Made to feel terrible..

[OnNaturesCourse]

For my 8 month old having separation anxiety.

LO is normally absolutely fine going to other people, and being out for the day away from me but is hitting what I believe to be a 'wonder week' in their development and is frustrated with their inability to crawl or move (they are so close but not quite there)

LO has got very clingy over the past week or so, and a few people have passed comments about how it's basically my fault for letting LO be attached.

My thoughts are LO isn't normally like this, and is clearing going through a development leap, so I should just ride it out and comfort LO BUT a part of me can't help but feel rotten when comments keep rolling in about it being 'my fault'.

Do people not realise how hurtful judgement on your parenting can be!?

Anyone else have a LO that went through a phase similar when learning to crawl etc?

My DS is just 8 months & is very frustrated at not being able to crawl. I actually don’t think he will as he’s now trying to pull himself up so might skip straight to walking. He is often clingy, but has been more so lately.

Who is saying this to you? And what exactly have you supposedly done to make him clingy? I know it’s easier said than done but I’ve really toughened up since DS has arrived. My FIL in particular loves telling me all the things I’m doing wrong in my parenting. Think spoiling him when he’s tiny for picking him up when crying etc. Now I just roll my eyes. It is hurtful, unnecessary & people shouldn’t comment unless you’re asking for advice. I’m no expert, but I very much doubt you’re causing your baby to be clingy by comforting them. Your baby is still just that, a baby, you are supposed to comfort him. And if you are then I am too 😁

I will say, I’m probably a bit guilty of passing my DS stuff when he’s annoyed at not being able to reach it etc, and not letting him ‘try’ enough to crawl. So I’m trying to let him try more while still being there. But I don’t think it’s going to stop him crawling/walking when he’s ready.

I’m sure you’re doing a great job as a loving, huggy Mum. Please try & avoid/ignore anyone who makes you feel rubbish xx

People love to judge mums. They will have done things differently to how we do them, and obviously it was so much more successful than how we are doing them.

At 8 months he is learning tonnes of new things and it's a big developmental stage, so it would be understandable that he wants comfort and reassurances from you.

Apologies, yes my ds was a bit of a fiend at this age! He would wake himself up by getting into a crawling position in his sleep.

Hey.

Sorry for the late reply

Its a few close family members doing it. I have toughened up since having LO as it seems everyone suddenly thinks you want their opinion BUT this got to me. Mixture of PMS, overtired and not having any personal space thanks to LO being extra cuddly right now.

LO is going through such a development phase, and has recently cut a whole load of teeth, plus they have started waking through the night again thanks to being able to wiggle around and getting stuck in positions.

Oops, hit send too quick.

So naturally LO isn't feeling 100% and wants me close by. It's bloody hard work, it's not like I want LO to be like this. I mean I can't even go to the bathroom without a screaming match but we've been through similar at roughly 4 months old and got through it.

What else can I do, ignore the cries and leave LO to sit themselves? Send them to the grandparents when they are throwing a fit? Lol.

Just ignore them. My mum often tells me that DS is too clingy (in fairness, he really is) and it's because I was too quick to cuddle him when he was tiny, or it's because BF him and co-sleep.

I did everything exactly the same with my DD and she was never clingy, DS is just a velcro baby. Keep doing what you're doing, babies are all different.

Hi I remember my DS doing this, classic time for attachment crying and clinginess is around 9 months and 13/14 months, both coinciding with baby becoming a lot more mobile and independent in terms of feeding themselves, and moving, etc. It's like they think they can do everything by themselves, don't need you, but then the batteries run out and I NEED MUMMY NOW!!! Flight or flight.

It does pass. Everyone else needs to get stuffed really! Ultimately your LO still needs you to survive. It is not attachment, anxiety, spoiling, over-indulging, or anything that these people wish to throw at you. You are entirely responsible for your child's welfare and these are all just stages of development which are totally normal, not something that is your fault or actually anything that you can do a lot to change.

Thank you.

That made me feel better.

I guess some family members are just finding it hard that LO won't go to them as willingly as before. LO was very happy going to, and playing with, others until the little phase started. I've tried to point out that right now LOs little world is suddenly getting bigger, with lots going on, and LO is still so little and immobile that it must be frightening for us, the parents, to go away. We are LO comforters in a scary place.