Helping my 6 year old get better friendship skills

[SteakSandwich]

My 6 yo DS started school last year, after having previously been at nursery. He was friends with about 4 boys, 2 very particularly, at nursery.

A few times during the year he said he was getting upset with his friends, and at one point a few months ago his teacher pulled me in about it.

From speaking to the teacher, my son gets upset when the other boys don't want to play the same games and shouts at them, which in turn upset them. The teacher also said the other boys were goading him into losing his temper.

I spoke to him about the anger and as far as I know he hasn't lost his temper with them again. But he still mentioned problems with his friends, on and off, and I just get the impression he's not gelling with this particular group any more.

The school have given us a yearbook which has all the kids listing their friends. Neither of the two boys my son has listed have named him, although some of the other kids have. Obviously he's upset about this - I think most people would be.

I've spoken to him a lot about strategies for dealing with this particular group, and explained that he can't expect them to go along with doing stuff they don't want to do, and he should maybe play with other people more (obviously particularly the kids who want to be friends with him!). But he still wants to keep in with his old friendship group.

I'm going to try and line up some playdates with some of the other kids outside the group, but are there any resources anyone has come across that will help us teach him about friendships, or anything else we can do?

This sounds very hard for your son and you. I found this book useful - how to be a friend - for approaching conversations with my two - now 7 - I read it to them when they were much younger but left it about for them to peruse too. Also have you filled a bucket today.

Play dates with different group sound like a good plan.

My 8yo SS has had similar struggles and similarly kept wanting to go back to the same group of boys even though there were constant failings out and he found it quite upsetting at times.
I'm not really sure why, to an adult it seems quite clear that it might be best to move on, but I suppose it really is all part of learning to exist in social groups, although of course that doesn't make it any easier for you to see him struggle.

I think it's definitely a good idea to try and help a little by setting up play dates. Would his teacher help by maybe putting him in groups with new potential friends for teams or activities?

Perhaps something extra curricular like beavers or something would help introduce him to a new group of people away from his school friends, might give him more confidence in a different environment especially if he finds someone he clicks with x

Thanks both. I'll get the books.

That's a good point re: extracurricular activities - the main one he does is also attended by the same group of boys he struggles with. It's given me a spur to enquire about some others in the local area.

He gets on fine with some of the other boys - he was out playing with one earlier this week - but just seems determined to want to keep in with this group. I think their mums are all pals and the boys see each other a lot more than my DS does, which is making me think they've got their own group dynamic which he inadvertantly upsets. Nothing I can really do about that though.

Thanks again.

I wouldn't read too much into the names. At that age they still tend to list the person who they've never played with but offered them a sweet 10 minutes before.