Very sensitive/fussy 7 year old

[ChasingWaterfalls]

Love my DD7 to bits but she is so challenging and hard work at times. She has always liked everything "just so" and if it isn't quite right she will have a meltdown.

Tags/seams in clothes/socks cause problems. Tags can be cut out so they're less of a problem but it can take her ages to get the seams in her socks just right.

She does not cope well with being rushed. If I try to hurry her along she just cries and has a meltdown. She is not bothered when I tell her that she'll be late for school.

She is very sensitive to tone of voice - If anybody tells her not to do something in a firm way (not shouting or raising their voice) she says we are telling her off. She would be mortified if she was told off at school.

If she gets a spot of water or dirt on her clothes she has to change them straightaway.

If food or drink gets on the table whilst we are eating it has to be cleaned off straightaway. I asked her what she does when this happens at school as obviously the dinner time staff can't be there to clean it up straightaway and she said she has to move away from it and can't look at it.

She is very, very fussy with food and has a small selection of foods that she will eat. It is really hard to get her to try anything new.

She is very fussy with cutlery and will only eat with them if they are literally sparkling! Anything with a scratch/water mark one she won't touch. She is left handed and struggles to use her knife and fork properly so does use fingers quite a bit, i do try and get her to use cutlery though.

I also have two teenagers so you can imagine what it is like when she has a meltdown. They get involved and I get told I need to sort her out. I try my best but I struggle at times to keep everybody happy.

My DD is really good at school and is meeting all her expectations. I don't think the teachers see this side of her, if they do they have never mentioned it.

Is anybody else's child so sensitive/fussy and if so how do they manage it?

Thanks

First ignore the teenagers. If they haven’t got anything constructive to say, they should back off.

I’m just wondering if you’ve thought of ASD? It can present differently in girls to boys. It might be worth asking your GP to refer her to a Paeditrician for tests

I second pp in that this seems quite indicative of asd and that perhaps you could speak to her teachers about her quirks and see if they notice or it impacts in school in anyway, and I would also speak to your gp about a referral to be assessed for autism.

I read you post and firstly thought how difficult it must be be for you. The tone of your post indicates you are patient and in tune with your daughter so you need to acknowledge that and give yourself a huge amount of praise for that. I am only really able to offer a bit of moral support. My son exhibits some of these traits (not in the same category as you daughter but enough to give me an insight into what it might be like for you). He hates labels on clothes and I have to cut them off. When we read a book and mark the page finished on the page it has to be turned at the corner in the right direction. His diet is quite limited although I try to keep it balanced. If I change the brand of peanut butter (as one example)he will notice. If the apple he eats is a little bit brown he will discontinue eating apples or whatever type of fruit has been a bit over ripe, under ripe etc for ages. Most of the foods other kids love pizza, chips, fish fingers he won't touch. How do I manage it? Not all that well! I give him a bowl of chopped up raw fruit and vegetables when he is most hungry.
As for the fussy behaviours I don't try to change them. It would be impossible as I'm sure you know!