Mixed post- not sure where to put it..here goes.....

[Pan]

dd (7) stays over with me every other w/end and v. occasionally in week. She prefers to sleep in my bed - so I put her to bed 8-9pm (w/end) and go to bed hours later and she is fast asleep. All fine. She sleeps in Mums bed from time to time.

Aaaanyway. This morning I am talking to work friend about her ds and sleeping in bed with her, and I remind her about my dd, and we laugh.

Later, my line manager invites me in, tells me she isn't a mother, but warns me that if dd ever mentioned at school that she sleeps in my bed, then it could trigger a Soc Serv. investigation.

She was at GREAT PAINS to say it wasn't an accusation, and she was only talking out of concern for me....

My first reaction was "well I look out for dd and me, thank you"..calmed down, accepted her concrens, but assured her they were misplaced. Thanked her again, genuinely, and left.

What do I make of this?? I am unique on this site I think as a 'dad living separatly', and certainly then having dd sleeping in my bed. Mum nad me have talked about this in general, and have decided that by end of summer and new school year, co-sleeping ends with odd exceptions. No-one I know in RL is in this position either.

It is the first time my parenting attitude/skills/approach has been criticised, so I may be being a bit reactive. ESP. coming from a work manager who readily admits her total lacking in experience

Am genuinely confused a bit by it all.

Any views please on any of it??? thanks.

Your line manager sounds like a nightmare!
Silly Cow.
She is 7 FGS.
[ANGRY]for you

thank you. HATE to be defensive IF I am in the wrong..and was pretty well thrown by her 'intervention'..WTF has it to do with you??!!!

i would not have a problem with my any of my dc sharing a bed with their daddy at that age. i would be very annoyed by anyone saying that sort of thing to him. how awful. am also for you

how odd. She obviously thought she was doing the right thing by "warning" you, but still none of her business.
no-one would think twice if a 7 yr old girl was sharing a bed with BOTH parents.

I would just ignore it tbh. assume that she was trying to "help", rather than cause trouble- and that she's a busybody lol

"I would just ignore it tbh. assume that she was trying to "help", rather than cause trouble- and that she's a busybody lol "

that was my preferred position, fw. not so much a busybody, but, extending herself beyond remit???

Pan - did your line manager overhear or was she acting on what had been subsequently reported to her? I find their reaction / intervention a bit bizarre tbh - I mean what business is it of theirs????

I really do feel that the world has gone mad sometimes.The fact that a loving father can be made to feel like this makes me mad.TBH if a MUM had said this to me about sharing a bed with son I would not turn a hair.I have read your post and others and you come across as eminently sensible.How sad that your colleague felt it of note to mention to your line manager.

today i realised dd1 (age 7) was quiet so went to find her. i found her snoozing on daddys chest in his bed. nothing to worry about. in fact it was more of a kodak moment.

did your line manager haul the other lady in whose ds was sleeping in her bed?

then again, if you heard a story in the news of someone abusing their child and that many of their colleagues knew that he took the child into bed with him people would be quick to judge and say "why didn't they say something?"

sadly though, it does go to show that some people would see it that way. so maybe she has a point re: not mentioning it? sad as that is
it does seem odd that your work friend had then gone on to tell other people though. bizarre

thanks wt

she was in the kitchen and work friend and I were talking 'across' line maanger about this and laughing hysterically at "getting rid" of little ones so you can sleep properly. She said it took her ages to pluck up the courage to mention it.
It hasn't "upset" me, but I DID think "hmm..could do with a mumsnet jury on this, if only to reassure me I was right"..thank you.

misdee - strangely no!!

her ds is 3 yo and she is single, so the question of father sleeping with him doesn't arise.

oh bless at taking ages to pluck up courage. I honestly think she sounds like she was genuinely concerned that someone might hear it and think it wrong, and so she decided to warn you.
yes, it's none of her business- but is it so wrong to be concerned?

no, my work colleague would also find this odd. ( haven't seen her since). She is Brazilian...bit easier about stuff like this, and she does find the lack of tactileness of the British a bit odd anyway

no, not wrong to be concerned fw. Am not having a go at her..just seemed odd..if she WAS a parent she may have hada different view...not.." I know bugger all about this, but that isn't going to stop me commenting on the most important part of your life and one in which all are vulnerable...."

your line manager better not come round here. its great fun to sleep in daddys bed, even better if he is in there. as his bed moves up and down

Unfortunately, because we have had about 10 years of hysterical everyone's-really-a-paedo panics, people are getting horribly paranoid about normal parental affection. You sound like a lovely dad - and, tbh, the woman at work sounds like a well-meaning twit rather than an officious nasty-minded creep, so try not to be too cross with her - but please don't become afraid to cuddle your DD.

thanks all for taking time to comment. Do feel reassured as a result..it niggled all day (this was 9am) and am happy to put it to bed, as it were. thanks again.

night night pan x sleep well x

morning nally! Have a good day!