Baby “tantrums” driving me to the brink

[Anonymouse2]

Go easy on me, I’m feeling delicate.
I have just spent over an hour trying to console my 11 month old son. He woke up around 8:30pm so I winded him, checked his nappy, gave him a sip of water etc. Then he spotted his empty milk bottle on the side and he lost his mind. And I’m not talking crying or even screaming; this is actual wailing, head butting, clawing my face, biting me, kicking, hair pulling, throwing himself backwards.
It’s not a new thing. He’s been doing this since he was around 7/8 months old and it’s escalated from once or twice a fortnight to once a day or more. It could literally be triggered by anything.
At first, I put it down to frustration and trying to assert himself and find his freedom as they do at that age but each month passes by and it gets worse. Developmentally, he’s bang on track.
I’ve mentioned it to numerous health visitors and flagged it at his 10 month review. All I get is “it’s totally normal. It’s a phase. Try ignoring him or walking away.” Those two nuggets of advice FYI are not an option here - I’ve tried everything from cuddles, singing, distraction, massage, to letting him cry it out in a cot or on the floor, turning my back to him, or even gentle swaddling which worked as a baby. If I put him down he scrapes his face along the carpet and headbutts the floor. He headbutts the cot and gnaws the bars like a caged animal. If I pick him up he hurts me or throws himself around enough that I feel I’m going to drop him.
I am at the end of my tether and so is my husband. We have a 6 year old too who never complains but it’s becoming apparent that she’s not getting enough sleep.
Tonight it got so bad I decided to video it and I’ve told myself I’m taking it to a doctor. Except I have no idea what to say to a doctor or what a doctor can even do about it. I feel like a failure as it is.
Does anybody have any experience of this? Is it a phase? I’m lost.
On a side note, when he’s not having one of these episodes, he’s actually the happiest little human on the planet. He’s a joy to be around and he plays and he gives affection and he babbles away all day long. Which is part of my frustration because everybody thinks he’s this happy, placid, smiling little cherub.
Please help!!!!

@Anonymouse2 what do you think made him tantrum over the empty bottle? Do you think he was hungry?

If you think that it could be frustration with communication, have you thought of trying a few signs with him? Simple signs like milk, more and up can help them, or at least did with my DS

Was he not just asking for some more milk? :-/

In general, we just give our toddler what she asks for (within reason!) Perhaps he feels restricted and frustrated if he is asking for things and his requests are not being listened to?
Maybe just reconsider letting him have what he wants more if it is the case that he is getting cross because he wants what he isn't being given.It won't make him spoilt to have basic needs such as food/drink/sleep/cuddles when he wants.

At 11 months they are transitioning from baby to toddler which can make for a difficult time emotionally.

When you say he head bangs/ scrapes his face along the floor...is he actually hurting himself? I know that may sound like a strange question, but the reason I ask is that my 16 month old has often 'banged' her head on the floor when frustrated but she does it in a way that she is careful she doesn't do it so hard that it hurts.
If he is not actually hurting himself it's more that he is physically expressing his frustration,but in a controlled way, I would lie him on the floor,sit a little way away, perhaps touch him lightly if he lets you, ie; pat his back or stroke his hand, and calmly say something repeatedly like ' I know your cross but that's okay, mummy is here'.

I think the health visitor should have known better than to advise ignoring him and walking away...that will just invalidate his feelings and likely make he behaviour worse.I'm not saying fuss over him loads either, but by letting him vent his emotions without overcrowding him, yet sitting calmly a little way away to still offer support.

My little girl always cries when she wakes during her sleep cycle and only settles with a feed for comfort.Does he need milk still for comfort perhaps?

Sounds like you've been trying really hard with different solutions, but it could just be a case of letting him have abit more control over his little life, whilst offering him the necessary boundaries and support.
I am sure this phase will pass, but that doesn't make it any easier does it.
Good luck! X