Am i doing right or wrong???

[MumSinceDec2017]

Hi all.
My son is 8month, i breast fed at start and he constantly fell asleep on breast, i had the cosy next to me sleeper so he saw me throughout night everytime he opened his eyes and i could see him. He was a regular sleeper from day1. Slept 2-3 hours day and night, through day awake for while /fed slept but through night woke for feed and back to sleep, however sometimes id fall asleep and we'd snuggle few hours before he was back in cot.. this usually happened in afternoon feed aswell ☺ (i got lots of comments on this from ppl)
I can't swaddle to save myself so did it my own way and tied my boy up in my dressing gown and i would do my dishes etc, (comment from ppl on this have been given aswel)..sometimes he'd fall asleep othertimes not... now he is older and more actice this has naturaly weaned off.. he only really gets tied up in dressing gown with me if over tired through day, and prior to bed.
Mood and Nature wise he is a very happy boy, will bounce away in bouncer for 15/20 mins at a time happily while i potter about house watching him on monitor, then have play time together, back to bouncer and so fourth.. he likes regular naps, dependind how active we've been hes down 2-3 naps 20min-2hr30.
Recently he refuses bouncer so ive set up a safe play area.. he remains same i go shower, wash floors/tidy up etc wgile watching him happily rumble and crawl about😁
Obviously he has his moments (several times a day) and just wants attention or needs comfort etc.
Overnight he naturally started sleeping 5-7 hours before wanting a feed, this happened pretty sporadically from 2-3 months and then he started sleeping full 10 hours every 2nd to 3rd night.. he generally went down for night at 8pm, and was up for day anytime from 6am and sometimes sleeps till 7.30/8am! I've really just kind of went with him and set bath and bedtime routine round this. I tried reading books etc as bedtime routine and epic fail everytime, he wants dressing gown, wee songs n silly chatter.. gradually ive had to start making sure curtains shut and all volumes low as everything catches his attention! Ha.
He has slept i his own room from 6months, generally id tie him in dressi g gown, we put few dishes away then shut all curtains in house, say nite nite to dad, the because i dont have seat in his room wed lie back on my bed till hes asleep and id put him down. We were abroad for 3weeks there, and i just couldn't do dressing gown due to heat, so carried him about shutting all curtains then said nite then i lay beside him on bed with cushions around him, chatted and sang while massaging his back(he naturally likes to sleep on front)
And he'd either snuggle down and k'o.. or give a wee grumble and fight, need some cuddles, then when lay bk down would settle, and id put in cot. He generally doesmt wake for feeds through night, however at times has required on. Though ive never immediately offered milk. Now hes in his own room i always try soothing back strokes 1st, then if needs picked up ill cuddle, then offer water.. THEN if still inconsolable milk.. 8/10 times it doesnt go more than a soothe and he settles, and this is only 1-2 times a week. More now he is cutting teeth. Since returning from holiday since dressing gown cut out I've kept it out, as im due to start back to work, my boy will need nursery and possibly regular babysitting from grans..
And now reason for post..
Many comments have been made about my sleep routine as another grandchild was alowed to cry to sleep, following a programme or whatever.
Now i havent specifically went out of my way to do baby led, but thats what suits and its done now, but all comments r doing my nut in!?! Since 1month comments about routine through day, going groups for interaction etc.. i did this. And everytime was youngest child there.. he liked looking aroumd etc and interaction yes but really he was months old and usually it coincidencided with feeds or naps, so i was constantly stressed, when not at groups ppl wanted visits so house was contatly a tip and a decided fuck it.. and stopped groups the same coz they were skinting me aswell.. hello here. Maternity pay?? Also same ppl that said bwt i teraction gave comments on.my lack of house work/home dinners made 😡😡😡
Its actually made for lots of arguments at home because comments eat at me for days.. i get depressed/emotional/pissed off!! And u can imagine t rest. Worst bit?? Its mother in law and occasionaly my own mums comments. MinL was determined to hace him an overnight about 4month when he was sleeping over night, didn't ask my routine and only half listening when i spoke so i gave up.. all went well he slept all night. She had couple more successful nights. Recently had him again(was no telling her "no").. he woke 3am, up till 5am. Then made lots commments how other grandchild allowed to cry etc.... how can i expect others to manage and what bwt at nursery??
Personally I've thought i was doing rather dam well. Very emotionally secure, happy boy, feeding great, crawling about. Has obvious q's when tired likes to regularly eat/drink.
At present moment he gets snuggled until sleepy, i softly sing and chatter.. basically depending on his mood to what i do. He goes into cot, rub his back and gently stroke hair and face till he sleeps. Sometimes goes to sleep sometimes needs lifted out hugged till calm then start again till he settles. This has been since home hols just over a week
Am i wrong?? Should i try controled crying? Couple times i have it really affected him badly...
Or should i just say fuck it, if u cant do what i do and dont listen when try to say how i do it its ur problem not mine? And how to say diplomatically.
Opinions on my story would b greatly appreciated, it's really affecting my confidence as a mum

