Let them cry or go with it.

[gingerninja]

DD 8 1/2 months seems quite clingy at the moment. We're having major sleep issues. She isn't a good sleeper. We cosleep when I go to bed and is becoming increasingly difficult to settle in her cot at her bedtime. She has also started to not nap and when she does she needs me to hold her. I'm getting a bit stressed by it, her 'friends' all seem contented to sit and play, she seems to need me to interact with at every minute of the day (and night). It's exhausting and the more she cries (and boy she can) the more I want to walk away, mainly because I just don't know what to do anymore. She gets herself into such a state that when I do pick her up she doesn't stop crying and it's so frustrating. However I don't. I try and remain calm and just go with it as I'm hoping it's just a phase.

I suppose my question is, do they miraculously grow out of this or am I just making it worse by not giving her space. I'm due back at work soon and I'm worried that the childminder won't have time to settle her for naps in the way I do and won't be able to interact with her as much as me. Will she get more confident if I just go with it or do I need to 'teach' her that it's ok to do stuff on your own (play and sleep)

sorry it's so long and rambling. Just wish she was happier

My first child was like this so I sympathise. Some children seem to be more demanding than others don't they?

I found this site www.askdrsears.com really helpful becasue it explains about why some babies are like this and gives some solutions you could try.

Good luck with it (they all grow out of it eventually anyway....mine did!)

hi ginger. my ds co-slept till about 8-9mths and then went in his cot. there were a few teary nights to start (only a few actually) and then he settled down. It's worth trying controlled crying i think but if not working after a few nights then I wouldn't push it.

DS still has the odd bad night at 18 months and needs to come and sit with us for 30 mins- 1hr and then go back to bed, but I do allow him that and he hasn't got into any bad habits. If it was happening every night then I wouldn't be able to do that (need a bit of 'me' time every evening!).

I do think character has a lot to do with it as well, so perhaps your girl is just more of a mummy's girl. Ds is very independent and is constantly running off in the park, making friends with everyone he bumps into etc. whereas my friend's little girl stays close to her and is much better at focusing on things like drawing etc. So do bear that in mind as well. Not all kids are the same even at 8.5 months so what works for one person may not work for you.

My 2nd dd was just like that - couldn't bear to be apart from be for at least the first year and we slept together for about 18-24 months.

I personally think it's worth just trying to stick it out. My dd is 4 now and a very confident, independent young girl. I don't think you are making it worse by being there for her - you're just meeting her needs. She is only little and little babies need their dependency needs met at this age. By being there for her now you are providing a solid, secure base for her, from which she will be able to explore the world and become independent at her own pace.

Sorry - that sounded really preachy and naff! You know what I mean though

I started a thread almost the same as this when dd was a similar age. She'd been a clingon fromt he word go but got a lot worse at 8 or 9 months and I didn't know whether to "go with the flow" or try to make her more independant.

I got some sound advice and decided to try and go with what she wanted/needed which was pretty tiring as I was carrying her round or playing with her all the time BUT it does seem to have payed off - she's 2 now and such a happy friendly girl. She can be a little shy & insecure but she probably gets that from me and it's not a prominant part of her character at all. Thankfully she doesn't want carried any more and can play independantly.

HTH & gives you some hope!!

All, these are lovely responses and very helpful. Thankyou very much