Have I messed up mealtimes?

[fluffyanimal]

DS is 14 months. Until very recently he was quite an unfussy eater and when I weaned him I did purees / spoonfeeding but with quite a few finger foods. He was always very happy to be spoonfed. Lately I've noticed that he is wanting to be more independent about eating so I'm giving him his own spoon, and trying to present food that is easier for him to eat with his hands.

The last few days mealtimes have turned into a bit of a nightmare. He doesn't want to be spoonfed (homemade stuff, very coarsely blended so lots of texture, he is used to that). He begs for certain things but when he gets them he just plays with them. If he has his own spoon, he only tries to wave the food around - he can feed himself yogurt but won't attempt to feed himself anything else.

I let him put his fingers in the food to feel the texture and see if he would rather scoop it up / lick it off his fingers. He eats a few crumbs and gets bored. if I try to spoonfeed him he gets upset. He wails to be given e.g. a banana and then throws it all over. I get firm and say NO - he wails. The only thing he will definitely eat is yogurt and raisins.

What's frustrating is that at his nursery, where they are spoonfed, all the reports I get are that he eats everything good as gold.

I feel at sea with how to deal with it. Should I be strict and not give him what he begs for? But then I worry that he doesn't eat enough. Should I just give him what I know he'll eat, so that mealtimes aren't a battle? I don't know how to balance discipline with allowing him to experiment and making sure he gets a good diet.

DH says I'm stressing too much and that ds is hardly starving, but I'm worried about setting the wrong behaviour pattern. Help please!

We're in a similar position. Ds eats his fromage frais perfectly with a spoon, but wants to eat his meals with his fingers. TBH, I just let him. It's not worth making into a fight at this stage. I think he has a good few years in which to work out how to use cutlery and he is quite interested in using forks, rather than spoons. I'd make him finger food for the time-being and try introducing cutlery again every few months. That's my plan of attack anyway! Good luck...

Oh, for finger food, I make meatballs, quiche, roast vegetables, sandwiches cut up into small squares, mini pizzas, etc.

I think this is a common phase at this age that a lot of children go through. Just stick to your guns and also bear in mind that growth rate really goes down after age 1 and sometimes so does appetite. AFAICS you are doing everything right.

And of course it is absolutely written in stone that even the most stubborn refusenik at home will lap up nursery food.

Ds2 is 12 months. Like yours he can eat yoghurt with a spoon, but nothing much else. Can I just ask - are your two boys your first children? (Don't take this the wrong way...) I remember getting very anxious about ds1 at this age and whether he was feeding himself or using the spoon etc. Now on my third child, I simply don't have enough hands or time to make him use the correct utensil or whatever, or even to make sure he eats what he's given. With dd, she is very motivated by food, and chose to eat with spoon and fork from being about 11 months, but again she wasn't 'taught'. Ds1 who is nearly 6 still has to be told to 'use a fork' not fingers, and he was probably the most 'taught' to use one.

I'm sure the key is happy non-stressy mealtimes, enjoying a social eating occasion with your child. Definitely don't make it a battleground - give him his meal, and let him get on with it. Then when he's finished, take it away.

Fluffyanimal - dd is also 14 mo and has recently started behaving in a very similar way. I'm glad I found this thread as I was considering starting one of my own on this very subject. Fingers crossed that both our dcs come thru this phase soon

Thanks for replies and reassurances. Yes he is a PFB so I probably am being overly neurotic. I wouldn't mind if he ate more with his fingers if only some of it went in, that is what bothers me. He refuses the spoon but then just chucks fingerfood around, so is eating much less than before. It's just such a strong urge to make sure he is eating something, you know what I mean!

fluffyanimal, I really wasn't suggesting you were neurotic!!! - but I do remember that I did try and 'control' mealtimes more with ds1 than with dd and ds2, and not to good effect!

I wouldn't worry at all, fluffy. This is all very normal. I don't fret mealtimes, and never have. These things fall into place when the dc is good and ready.

For what it's worth, my ds is 2.6 and he still rarely eats with a spoon. When your ds gets to 2, you may find he goes through spells where he eats very little, and you'll find yourself not minding how he eats - just that he's eating enough!

Fluffy - I know how you feel. Yesterday, ds has a few mouthfuls of Special K, half a banana, one white roll with butter, a tiny, tiny piece of quiche, 1 box of sunmaid raisins, couple of small broccoli florets, another small piece of quiche and some carrot slices - and his daily fromage frais!! Actually sounds like quite a bit writing it out, but it really wasn't and certainly not as much as he used to eat. But someone once pointed out to me that no toddlers die of starvation so not to worry too much and that's what I try to keep in mind when I worry about how much he is eating...

There do seem to be times when they survive on thin air and crackers. Writing it down does help to see how much they grazed on over the day. I tend to rationalise it as- hes not in a growth spurt,hes got more efficent at walking, he doesn't NEED as much at the moment, when hes hungry/growing he will eat.
DS is 14m/o and currently eating well, but he has off days when he turns his nose up at every thing.