Talk to me about weaning from breastfeeding, please.

[Thistledew]

DS has just turned 2. I am still breastfeeding him- we are pretty much down to feeding first thing in the morning and then at nap time, bed time and at least once during the night. On the days I am out at work it will be just morning and evening and in the night.

I am keen to encourage him to give up but I don't feel able to do so if it is going to cause him real upset. Today, for example, I thought I would try the Jay Gordon method of night weaning- the first stage of which is to end the night feed a little earlier than normal and try to settle to sleep by other methods- cuddling, stroking etc.

It didn't go well. DS got really upset. A fair bit of it was him being cross at not getting what he wanted, but some of it seemed to be genuine upset. He kept telling me he was crying and asking for "boo-boo". He eventually resorted to making me a "comfy chair" with his beanbag and blanket, as I usually say that I will sit on a comfy chair to feed him. I did eventually get him to calm down and stop screaming and thrashing about, and I did then repent and feed him as he was still begging for a feed.

What were your experiences of weaning an older baby/ toddler? How did you persuade him/her to give up the breast if they weren't keen to do so?

My DS has just turned 2 a month ago and I'm trying to stop. I reduced to the 3 feeds you are doing a couple of months back.

I started by not feeding to sleep once he turned 2, but feeding a bit earlier and then cuddling to sleep. Takes a lot longer but I just say no more and offer his cup of water. Some grizzling but I will admit I have had to deploy the iPad to distract a few times. Not ideal at bedtime but it works.

I stopped mornings two weeks ago and he does a little wimper but I just say no bub bubs ( his term.) He's been very stubborn sometimes not drinking anything until mid morning. He won't drink cows milk.

Then this week I've cut out lunchtime nap feed and it was fine for a couple of days. I just held him and put on some relaxing music he went to sleep ok. However now he's punishing me not napping at all. If I say let's have your nap he asks for bub bubs . It's really tricky, but I think ultimately once I drop the night feed it will be less confusing for him.

I sort of scared to stop the last one incase it stops he sleeping all together but I think It will be easier.

Also cutting gradually has made it more comfortable for me. Only minor discomfort.

Hope that helps .. it's so hard to say no to them when it's nutrition and comfort. But I think 2 is time to stop for me !

Hope this helps. Cos I've been there, done that....

We got to 2years,4months and my daughter was still BF-Ing at bedtime. I'd hoped that she'd drop this feed too but it was looking unlikely and I reached the decision that she needed some 'encouragement.' (I was done with BF-Ing!!)

Here's what we did. I phoned the BF-Ing helpline (some national organisation, absolutely can't remember the name but it's called BF-Ing something). I told v kind lady there all about it and she was really helpful - she congratulated me for getting this far, assured me that she'd helped lots of people thru this bit and gave us a plan of action. We had to choose a week for giving up, my husband arranged his work rota so that he could be there to do this bit and, quite simply, he put DD to bed every night for that week while I left the house until she was asleep. DD was promised a treat every morning for getting to sleep without me. She struggled for a few days and her behaviour during the day was a little off cos she was dealing with this huge big deal but she was brave, she got her treats and IT WORKED! All done after a week!

The helpline gave us the right way to explain to DD, most of her peers had already stopped by then, we'd had a few aborted efforts prior to that without the helpline's help and she understood that it was coming and that she needed to be brave. The previous attempts had t been a walk in the park but this final attempt with the helpline's support, worked.

And DD is fine!

Good luck!!!

...and the treats she got in the morning we're quite big too. In my opinion. A quite big new toy every morning. Cost me a fortune!!

...and there were still lots and lots of hugs but without BF.

In my experience, they move on from it pretty fast, and if you're ready to stop I think you need to just go for it. Which means being a bit firm, offering him water every time he asks for breast and not repenting no matter what, otherwise you're back to square 1. The first few days may be tough, but if you're gentle, patient and determind you'll get there a lot sooner than you think.

With mine, I dropped from 'on demand' breastfeeding to bedtime/naptime/early morning only around 12 months, then gradually to bedtime only around 16 months and stopped completely around 18 - 20 months.

With the first one it was tricky because he always fell asleep on the breast and I didn't know how else to get him to sleep. So I started a whole bedtime ritual of story then song then feed. And kept it exactly the same, only eventually offered him water instead of a feed. The singing went on forever to begin with, but we made the transition within about 3 weeks and he never appeared to miss the breastfeed.

The 2 younger ones were a bit easier because neither of them ever fell asleep on the breast past about 1 year, so they got used to being put in the cot awake and settling themselves. Again, I offered water (in a bottle to start with, then in a cup) if they complained. They'd generally settle within a couple of minutes.

Like others are saying you need to break the feeding to sleep cycle. It does take longer than a quick feed but then if feeding is the my way he can settle back off that's why he'll get so upset.

Try encouraging a comforter. I found the in the night feed easier to stop, I just offered water and a cuddle instead and was surprised how well he too to it.

Throw your book away.. You've got to go with what your child's needs are and your feelings or instincts

I'm not overly helpful as my DD kind of self weaned at about 18 months, although it was prompted by an absence from me. My best friend's partner died very suddenly and I had to dash 8 hours across the country to stay with her for a week - so DH was prime care giver for that time. It broke my heart but she was absolutely fine with me out of the way and when I came home I tried to put her on at nighttime and she simply didn't need it anymore/wasn't interested.

I'm not suggesting driving to another country! But if it's doable that you can be out for a few bedtimes in a row (as a PP also suggested) then hopefully it will help avoid the tears and distress as if someone else is putting them to bed they know they're not bf by that person so aren't missing anything. Interestingly for me, I always wore the same bf top since giving birth to her (I had two and washed them on a rotation!), and she just started using one of those as a comforter while I was away and still does now. So whether it's worth trying something similar with one of your tops I don't know.

Best of luck with it!

I should clarify I wore the same kind of bf top at night times - not all day every day!