PLEASE HELP ME OUT BEFORE I GO EVEN MORE MAD

[NAB3]

Kids, age 6,3 and almost 2 went to my inlaws today as I had 3 hours sleep last night and was shattered. FIL asked me to go and get them as they were driving him mad. He hasn't got much idea about kids or tolerance but I know my kids and they can be sods. Apparently they had been punching, throwing food, not doing as they were told and being silly. My MIL is more forgiving and understanding. I know I have clearly made some mistakes, and I do have huge issues which is why I do the things I do, but this needs to stop. At school the sun shines out of my son (age 6). He gives the looks and cheek, is mean to his sister, argues with me and has an answer for everything. He doesn't do as I ask and his sister has started saying no when I ask her to do things too. I realise she is coping him but on the whole she is an angel and this is a very recent thing. My eldest son used to be a darling too and has his moments where he is so lovely I could cry. Unfortunately he makes me want to cry for other reasons too.
I have depression, very few friends, no family and not a lot of energy or compultion to do much at times. I know how lucky I am to have the children (especially as I have lost 2) but that doesn't always get you through the day. I obviously need to change my whole mindset but don't know where to start. I have also been told it is normal for siblings to fight but it doesn't help. Do I ignore, do I step in? Sorry this turned out so long.
Please help.

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Hey, NAB. Thinks seem a little tough in NABland at the moment.

It's very difficult to know how to help. This is a one-to-one thing where you need a friend. Would you be prepared to disclose what region you were in? Perhaps one of us could help in some way.

Thanks. We live in Kent.

Too far for me, NAB, or I'd be over like a shot.

It's difficult when you feel as tired as you do. But changing your mindset is always a good idea. Try to get some rest, do some thinking, and tackle the issues.

But promise me that you'll be clear on one thing. You are the boss.

And six year old boys are absolute pains from beginning to end. Was he a troublesome baby/toddler?

{{{Hugs}}}} hope things start to get better soon, where are the people with the good advice tonight?

Yes, it's a bit of quiet night, Frizbe.

I don't know about advice. I think poor NAB3 could do with a bit of love and company.

DS1 was the absolute light of my life and the whole reason I got up in the morning. I also thought he was going to be my only child so he was spoilt a lot with toys, time, letting him off with things, etc. He was 2 and 4 months when his siter was born and his baby brother is 2 in 2 weeks. I used to be a nanny but nothing prepares you for motherhood. I had an emergency section and then thought we would lose him. I also had PND quite badly.

You have a great deal on your plate, young lady. your current situation would be enough to depress Coco the Clown.

For what it's worth, I thought your OP was full of hidden hope. That bit about 'changing my mindset' was more than I've heard from other threads on MN along a similar vein. You seem to know, intuitively, that if you change the way you think, then things around you change.

Naff though this sounds (and believe me, I am no fan of counselling, new-age theory in general), but an inspirational, step-by-step book on how to 'improve your life' might be what you need at the moment. Perhaps you could order one of the internet, as I imagine trawling through book shops with three kids might be a bit of a hu-ha. (It's bad enough with one).

If you can pull this off, you're going to be one of those admirable women that people look up to. Three kids, not much support, battling with PND, energy levels, etc.

WOW - I admire you already.

Get trawling for an inspirational, easy to follow, life-changing book. You're a farking Madonna in the making, NAB

poor you ! sounds like a handful at the moment and i only have the 2 and have help when i need it but still feel like pulling my hair out most days
Are you treating the depression?
you should be proud of yourself for coping at all IMO. Is there any chance you can send your 6yo to the in-laws on his own so he gets some time away from his younger siblings and then maybe it would be a bit easier for you to deal with the little ones? or a combination of whatever is easier for you? IMO (again) siblings do fight and argue but if its physical stuff then you should step in as that just gets worse if left to go on - even arguing to a certain extent needs monitoring and you to step in where necessary - easier said than done i know but good luck and {{{hugs}}}

Maybe try setting some boundaries with him and then your DD should follow suit.

Does he have pocket money? Bed-times? TV rules?

These are all things that you can enforce and the little things are all relative!!

Good luck
xx

Tiredness is the worst thing, if your nackard everything is bad and you can't see the positives at all.

Is there anyway you could get a break for a few hours to sleep and relax?

Feeling refreshed and energised will help loads as the kids will play off your bad moods and feelings.

Its hard enough with one child let alone 3!! Go and see your health visitor, they are there for this type of thing.

Hope your feeling better soon xx

Things sound very bad at the moment. A lot of us are coming to the end of a bugger of a week - it hasn't been the best half term, but at the moment your problems go beyond this. You clearly adore the kids. But you need to think about yourself a little.
Your kids are all at very demanding ages. First, I think you must address your tiredness/depression urgently. Consider going to the dr to talk about this and whether medication would help. I know many will blanch, but I have been helped twice by a mild antidepressant. Are there any other mums at the school who you could do a 'swap' with for tea once a week - they take your son till 6pm one day, you take theirs on another day. This involves telling other mums you are finding it difficult to cope but you may be surprised by their reaction. Lots of us have little secrets in our pasts that make us extra sympathetic to other mums.
It's a rare woman who lives her entire life without struggling at some point. Maybe you think 'oh God I can't take on another child after school one afternoon' but actually sometimes it makes it less intense.
Do you know a reliable person who could come and occupy the younger two while you go upstairs for a kip? This could even be a sixth former/college student interested in working with children. You won't be leaving the house, you'll only be in the next room. Maybe your MIL could come over to you for a few hours.
Do you have SureStart or anything in your area where you could take the younger two to play and meet other mums. The staff at SureStart and projects like it are all qualified and very sympathetic.
Once you have addressed your exhaustion a bit, you will feel much more able to look at how to change the children's behaviour. You need a clear head to work on this.
Please, do whatever little thing you can to look after yourself over this weekend. Take any opportunity to give yourself five minutes breathing space. And make some plans for Monday morning.

Thank you all SO much for all the support and ideas. It really means a lot.
I would definitely be interested in a book,
Desiderata. Any ideas of titles? I have bought loads of books but never get chance to read them but I promise I will try!
cleaninglady I am on ADs and have been for quite a few months. My GP wants me to think about coming off them in about a year but I must admit the thought of it panics me a bit. I also know that there is more to my depression than just a chemical imbalance.
I have had blood tests and everything came back normal but I have started iron tablets on another GPs advice and I have to see him again in 3 months.
I took my eldest out on his own this morning. We just went to Bluewater as money is a bit tight and I didn't want to have to pay large entrance fees. He seemed happy with a ride, lunch out and a fruit juice lolly. He has been playing lovely for most of the afternoon with his sister. If I praise them they usually start fighting 2 minutes later so I will wait until tea time to tell them and reward them with being allowed to watch You've Been Framed! When having lunch he said he wanted more time just with me and I need to find a way to make it happen. I feel energised by you all being so kind. Thank you so so much.