Miserable over 7yo's behaviour

[longestlurkerever]

Kind of tired of making excuses for DD1's behaviour now. Bar a few days of being an utter delight she has behaved awfully this holiday, and in the last few weeks of term. Squabbling with her sister (3) over stupid things like which colour cup she gets, demanding things in an incredibly rude way, having tantrums over not getting her own way and OMG the moans and complaints. Sometimes it feels like everything she says is a whinge. I set up a reward system to try and knock the complaining on the head but it was me telling her she'd not earned a tick for today that set off the tantrum. I've sent her to her room to settle down for the umpteenth time but am feeling utterly dejected and depressed about it tbh. She's been acting overtired for weeks and weeks but I just don't know how to make sure she gets some rest. If we stay in all day the squabbling is unbearable. She has been to holiday club some of the time but only a couple of days a week . I'm off for the rest of the holidays but tbh am not really looking forward to it and feel a bit of a failure.

You’re not a failure at all but it does sound like you could both be in a bit of a negative cycle. Have you read the book Calm Parents, Happy Kids?

Calm Parents, Happy Siblings or How to Talk, without sibling rivalry might be useful to you too

Thanks for the reply. Today feels like a better day but the sibling rivalry does feel like it has hit fever pitch recently so I will look out the books thanks

Dd2 gets her free nursery hours soon and I am going to change my hours slightly just so we have a couple of hours a week just us. I'm also wondering about taking her to woodcraft camp and leaving dd2 at home with DH. This isn't so easy though as DH had chronic fatigue

Sounds like you’ve got a lot to cope with. Having time alone with her sounds like a good idea. If she’s tired though is Woodcraft camp a good idea? Would she prefer chilling at home baking, having carpet picnics and a film?

My DD has been awful recently but I’ve been off this week and we’ve basically just dossed about and she’s so much more relaxed. It is slightly easier for me though as she’s a little older and is the youngest.

Good question. Woodcraft camp is not for a few weeks. Time at home in theory a good idea but baking and board games tend to turn into a squabble fest. I do my best though.

Sorry should have explained myself better. If DH has Chronic Fatigue and that makes it difficult for him to help, coukd you out on a film for DC2 and him while you do some baking, drawing, play doh with DC1?

Yes maybe. We are out on a picnic now but I may take them home soon and try a quiet afternoon. She had a quiet day on Tuesday though with her grandma (before a day at the theatre and then holiday club)) butmehow still managed to stay awake till silly o'clock. I think sleep is key but I don't know how to ensure she actually falls asleep. She never lies in, though has got slightly less early bird as the holidays have gone on. I am regretting sending her to drama camp last week. I needed 2 days of childcare and she loved it but she went every day (albeit short days) and it was too much I think

It does sound like she’s very busy, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but she might just be like my DD who has trouble getting to sleep if there’s too much going on in the day or she’s too tired.

Even though she’s older she has some pretty firm sleep rituals, and can have problems if we don’t stick to them. She’s bought herself some Sleepy Body lotion from Lush. It’s not cheap but you only need a couple of dabs. She likes a bath and DH reads to her every night. Even then, she can still be awake for ages.

Perhaps the Woodcraft thing would help her to relax as its outside. Another thing that might also help is a tween yoga class.

Thanks. She would love the body lotion. She loves a bath but not so much a relaxing soak! She still has stories from both of us - in fact these rituals can end up dragging bedtime out. She's a sociable bean and is always playing out in the garden but with kids in adjoining houses. I don't like keeping her in looking longingly out of the window but sometimes I think she needs a bit of winding down time (though that tends to turn into screen time which is no better)

So we came home and she's been quite sweet making insect houses etc and is now playing with the kids next door. One thing that does bug me about prolonged time at home is the constant requests for snacks though. I think this is one of the main reasons we go out do much. It does my head in, perhaps disproportionately so.

If she’s asking for a lot of snacks, I’d make sure she has a glass of milk to quench her thirst and fill her up a bit and maybe a couple of biscuits. After that I’d just direct her to the fruit bowl. If they’ll eat an apple, they are usually genuinely hungry and probably need something else as well. If she turns her nose up at the fruit bowl, then she’s not that hungry

Yes I have the feeling it's more boredom/habit than anything because out and about she isn't nearly so relentless, though I never know for sure. Milk is a good shout. I have been directing her (them actually as dd2 is just as bad) to apples on the tree.

Well I told her she has earned her tick for not complaining today because that has been much better, but they can both have a bonus prize if they can knock the squabbling on the head a bit too, because my head is spinning with it. They ended up squabbling with their friend too, though then didn't want him to leave. She's gone to bed happy, I am necking the wine and hoping for baby steps....