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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How to deal with "I want that mummy"

10 replies

mckenzie · 22/08/2004 09:07

OUr DS, 3 years old, has just recetnly gone overboard witht he word "want". The new ELC catalogue arrived the other day amd all I've heard since then is "I want that mummy" or someitmes, if I'm lucky I hear "I want that mummy please".
What's the best way of responding do you think?
So far, I've just been saying somehting like "oh do you?" and DH says "we'll have to ask Father Christmas".

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Original poster

mckenzie · 22/08/2004 09:13

sorry, just realised he actually says "I want to buy that mummy" or "I want to buy Tracy ISland muumy please" for example and he's actually just changed it (as I'm typing this) to "Can I buy Tracy ISland mummy?"

My quandry is still the same though?
Perhaps this is a totally normal phase that he'll grow out of but i'd love some tips on how to stop it escalating please.

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emmatmg · 22/08/2004 09:21

Our Ds1 (5yrs) still does it. Ds2 (3 yrs) is starting too so we get it in both my ears now

I'm not sure there is anything you can do to stop it, just answer as you have been with the father Christmas line or maybe "if you're a good boy......etc etc"

I'll be amazed if anyone has a way to stop it.

fruitful · 22/08/2004 10:15

Can't you explain? I know he's only 3 but they understand more than we think they will (and by the time they're older they'll have heard it so many times they'll really get it!).

Tell him you only have as much money as mummy/daddy earns at work and its got to buy all the food and clothes as well as toys. Tell him that mummy would like to buy lots of clothes/cds/whatever for herself but can't because we can't buy everything we want. You could tell him that as well as not enough money, you also don't have enough space to keep all the stuff. Or that if he had all those toys he'd get bored of them too (he'll deny that though!). Hopefully he'll get bored halfway through this and go do something else...

Next time he gets the ELC catalogue, get out a catalogue with stuff in it that you want, and join in. "Yeah, and mummy would like to buy this and this. If we had all the money in the world, what would we get?" Worth a try!

StickyNote · 22/08/2004 10:49

Agree with Fruitful. I have always droned on about asking Father Christmas and that has worked very well, plus explanations introducing the concept of a limited pot of money.

GeorginaA · 22/08/2004 12:57

We get our ds1 (also 3) to "save up" for toys - not with pocket money but with stickers. So "I want that" (if it's a small toy) will meet with the reply "Oh, you'll have to save up for it then". A larger toy will be asked for from Father Christmas.

To save up he gets a sticker a day for a specific good behaviour. We've recently successfully improved his behaviour early morning (he'd been whingy and tantrumy before breakfast) and now we're working on him being dry all day as he's going through a bit of a potty training relapse. He can only earn one toy at a time and it takes 16 stickers (a nice 4x4 grid!) to earn a toy.

As a result, it's only the things he really wants that get saved up for as they're the ones he remembers by the time it's time to choose the next toy he wants to work towards. He's also insanely proud of the toy when he finally does get it (I do go overboard and wrap it up and formally "present" it to him in exchange for the chart!)

suedonim · 22/08/2004 14:31

My youngest was/is very like this. I've always tried to explain that we can't have everything we want and that eventually we have to make choices from what is on offer and according to how much money we have. She's 8yo now and has decided that life would be better if everything was free. I guess my 5yrs of explanations have fallen on deaf ears!

Original poster

mckenzie · 22/08/2004 15:15

thanks everyone for replying. I have already been doing the explaining bit but at the moment he doesn't seem to understand but it makes sense to keep on doing it as he'll understand eventually so thanks for that tip fruitful.
And I like the idea of the starchart (we're trying to get him to stop sucking his fingers but that's another matter entirely!!) so it might work for that. Worth a try so thanks for that tip GeorginaA.

OP posts:

Jollymum · 22/08/2004 19:07

Star charts are great for little poeple-wish they worked on stroppy 14 year olds! What about making a scrapbook, cutting stuff out of the Argos catalogue? Mine still cut stuff out and they're 11,9 and 6! When it gets nearer to Xmas, I ask them to choose the REALLY important ones and we then write on the list for Father Xmas. Obviously the big ones are non-believers but the 6 year old is still on the belief wavering line and tries very hard to be good around Xmas. Hope this helps. My approach now is NO very loud and walking away to moans of " meanie pants" etc etc !!!!

Chinchilla · 22/08/2004 21:50

I'm going through this too! I say that we only have a certain amount of money, and his reply is, 'You GET money'...I think that he thinks the banks give you money willy nilly! That would be nice hey?! I keep meaning to getting round to drawing up a star chart, as we are sporadically trying potty training when we are not going out.

toddlerbob · 23/08/2004 01:04

I love fruitfuls suggesting of "if we had all the money in the world, what would we get?" When I was a girl and mum got her catalogue I used to pretend that I was rich and famous and go through and pick what I wanted, now I'm older I do it with houses.

I think it's more about him trying to understand the concept of money and how you buy things than actually really wanting the stuff, so why not play "shop" and point out prices in the supermarket and stuff.

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