Hi MumsinceDec2017,

Firstly I want to say, I think you sound like a lovely mum and you are doing a brilliant job. He is your baby and you know what is best for him.

Secondly is it mainly comments from your mum and MiL that are up setting you? Or do you get other comments from other family members and friends or from here?

With regards to the controlled crying, I did it, i use to rock my son to sleep, it got to the point where i’d Rock him for an hour put him down and he’d wake up crying and we’d have to start again. We decided to do the controlled crying when he was about 7 months, it was awful, it took 3 days and then he started settling himself and sleeping really well. If you are happy with your current routine and settling him, you should carry on with that, your the one who has to do it every night.

I wouldn’t worry about taking your son to baby groups, I never really took my oldest son, he was a difficult baby and would cry every time we got in the car, once he started crawling at 6 months he was like a different baby but was hard work, I found out I was pregnant with twins, so we would stay in a lot, we would see his cousins and I took him to a baby class a few times but he never got anything out of it. When he started walking well, about 15 months (i’d also had the twins) i’d take him to soft play once a week and he loved it! Once the twins were 4 months old I also started going to a twins group at the local church, and again he loves that, he just plays with different toys and potters about. He enjoys it much more than the structured classes. It’s also a lot cheaper, so maybe looking at a local church playgroup might be an option?

We have a bed time routine as in the sense we have dinner, then baths at 5pm then, the twins go to bed at 6pm and my son at 7pm. We don’t have a quiet time before bed, I normally let him run about to burn some more energy off, some times we read or watch a dvd. My husband then takes my son up to bed. Again everyone is different and it what works for one may not work for someone else.

I also wouldn’t worry about housekeeping and cooking, if you feel you have to clean because you can’t leave it, that’s one thing but if you are doing it because other people make you feel you should, I wouldn’t bother. Your son is never going to remember if you house was clean when he was a baby. I do it as and when I can, that’s the best I can do for now. I also do the cooking, it’s not something I enjoy, sometimes I cook from scratch other times I buy ready made dinners or we have a take away.

Being a mum is a hard work, every baby is different, as long as your happy is happy and healthy there is no right or wrong, parenting is different from when our parents did it, plus they forgot how hard looking after babies is. You can only do what you think is best at that time. X

Ko80
Thanks so much for you're reply,
How did you go about the whole leaving to cry? Bedtime routune is completely all over the place for me.. he'll b 8month on 16th,
D does bath now, has for few month, last few weeks I've managed to get him better at doing 7pm, and if he's not organized i do it, then btl teeth brush, then this is where i struggle, he used to go down easy, i had baby cot in his room since 5month. He jst went dwn, sometimes woke through night mostly slept over night..
Othernight there he was sleepy after teeth, so put straight in cot i sang and rubbed his back was quite whiney, in out cot finally sleeping half hr later.. that was him all night.
Last night thought we will sit in his chair read book 1st, he loved it, put him in cot, rumbled for 5 i rubbed his back he ko'd easy and happy, 4am up no settling him until i Lay in my own bed.. tht was us sorted till half7.
Its only been two weeks since we were bk holiday, and were away 17days.
My worries-
Is it because im inconsistent with what i do just before bed?
Should i keep going with keeping in his bed through night? Even though im crabbit and it vibes onto him? Am i making him clingey?
Im back to work in 2week and wtf will happen, coz will b nights im not home till 9.30-10.30pm..

His bottom2 teeth in, this could be reasoning and hopefully its part of y not always settled overnight aswel as gtn older he moves all over silly cot and many times hes woke ah head right up against rails, even with bumper..
I really do want to try leaving him in cot, its still at top level just now, every time i go to walk away no matter how settled he is b4 hand straight away on tummy going for rails his wee hands out squealing like hell..
Not just wee gurnes :/:/
Hope u can make sense of my rambling soz x

Ps
Are u strict with youre times after bath as to when they go in bed?