chronic shyness

[woody3269]

Hi, I really suffered from shyness when I was little, bright red at the slightest thing. So much so, I'm slightly round shouldered now in an attempt to hide my face from the world - doesn't help having acne in later life I can tell you!

Anyway, getting back to point, I don't want my children ending up like me. Do you think it would be a goood idea to take them along to some sort of theatre class so that they get used to standing up and speaking in front of people, etc. I know I hated it when I had to stand up and read a story in English, all eyes on me, etc. Thanks for your help.

I really believe that a shy child can still have a very good and strong sense of their own worth....being shy does not mean you have no confidence in yourself. I think you may not need to worry about theatre class etc so long as the children feel utterly and completely accepted for who they are, even if they are very shy. It's fine to be shy and it's not necessarily something that they need to change, even. So long as their sense of acceptance is high, their self esteem will probably be high too and that can give huge strength of character.

Don't let them think that you think it's a problem. and don't let yourself slip into thinking that they will go down the same path as you. There's no reason they should 'end up like you' - children can often be so different from us!

Many children are shy but do gain confidence as they get older so I don't think you actually need to 'train' them to be able to speak in front of others. I'd say rather let them follow their own interests and hobbies, because they are likely to choose things they are good at and enjoy doing, and that in itself is confidence building.

Thank you for your advice. I still feel that it is something hereditary. My mum was like it - although not quite as bad as me - so I just don't want them to suffer as badly as I did !

I am just like you Woody. I still blush terribly and I am in my 30's and this makes me feel inferior to my more confident colleague. I too do not want my DS to grow up like me. I will be watching this thread with interest.

I'm glad there is somebody else out there like me! I even get blotchy over my chest and neck. Ridiculous, I will never overcome it, just hope that the children don't follow in my footsteps.

I've read in a few places that being introvert/extrovert is a hereditary characteristic. My Nan was shy, my Mum's shy, I'm shy and dd1's shy.

I understand your concerns, I'm taking HonoriaGlossop's approach. Trying to make sure dd1 is accepted for who she is. My Mum and Dad made it clear they were highly embarrassed by my shyness as a child which obviously just made things worse.

Great post Honoria.

I'm naturally quite shy, and avoid a lot of situations (like phoning for takeaways!). People would never be able to tell from my body language that I'm shy (even though I'm panicing inside), and I think it's important to show your children a good example.
My DS is painfully shy, but very brave. I would never send him to a theatre class as he would hate it. I think theatre classes are the kind of thing you should do if you enjoy them. Why not take your DC's along to have a look to see if it's something they want to join in with.

I realised what I've just said. I would be so nervous going to look at a theatre class! Be brave for your DC's Woody!

I was shy, sort of still am. I used to go red and my heart would start pounding if a teacher asked me something at school and I never spoke to anyone in shops and I could never just easily chat to other kids and never used the phone. Still have to work myself up to the phone!

Anyway, before I had ds I read about helping kids overcome shyness because I was worried he would be shy... he isn't! A couple of things stayed with me, first don't label the child shy or use it around them and don't let other adults around them do it either. The second is to help them in social situations, like teaching them how to greet people and teaching small talk.

I hid my shyness as a teenager by being overly loud and funny and belligerent to teachers. I also taught myself small talk as an adult by listening to everyone else who always seemed to be able to talk to people and using the same conversation openers and questions etc that they do!

It helps to feel positive about shyness too. I mean it helps that I am not the kind of person who is desperate to have friends or have people like me. I can be happy just sitting back and doing my own thing or watching others. I've learnt a lot about people and human nature from just observing rather than being out there chatting!

Thanks for all your advice. I think I have made the mistake of saying to people "I'm sorry she's a bit shy" and I hadn't thought that she would pick that up and I may be making matters worse.

Hi Woody, your thread has been helpful to me. I am going to try and push myself out of my comfort zone and take on new challenges. Hopefully this will have a positive effect on my DS.

Yes, woody, you never, ever have to apologise for your child because of this. Many children are shy (even those who end up as pretty outgoing individuals) and it's only to be expected really...so just don't worry if you feel your child is not joining in or replying to someone. You certainly don't have to be apologising for it. That's what I mean about acceptance really - if your child wants to cling to your leg instead of answering someone that's fine and she will 'come out' more as and when she can. Not being made to feel silly and not having attention drawn to it are the biggest confidence builders there are, I think.

I suppose only time will tell - if you can wait a few years I'll update you later!

Thanks all for your help. This is the first time I have posted on Mumsnet, and I am really impressed.

HonoriaGlossop you must be a professional in this field, I hope you don't charge by the hour (or per character typed!!)

how kind woody.

My bill is in the post

Have worked with children, but mainly my thought on this just come from being a shy child who was dealt with very cleverly and sensitively by my own lovely mum.