BEDTIME STRESS!!! HELP!!!

[mammabelleboo]

My 19 mo dd has always been excellent at bedtime. I've been so lucky as she goes down well, has slept through from about 4 months - I can count on one hand the number of times she's woken in the night, and has always given us time to have breakfast before waking in the morinings. I knew one day this bubble would burst and it popped earlier in the week!! Gone are the lies ins & she's become difficult to put down at night - really crying hard and screaming. I can cope with the early starts, but the tantrums at bedtime are really stressing me out - probably because I've never had to deal with it before. I'm a great believer in not making a rod for your own back so I am going down the route of letting her cry herself out. But it is so hard!! I check her a maximum of twice to make sure she's OK - as in not too hot, no dirty nappy etc, give her a cuddle and a drink if she wants one. Then I leave her to it. Am I being too harsh? I really don't believe in sitting in til she's asleep - tried that and she just thought it was funny and kept messing about and trying to play. I'm trying to get the message across that bedtime is bedtime - go to sleep, no messing!! But it is hard as she can cry really hard for up to 20 mins. I wouldn't leave her for too long - though would still be reluctant to get her up. Just don't want her to get the message that if she cries long enough, I'll get her up or sit with her. Am I being a hard mum?

Any body there??!!

Hiya, I don't think I've got any practical advice for you I'm afraid, but didn't want your post to go unanaswered.

I take it her bedtime routine is the same, there's nothing that's changed? Do you have a wind-down time etc so she knows its bedtime? Have you tried putting her into bed with a drink and then reading a couple of stories? Not much use I know but just a couple of things I can think of.

FWIW, I don't personally think you're being a hard mum, but I know it is hard to listen to them cry.

Hope that helps or that someone with a bit more experience might come along soon.

I'm trying to remember what they're like at 19 months. I know when my dd started playing up (and it was mainly delaying tactics to stop me leaving) I'd just say "that's enough, I'm leaving now, I'll see you in 5 minutes", walk out, shut the door. Either she would instantly lay down and behave, or she'd have a rant for 5 minutes until I went back, then I'd tuck her in and that would be it usually.

Sometimes she'd kick the covers off for a laugh as I was tucking her in, then I'd walk again, wait outside the door, and hear her wailing "tuck me iiiiinnnnnn". Then I'd go in and tuck her in, and she'd have realised that there wasn't a game going on.

I didn't mind walking away because I was sure she was only mucking about, there was nothing wrong with her, she wasn't in pain or scared of the dark or anything like that.

What happens at bedtime now? I know my DC began to want more of the 'wind-down' pudding talks about once they got to 18 months+.Before that they were content to go to sleep just with a feed.

After that age we started a routine which involves a play in the bath followed by a story, cuddles and a good-night song. The routine takes about 40 minutes, but can not be rushed or they just don't settle because they are not relaxed. When they are unsettled they will cry, get out of bed, try to come down stairs etc. Hope that helps!

i'm having the exact same thing at 15 months, a clearly tired little boy won't sleep - or a wide awae boy after having extra naps think's it's time to play.

it's really tiring isn't it - tonight we're tryoing a new tatic - bath etc and then in his room for his milk and bed time story as opposed to coming back down again - hoping that will help a bit.

Agree with Munz- Definitely don't come back downstairs after the routine as it gives mixed messages about bed-time.

Thank you all for your constructive advice. We haven't really established a routine of bath, story, drink, bed - maybe that's a route I should now be going down. Is difficult as dh gets in late and he likes to put her down & after walking the dog (I can't do that as she is a monster dog and pulls me over)! there isn't much time for us to spend on a long routine, it tends to be a quick bath & a bottle ... but we will try to put together something not to time consuming. She was better last night - maybe cos it was cooler & darker at bedtime than it was last week - maybe that didn't help. Glad to know I'm not the only mum who is doing the walking out and leaving to cry bit - makes me feel better. Thanks again all!

Make sure she's tired as well - does she nap a lot in the day? All children come to a point where they need less sleep in the day and this is often signalled by being difficult to put down.

If she still has a 2-hr nap maybe cut it to 1hr? 19mo is early but it may help.

Or make sure she has some good energetic play in the afternon to tire her out (just running round in the garden is fine).
HTH

I know its hard with dh's wanting to put them down as well, my dh is the same but he also wants some of the playtime! We've decided now that dh does the bedtime routine on a weekend so that ds does have the wind-down time, usually about an hour before his bedtime, and then he's not getting all excited again by dh!

Does that make any sense?!

Yes, pudding, that is good advice - we did say that if dh wasn't in by a reasonable hour, I would put her to bed whatever, but that seems to have fallen by the wayside as I know how he likes to get involved and see her before bed & I also like him to do it as it means I can have a bit of a break - but am aware we can't have our cake & eat it and something has to give here - so that could be a good solution. It seems we need to establish a proper bedtime routine - depending on when dh is home, she dosn't get to bed at the same time each night, sometimes it's 8.00 before she goes down which I feel is too late. you have a good point too Clary - I thought about cutting her daytime nap. At the moment she does about 1.5 - 1.75 hrs between 13.30 - 15.15. I feel she does still need it as on the odd occasion when our day gets in the way of a nap, she is showing signs of being tired a lot sooner. But it is something that would also help - again, though, selfish me wants to make the most of her napping during the day as I so look forward to an hour or so to myself to have lunch etc. Sometimes, I feel I put my needs before hers!!! Thanks again for advice!

The way I see it is I get an hour or so to myself to have lunch etc, which in turn makes me more relaxed and a better mum .

I do think that you don't want to change too many things at once so imo I would get the bedtime routine sorted first so that your dd goes to bed at the same time every night and has the same routine. That might be enough to sort out the problem but if its not then you could look at the daytime naps.