My sons behaviour is really worrisome

[missmummy2]

I have two kids a 4 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. My son is very soft and shy but has a real mean streak which is worrying me more and more . His sister can normally hold her own she's a wee red head and has the temperature to go with it . My son has been really lashing out at his sister . This morning he bit her upper lip so hard that it was gushing with blood (at first i thought she was having a nose bleed but when I looked closer it was her mouth ) he's been doing things like this then smirking after like he's so proud of himself. My partner got a puppy and it's a really small only 7 weeks old as it's rescued. My son keeps kicking it and throwing it and slapping it . (He's not like this with our big dog at my house only with my partners dog at his house ) . He's started telling me "I don't love you " ,"I'm not your best friend","I'm gona make you in hospital " and I love my daddy not you " (this emotional crap has only started since he started seeing his father again who was a controlling abusing manipulative alcoholic/gambler ) I'm really worried about this behaviour. My daughter is getting really hurt because of him . He's constantly defying anything I say but then he can switch to nice in a split second . For a lot of people he's this perfect little boy that does no harm but he's completely different at home . I'm not the kind of parent who has ever hit there kids I mostly use the thinking step and being put to bed or if we're ment to be going somewhere just down right not going . They also lose treats and bed time story if they are naughty. I'm really stuck at how to control his behaviour . What can I do ?

Is the contact he has with his dad supervised. If you’ve noticed the emotional abuse has started since his contact re-established have you considered a link with the violent behaviour as well. Was his father physically abusive? Did he witness anything? My eldest son did (emotional and financial all the time and one instance of physical) when I was with his father and we are still having to have therapy sessions to cope with his aggression. He is 10. A lot of controlling men, when they can’t control their partner anymore, use children as proxys.

Sounds like your punishment methods may not be the problem but more so that you need to investigate his visits with his father. It's really important to ensure his dad isn't abusing/manipulating him in these very formative years. I know I'm stating the obvious here but it sounds really worrying that this dangerous behaviour has started since your son has started seeing him again. Best to try and nip it in the bud before it causes serious damage.

His visits are once a week for a few hours in his grandparents houses with his dad . His dad had taken him out a couple of times for 45 mins for ice cream. I spoke to the grandparents and there the fathers parents and they assure me my ex would never say or do anything like that even tho they know the extent of abuse I received . My sons behaviour is really bad now tho . I'm finding myself shouting a lot lately cause he just won't listen but I hate being like this with him . I bathed the kids last night and found bite mark on my daughters chest aswel I'm struggling with knowing what to do . Stopping contact means non of my sons fathers family would get to see my son and I don't think that's fair they are cert good to me and help me out because my sons father does nothing. The court order is taken of today but I dono if it's worth making contact with his dad as any time I've tried it the past it resulted is drama from him xxx

I’d be really worried too and I think you need to think about stopping contact with your ex. You know how he treated you - do you really want him to be anywhere near your son?
This post really jumps out at me as my daughter is shy and sweet too and started acting in a very similar way - being mean and then smirking afterwards. It turned out she was being bullied a bit at school. As soon as the school moved the bully away from her, the mean behaviour stopped.
If your ex is making your son feel powerless, he’s lashing out at others. It’s like your son is passing that behaviour on. Your sons behaviour is not coming out of nowhere. He’s responding in the only way he knows to what is happening to him.

I believe he is good to my son I think he is just trying to get at me because he can't speak to my himself. We have been on holiday in Scotland for 4 weeks and his dad has spoken to him once because he was put on the spot . I don't want to stop contact as it would really hurt my son but I can't keep having this behaviour today he said my friend is a lier and has been beating him when I know for a fact that he is lying as he's never been alone for even one second with my friend I'm always there . I just put the kids to bed and had to bring my daughter downstairs because she was crying and when I went in he said he was trying to "bleed her"

I think maybe some kind of professional help, have you tried your HV or GP?

No I wasn't aware I could go to them for things like this xxx