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What am I doing wrong with my 3 year old at bedtime

4 replies

Hannahlouise4026 · 31/08/2018 20:49

Just downstairs after spending and hour in the bathroom with dd age 3.9 years trying to get her to put her pjs on and brush teeth. 15 minutes of trying to get her to put them on beforehand. I said if she didn’t put them on we would both have to wait in the bathroom until she decided to. sat on bathroom floor while she screamed for 40 minutes. Finally put them on. Then refused to do teeth. 10 minutes of refusing. Said if she didn’t do it herself then mummy would have to hold her down to do them. Gave her two warnings. Finally had to hold her down and do them. She was screaming and rolling around. She bumped her head on the floor. She’s now in her bed asleep, finally. I feel awful now and just don’t know what to do. I didn’t want to have to hold her to do her teeth but it’s imporant that they are done...feeing like an awful parent and that she now will be scared of me doing he teeth. Everyday is feeling like a struggle at the moment, I managed to stay completely calm the whole evening until the tooth brushing incident. Sorry for the rant.

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Imapudding · 01/09/2018 09:10

Is this quite a recent thing or has she done it before? It sounds like it might be a bit of a one off so I wouldn't worry too much. Try not to feel bad as well, toddlers know how to push the most calm person to their limits!!

My DD has been difficult with both these things in the past. She's very picky about all clothes so after quite a lot of battles I now just go with the flow. As long as it's vaguely suitable I let her wear what she wants. So no PJs? Ok then, go to bed naked if you like. My DD doesn't really like wearing trousers so she tends to either wear a PJ top and no bottoms or a cotton dress.

As for the teeth I don't have a big song and dance about that they either do it themselves / let me do it nicely or they get pinned.😬 not the nicest thing but I think as long as you keep calm then it's ok.

That's what I do, we don't tend to have any battles now about clothes / teeth but I never really know if it's just the phase that has passed.🤷‍♀️

albanyd · 01/09/2018 17:03

Only way I can get my 3yo to do most things (inc pjs and teeth) is by making it a competition... we try to beat his train around the track while we get dressed/ have sand timer for tooth brushing etc.

Don't beat yourself up... we've all been in similar situations ☹️

NoKnit · 01/09/2018 22:54

First child?

She is three and probably shattered from the day I would ask her 2 or 3 times and if she didn't put them on then just put them on for her. Don't worry she'll still learn how to dress herself and listen to your instructions but it just takes time.

Teeth the same, but do you really have to hold her down? Just brush them for her.

I think it sounds like your expectations of a 3 year old are a little high. Relax, give her a couple of chances and if she doesn't do it herself then intervene and do it for her. You can't spend 40 minutes out of a day putting pyjamas on!

FreerOfIcefyre · 02/09/2018 09:54

I think you gave it way too long. My children are in secondary now but I always did the same thing, which was tell them to put on pyjamas not ask them to do it. It is part of the bedtime routine.

If they refused, tell them again. If they refused again I would tell them I would be dressing them instead and follow through. The same with teeth brushing.

I have in the past held them down to dress them/put shoes on for school/put eye drops in/medicine in their mouths etc. Sadly it is part of being a parent. They need to have rules enforced.

That way bedtime is not protracted with waiting for them to do something. It gets done, and then into bed. Otherwise you are giving them far too much control of the situation.

Good luck, it is crap Grin

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