Bright toddler and snidey Mums...

[diffyduck]

I know this is going to sound like a humble brag, but it really isn't - I am genuinely looking for advice.

My 15-month-old daughter is a bright little girl. She walked at 9 months, and started talking at 10 months. Her vocab now is quite extensive (though some of it is only intelligible to me!) and she manages 2-3 word sentences at times. She can also climb the climbing frame at the park nearly as well as my 4-year-old son. I'm not deluded or anything - we're not talking child genius here - but if you have your own children, you do notice she's unusual.

It's lovely (if exhausting) and I'm proud of her, but I am also hyper conscious about boasting and pissing other parents off. I have a good friend I attend a baby class with, who has a little one who's a month older. He is bright too, but is a bit more typical in what he can do at his age. I didn't think I was showing off about my DD (I was trying to play it cool and talk about how they're all different and how my son didn't talk at all until 17 months...) but the last few times I've seen her she's made some snidey comments about my DD and her "amazing super powers". She's not the only one who's been a bit snippy either, and I now don't know what to say when other Mums remark on how verbal / mobile she is.

I know it's kind of their problem not mine, but does anyone have any suggestions of non-boasty / completely patronising things I can say when people say "Ooh, she's chatty / very mobile isn't she?!". I second guess everything I say now and just clam up which must come across as very weird!

Thanks.

Be modest and also divert them.

Say 'yeah, she's good at some stuff but not other stuff. Everyone has different talents - did you see X on TV?'

Pretty much everyone we meet comments on DD's speaking but TBH I don't get much snideness (there was one woman who said 'well, I always think my daughter's doing fine till we see Littlerain', in a slightly snide voice but I thought that was more sad than anything else IYSWIM cos of course her daughter is fab).

However, I do find it a bit embarrassing cos sometimes people really do go on about it, and, like you, I'm hyper conscious of not making people feel put out cos they do get into comparing their own kids etc.

So I always used to just say, 'oh yes, she is chatty, but she's very slow to walk/stand/whatever' which was perfectly true.

And now she's two I say, 'she is and she mostly speaks in order to boss me around ' which is also perfectly true! And raises a chuckle.

But really I don't think there's much you can do if one or two people have an issue with it.

I would just make light of it and say “oh she’s a very young looking 5 year old” or “she might talk well, but don’t let her fool you, she was trying to eat cat litter last night”. Just make a joke of it and start talking about something other than child development.

My son is quite delayed in some areas and I just change the subject now, it’s easier than getting the “well they all develop at their own rate” fake smile

Things will probably even up soon enough but she does sound quite unusual at 15 months. Where she seems different is being good at physical stuff as well as talking so well. I’ve seen kids excel in one or the other but never really both together at that age.

On the physical side, my daughter was very advanced- she was sort of know for it on the baby group circuit. I used to just say I was exhausted as she was like a whirlwind. Early on most people had sympathy with me to be honest. An early mover is hard work.

But I also learnt when to shut up. She was an excellent sleeper from about 6 weeks and still is at 2. There was no point chipping in to the conversations about sleep deprivation as there would have been nothing I could have said that wouldn’t have made them feel bad. Sometimes I do say stuff though if people are spouting rubbish about the most loved/brighter/best kids don’t sleep etc.

If they know your child is pretty advanced, they probably don’t want to hear you say ‘they’re all different’ etc as they know for you’ve got the good end of different and people can be touchy. Her physical and communication skills will be very visible.

With one at school now i realise early advantage doesnt always translate to being good at other stuff.
Both dds were early speakers (hello at 10w), thousands of words by 18m. But cycling 5yo and swimming 6yo.
Lots of vocab can help with reading, but with phonics loads of kids seem to pick up quickly at school.
I do think however possibly girls are on average earlier with early development.
Tbh slightly slower even development would have been preferable as both dd seem like they have adhd.
People with only one dc that you meet op may think behaviour and development is more through parenting than it is. When you have 2 it's a lot clearer.