Worried about my child starting school - anyone else feel their child is not ready?

[Mrsm2812]

Hi

I think I may be posting in the wrong section but am not sure where I should post about this. I’m sure there probably have been lots of people post about this before but I am very concerned about my child starting primary school in September and it’s going to ruin my summer thinking about it. I have more than one child so have been through the whole starting school thing before, however I have not been worried like this before as my youngest who is due to start school in September is extremely clingy and close with me and also quite young for their age. As a summer born baby, my DC is young anyway but in a lot of ways is still quite babyish. Socialising is not an issue as my DC loves playing with other kids and plays with plenty of friends of my other DC. The problem started with nursery which I have tried for a year to settle my DC into and it has been a total nightmare. Only recently had my DC stopped crying when been left at nursery so there was an eventual improvement but given the choice my DC would not have gone. For nearkybthe full year I had to battle with him to go to nursery (pre school nursery) and has to go through the upset of leaving him screaming and crying etc. Even though he did get better with nursery, it was only a couple of hours a day as it was mornings or afternoons. The school day is much longer and I really feel he isn’t ready. I have spoken to School about this and explained my concerns to which at first they seemed to listen to me and be understanding as I mentioned that I had done some research and that as my child will still be four when starting school that legally he does not have to go. I don’t want to defer him a year as it would mean missing out on the Reception year. Anyway I spoke to School about my DC starting school on a part time basis until he is ready, so a few hours instead of a full day. Although very reluctant, School have agreed that he can go until lunch time or go home straight after lunch for a ‘while’ but they were very pushy with nursery as he started on just a few days and they were forever on my back about him going more days, even when I knew he wasn’t ready. I have been in a few times to speak to School about this matter and although they speak to me, I can tell they just think I’m neurotic and anxious. I am anxious about my child starting school but only because I know what he is like and that he is not ready. I was not like this with my other DC as none were like him and all went to nursery from day one very happy. So School have agreed part time for a bit in Sept but I can tell from speaking to them that they will be on my back to increase the length of the day and I can tell this is not what they want to do. My DC probably won’t even eat lunch at school, he still sets himself a lot of the time and I just know he is going to cry every day and be unhappy that he’s not going to be with me. Has anyone else been through this who could offer some helpful advice?

Thanks

A lot of people feel their child isn’t ready and therefore Home school instead you don’t have to legally go to school at all. There are massive communities of home schooling wherever you are. Maybe join some home schooling Facebook groups and see what you think?

That's normal for parents to feel that their child isn't ready for school yet. Just try to observe what will be his reaction or behavior in school.

I don't think you need to worry as much as you are. I'm a teacher and I've seen loads of this in the past and it usually sorts itself out pretty quickly.
Try and organise lots of play dates for him during the summer holidays and take him to environments where there are a lot of other children in a close proximity such as soft play centres.
Also try and take him on day trips where you are out of the house for about the same length of time as a school day. He'll then hopefully get accustomed to using strange toilets, verbalising when he needs the toilet and having to wait until you find a public toilet! It will also help him get used to eating out of a packed lunch box and increase his stamina for longer days.
Engage him with activities that require a lot of attention and gradually try to increase the length of time that he does these activities. Things like 'spot the difference', colouring by numbers, cutting out shapes etc... are all good for this.
Read lots of books and 'social stories' about children at school.
Finally, stick to your guns and trust your instinct. You know him best.

I flexi-schooled both of mine at this stage. My more sensitive child would have been better home educated she just didn’t want to go to nursery or school but became resigned. She later became quite stressed by the pressure of school, I only realise this looking back now that it is all behind us and we have overcome the issues that transpired. They are both home educated now at 5 and 7, it’s very easy at this age. The home education community would be able to advise you about dealing with the school you will find them on FB. They will have concerns relating to their attendance and funding with part time, I expect.

Lelivre - Thank you. At this stage, although I don’t think he’s ready at all and I know how difficult it will be getting him to school in Sept I have decided to try him with shorter days. School have agreed to let him start by finishing each day at 1pm, which means he would stay for lunch and the lunch time play time. I wanted him to come home for his lunch but School think it’s inportant as lunch time is where they form friendships. What I would like to know is, because I have accepted his school place.. if we start in Sept on the shorter days but it’s still a nightmare for him, can I pull him out completely and say it’s too much and he’s not coping etc and that I’m leaving it another year? He won’t turn five until next summer so I know that legally he could go to school the following Sept but i’d like to know if it would be possible to pull him out or are you stuck to having to send him this year because you’ve accepted his place?
Also you mentioned part time schooling, what is this? Is this where you home School them for half of the time and he attends school part time? I didn’t know you could do this.