Do I take my DS home from holiday?

[Coffeeelover]

Hello all, I just need some outside points of view as feel I’m in a no win situation. We have a static caravan that we spend slot of weekends at and holidays but haven’t been for a while so have been looking forward the break and time together with our 3 children. Our 7 year old tried to run away a few months ago while we were here because he got told off and luckily my DH caught up with him as there are a lot of caravans for him to get lost. We told him if he ever tries it again one of us shall take him straight home and the others will stay. Well tonight he lost his temper and hit DH (dad) while we were walking to get ice cream because he laughed at him about something so we didn’t get him an ice cream. He then sulked and then tried to run away. We got him back to the van and he started throwing stuff at us and told us to leave him alone. I then said to get ready as I’m taking him home tonight. He started saying that he wants to go home. The thing is last time he also said that and a few days later said that he didn't really but knew we would stay here if he said that. My husband thinks we should stay because ds wants to go home and have quality time with me where as I think he really wants to stay. If I take him I will have to follow through and stay home for the day but if I don’t we look like we are not serious. What is everyone’s opinions on this?

I think it was a bit of a daft threat to make, but, if you;ve told him the consequence of A, is B, then you have to follow it through.
It seems a shame to have backed yourselves into creating the situation where you miss out on your holiday though.
He might even enjoy the 1:1 time he will get at home with you, without competing for attention with his siblings - I know any of my dc would.

If you take him home, make sure he has a boring time. Any quality time needs to be dull like helping to clean or garden, not nice stuff like baking and watching lots of tv.

I agree with raningcatsanddogs - make it dull if you do take him home. If DS wants to go home to get time alone with you then could you send him home with DH? And give him quality time with you at other times without having to act up to get it.

If it's realistic to take him home then do so. Don't waste time on second guessing about what he wants or not. But if it's not realistic to take him home (e.g. you and DH need to parent together, or spoiling your own holiday, or too harsh, or whatever) then think of some other consequence and use that instead, and don't threaten to take him home in future. You need to ignore a lot nonsense and minor misbehaviour, have sensible punishments for serious misbehaviour (like hitting, which would be a no ice cream kind of offence!), and only bring out the big stuff like taking him home for really dangerous misbehaviour (I assume running off is dangerous, otherwise why would you bother?) I think depriving him of icecream for a trivial misdemeanour like laughing at your DH is a mistake - your DH should totally ignore that kind of thing.

Staying in a caravan can be stressful just because it's so hard to be alone. Your DS may need some alone time to calm down. As a seven year old he should be able to go at least a short way out of sight and be by himself. Rather than getting upset about him running off to calm himself down (which will only encourage him to run off more whenever he wants to piss you off) how about identifying some places he can go to by himself? And make sure he knows the main routes to and from the caravan so he can be independent.

Why did your DH laugh at him?

Thanks for all of your replies, some good answers here. It was my husband that laughed at him because ds was having a meltdown that he had a snotty nose then ds hit his dad I. The stomach quite hard and winded him hence the no ice cream and yes it was the running away that made us say we’ll take him home. In the end we decided ds did want me on my own so my DH put him in the car to take him home instead. They got halfway and he was so sorry and upset so they came back but he has been told if he runs off next time then it will be home. Today he’s been good as gold.....even made the beds and washed up!!! Fingers crossed the rest of the hols will be fine 🤞🏻

Hmm, I agree with pp, not a great consequence to suggest in the first place as it's a really big thing to take him home. I think next time though you really need to follow this all the way through and make going home dull. Homework, chores etc.

After that though perhaps work on some other strategies to try with him? He doesn't sound very happy.

He is usually happy but does have some social skills issues and it’s very likely he has ADHD but don’t really want to go down that route if possible. And he doesn’t deal with his emotions very well hence the hitting and running away. I have told him about going to his room or even the car if he needs space but he forgets and just tries to run. He is a very sensitive boy and takes things very personally.

Did I get it right, your DS was upset, had a snotty nose and your DH laughter at him? I think you should reallly avoid laughing at him and ridiculing him when he feels upset and vulnerable. If he is upset over silly thing of course you should not give into him, but the upset is real. Laughing at him will only make him feel worse and then he’ll be less able to control himself.