Help - 4yo finds timeout funny.

[RaymondHolt]

Hi there,

I must say that our ds is usually very well behaved and lovely to be around - 99% of the time.

However he gets tired and sometimes jealous of his younger sibling. Doing all we can to make sure that he gets plenty of attention and praise.

Every so often for no reason at all he will just hit or kick me or his sibling. Not hard enough to hurt but enough to notice that he's making a point.

If I put him in timeout he just laughs and moves off and turns it into a game. I take him back in silence and it goes on for the full 4 minutes. I talk to him and he knows it's not nice but cannot explain why he does it (one reason being he's very busy?!).

Has anyone got any ideas on what I could do? This has been going on for the past month. He knows hitting is unacceptable but still laughs when he talks about it.

What about time out on your lap? So you sit him facing away from you and restrain him so he cannot jump off and make a game of it?

Or, at age 4, is he old enough to understand a consequence such as “if you hit blah blah then your favourite toy will be removed for x amount of time”? I’m sure a 4 year old would find that less funny

My DS enjoyed time out on the naughty step and used to ask to go 🤷‍♀️ Sorry no help but just reminded me.

They laugh in tense situations. It's a little kid thing. Don't punish your child for a normal reaction. Stop him doing the naughty action and explain why he shouldn't do it. He can't explain jealousy but you can. Try and put what is happening and how he is feeling into words so he can use them himself. He will be so much happier when he feels understood and when he can express himself. Explain it is ok and normal to feel jealous but not ok to hurt people. Suggest he can express it in words and if he wants to kick he can kick a ball, if he wants to hit, he can hit a pillow etc

You could try not starting the 4 mins until he is sitting, if he gets up then the time starts again. It can make mega-perseverance on your part though

Thank you all for your replies.

We've tried taking toys but it didn't make much difference.

I've tried PeterPiper's suggestion and although it was tiring and he treated it like a game he eventually sat there and had a think. Then when I went back for a chat he was much more receptive.

It's just so odd. I asked if he wanted to bake some biscuits for Nana and he cheered and said yes then walked over and kicked his sibling who was minding their own business! We went through the whole thing again and then baked together and have had a lovely time since.

Hi there,
Please please read ‘How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk’. It saved my life! Totally changed my family overnight.
Really good descriptions of why punishments don’t work and what to do instead. Not long read; just the first chapter solves most people’s problems, I’ve found.

I’m just putting the baby to sleep otherwise I’d tell you more, but I’d definitely recommend it.
Good luck; you’re a very caring and thoughtful mum to be searching for a solution like this! Don’t worry, there is an answer.
Please let us know how you get on.
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