So I'll briefly try to summarise...
I've recently become responsible for a relative's 2 children due to her drug addiction. The 6 yo seems to have settled and no major behaviour issues. The older one (8) who seems completely charming and intelligent when first meeting people is just so highly emotional, is challenging me atm and I have worked with children and adults in care. I feel I am constantly having to nag him regarding appropriate behaviour when out and about. He will just make random loud shouts to get people's attention e.g. on a bus earlier started saying loudly to me "why are you kicking me?! Please stop!" When i asked why he was saying this he said he was just joking. As I settled my toddler tonight (DP is out and he normally settles the older ones) he argued and cried hysterically twice over various issues (his brother wouldn't let him hold one of my toddlers toys). He will also only do what I've asked e.g. put pjs on, if I literally stand in the room repeating myself each time he stops. He seems to be constantly pushing boundaries and activities he enjoys I have to then restrict him in. For example he had taken a pair of scissors from my kitchen into the bedroom to do "crafts" if he couldn't sleep. He has taken scissors before (tried to take them into school but I found them) and I explained why this mustn't happen again.
He can undo every childlock ever created. Will even help himself to medicine if my back is turned.
So I'm not just moaning, looking for answers to these questions...
Is it normal for an 8 yo to cry over things, like toys, that dont even belong to them?
How can I keep boundaries without him feeling everything he does is wrong?
How can I enforce a natural consequence for things like taking scissors?
Then a more major question which probably, once solved, will negate the need for the others...
How will he ever trust me and my DP love him when his own mother has prioritised drugs over her children?
Sorry for long post, so much to cover but Im really looking for practical support on how to foster a (safe) nurturing environment for the now 3 children in my house. Social services have given no support to us regarding any of this as of yet, though I have met the professionals who assure me they are "about to start" guiding the boys through what's happening.