Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

How to discipline my ds....

1 reply

Anastassiabeaverhausen · 06/09/2018 05:45

Does anyone have any insight on discipline and consequences with a ten year old whose behaviour has been problematic at school?
He sees a counsellor, partly because of self image and self esteem issues, and we've been told to use lots of positive reinforcement and to walk away or ignore shouting at us and anger when we ask him to do something simple. She has said this because she said he needs us to be calm and not spend all our time telling him off.

However he's now gotten into trouble at school for being disruptive and disrespectful in class continually. I'm not sure how to handle this with him without getting more shouting or anger from him. Any advice?

I don't want to give away too much info about his entire background as it may be outing, but we're trying really hard to reinforce that he's a good boy and well liked. Balancing that with consequences at the moment is really hard as he takes so much to heart emotionally and gets down on himself.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Kleinzeit · 06/09/2018 19:43

Hi Anastassia, that sounds really worrying!

What worked for us was a blanket policy: if the school specifically asked us to discipline DS for a misbehaviour then we did. (They only did that for the most serious misbehaviour.) Otherwise what happened in school got dealt with at school. And home stayed a safe calm cheerful place where DS could feel accepted and recover.

I always supported the school - part of my role was to let DS rant for hours about how unfair it was until he had calmed down enough to grudgingly accept whatever punishment the school had imposed. I couldn't fix his behaviour for them and all I would have achieved by punishing or scolding would have been to stress him out and make him behave even worse when he went back. The two things that worked for DS were staying calm and positive at home; and getting the right adaptations and support for him at school.

Sounds as if your DS is dealing with a lot and the most important thing you can do for him at school is to support his mental health at home. If he is getting angry at school maybe something is not going right for him. If you keep things very low key and positive and sympathetic maybe he will open up a bit and give you more ideas what is going wrong.

My DS is now happily at university so things can get better! Flowers

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.