffo tell him he will be disciplined at home and I will do everything in my power to assure this doesn't happen again. I told the teacher to keep the kids away from eachother aswell. She then continued to say that her daughter is basically my son's carer in school, that one line literally broke my heart. In the middle of getting him statemented for a one to one. I asked the teacher who is monitoring our kids when my son is hitting other pupils. It's just making me feel so anxious and down, I'm dreading picking him up today. I have really bad anxiety and depression and this has really impacted on me. Is her daughter really left caring for my son in school? What if my son hurts someone else? I'm waiting for the school senco to give me a ring back, like I said this isn't the first time this has happened. Just feel really shitty and like I'm a shitty parent. "My daughter Is not your son's carer yano" that keeps going thru my head. Can anyone relate to this or offer any Advice on how to stop him hitting people in school? He isn't violent at home he's not been around violence n he's usually pretty calm so I just don't understand but I can't do anything if I'm not there and no one tells me. Think I'm gunna take the computer away until he stops hitting people because I just don't know what else to do. Also not relevant but when he started the school they left him unattended with a pair of scissors and he cut his lip open and had to go hospital to have stitches. I don't want to change his school unless I feel I really need to but atm I don't know what else to do. These mum's who confront me ain't the type of people u want problems with and I'm just so lost and don't know what to do. He's an only child aswell any help advice or anything would be much appreciated I don't want my son hurting anyone I don't think it's acceptable he has x

This sounds horrible. It was completely unacceptable for the other parent to start shouting at you, and the parent shouting at your son was even worse. You need to report this to the school. They cannot let your son be shouted at and threatened by parents, and if necessary they should ban this parent from the school premises.

Obviously your son has done wrong and that needs to be addressed. It sounds like in the case of the second child there have been ongoing problems but the child has maybe not told the teachers?

Punishing your son now for things done months ago is unlikely to be very effective, I feel it would be better for school to punish immediately after each incident.

My advice is to report all of this to school and ask them to come up with a plan to manage his behaviour.

I would ask for a meeting with his teacher or the principal to ask directly why you have not been informed about each of these incidents immediately and that from now on you need to be told if any incidents occur so you can deal with them appropriately or else you're left open to attack from other parents and also report what happened with this other parent to the school.