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Feel like I’m failing and losing it

3 replies

Mamawingingit1234 · 02/07/2018 20:25

I have a DD 2yr 5m and a DS 4months.

I’m a SAHM (was made redundant whilst pregnant with first. DH has a good job so we could afford for me not to work while kids are young)

I’m really struggling with DD. She’s always been quite handys and a bit dramatic but of the flip side amazingly sweet and loving but I feel the terrible twos are getting worse.

Today for example I put the baby down on his play mat whilst making breakfast and she laid down beside him. Next thing I know he’s screaming so I run to him and she’s scratched his face (which she’s done a few times both to DS and others. Kind of just grabs face and squeezes but it’s usually a result of something not that’s I’m excusing it). I tell her off and pick up the baby to give him attention and ignore her when Dad come down as he heard the cry and sends her to her room.

Mid morning
I’m in the kitchen (our living room and kitchen are practically open plan) putting washing on. DS in jumperoo and DD playing with play dough and I hear her moving so I look over and she’s at the jumperoo trying to play with him by bouncing and pushing the seat. We’ve already told her not to do this as it could hurt him. So I tell her again and the madam shakes it harder. I take her hands off and repeat. At this point she lashes out and hits him.
She’s told off and sent upstairs until she apologise.

After naps she’s up first and we have a cuddle downstairs for about 10min. She’s a bit fractious and weepy. Baby wakes and I bring him down. We’re all having a cuddle until baby needs feed. I’m feeding him and still cuddling her and she just hits his head. No reason. Not hard (DS didn’t stir at all)

A bit later we’re in th front garden playingbwhen she sees her friends one of them is really like her BFF they love each other (and squabble just as much) they run towards each other laughing and shouting each other’s names. Then DD starts crying and telling friend off as she’s trying to play with her paddling pool and this continues with EVERYTHING friend touches. “No mine!” Then her friend goes into our house and DD freaks out crying “no my house” and still beside herself when ever one of her toys are touched. I’m talking to her saying it’s fine friends is just having a turn. Remember we share, friend was sharing her toys yesterday. Mummy said she could come in and nothing is working. In the end I’m in tears too and we have to come in and say good bye to them.

5 minutes later she’s asking for her friend but still really upset.

I don’t think I handled it well but I honestly don’t know why what was wrong or how I could help.

It’s just been a battle today and I feel like I’m having to say no all the time. ie mummy’s feeding the baby please wait. No you can’t having ice cream it’s 10am! No jumping on ththe sofa. It’s relentless and I’m feeling so shitty about it.

I can’t pin point what’s wrong and what I need to do.

Does anyone have any advice or insight?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
flyingkites1 · 03/07/2018 20:47

Hi Op,
Sadly can't offer any advice as FTM with a 10 month old and haven't arrived at terrible 2's yet.... 😬 however wanted to comment to give you a bump in the hope some experienced mummies will reply x

Phoenix76 · 03/07/2018 22:43

Your are most definitely not failing! These are tricky times. With mine, I encouraged dd1 to “ help” with dd2, fetch nappies, cloths whatever she could manage and over praise when she did. I did whatever I could think of to facilitate dd1 seeing dd2 as her baby too. For example, if dd1 did something to help dd2 I would say dd2 says “ thank you big sister”.
With the sharing, your dd is clearly feeling like she needs to claim her place. Just be calm and use distraction when you can. Children do feel secure with fair boundaries so you saying “no”to inappropriate activities is not being mean. Perhaps suggest a fun alternative?
Believe me, it gets easier, my two are now the best of friends and stick up for each other. It’s about removing the “threat” element from having a baby in the house. Good luck, I know how you feel!

Mummy247D · 13/07/2018 20:13

I have no advice but I have a 2yr old and an almost 1 yr old. Some days are so hard and I’m finding it’s the “terrible twos” I too am not working until they are older due to my husband having a good job. Yes we are lucky but my goodness it can be so hard work! You’re not alone. We’ve got this! X

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